Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 5 • Spring 2003 • Featured Writer • Drama

Walking to Buchenwald

Avery Crozier

Characters, Setting, Production Notes

Cast of Characters

Schiller
30s to 40s, director of strategic planning for a natural history museum

Arjay
30s to 40s, a painter and graphic designer

Mildred
70s, retired elementary school teacher, Schiller's mother

Roger
70s, retired theatre professor, Schiller's father

Others (played by one actor)

Museum Guide (London)
Host (Bath)
Visitor (Cornwall)
Waiter (Paris)
Student (Berlin)
Nude (Berlin)
Minnesotan (Weimar)
Schlitzen (Weimar)
Bus Driver (Buchenwald)

Note: Schiller, Arjay, and the Others may be male or female.

Setting

The play takes in place in various locations in England, France, and Germany. It is the present. All locations should be delineated by lighting on a very simple set suggestive of stone. Five chairs and a table might suffice.

***

Oklahoma & Los Angeles

Act One.

Oklahoma & Los Angeles

MILDRED isolated in light, seated facing out, with ROGER over her shoulder.

ROGER
Say no.

MILDRED
No.

SCHILLER also isolated in light, seated facing out.

SCHILLER
I just asked you to think about it.

ROGER
We don't have to think about it.

MILDRED
(Overlapping.) We don't have to think about it.

ROGER
It's too expensive.

MILDRED
(Overlapping.) It's too expensive.

SCHILLER
What do you want? A party in the church basement? A quilt with squares by all your friends?

ROGER
All I want is rhubarb pie.

MILDRED
Our friends don't quilt.

ROGER Put that about the pie.		SCHILLER I'm not paying for a party in the church basement. They're so depressing! Don't you want this to be unique? It's once-in-a-lifetime!
MILDRED Stop dictating!

MILDRED
You don't have to pay.

ROGER AND MILDRED
It's potluck!

SCHILLER
I hate potluck! Somebody always brings a slimy rhubarb pie. Yours should be different.

MILDRED
Strawberry rhubarb!

ROGER
Very good.

SCHILLER
Just think about it.

MILDRED
We don't speak any languages.

ROGER I speak German.		SCHILLER You don't have to! I know a little French, and nobody else cares.
MILDRED Oh, hardly.

ROGER
We couldn't let you pay.

MILDRED
(Overlapping.) It's too much for you to pay.

ROGER
We'd have to chip in.

MILDRED
Roger!

SCHILLER
I'll pay your airfare. That's the biggest chunk. Would that work?

ROGER
You'd be with us the whole time?

MILDRED
Roger, I'd never sleep!

ROGER
Type!

MILDRED
Your father wants to know would you be with us the whole time?

ROGER
(Overlapping.) I've always wanted to see theatre in London.

MILDRED You have not. You've never said a word.

SCHILLER Of course -- I wouldn't unleash you on Europe without adult supervision.

ROGER
You could do genealogy in England and France. Last I heard my mother's cousin still had family in Germany.

MILDRED
Would Arjay go?

SCHILLER
(Brought up short.) Arjay!

Lights out instantly on SCHILLER, MILDRED, and ROGER, and up simultaneously on ARJAY on the telephone isolated in light.

ARJAY
Where? When? Your parents?!

Lights up on SCHILLER on the telephone.

SCHILLER
You don't have to, but I think they'd come if they knew you were going.

ARJAY
What about Bolivia?

SCHILLER
Can't that wait till next year? I don't know enough Spanish yet.

ARJAY
They won't go if it's just you?

SCHILLER
You're a buffer.

ARJAY
Thanks, baby. I'm a buffer. You can't just send them?

SCHILLER
They don't speak any languages.

ARJAY
Send them to England.

SCHILLER
They can't even understand New Yorkers. This is an important anniversary. Imagine when we've been together that long.

ARJAY
Gross.

SCHILLER
This is the only time in their entire lives they'll have the chance to go to Europe. In a year or two they couldn't manage.

ARJAY
Three weeks? They'll drive you crazy whether I'm there or not. There's a reason you don't live in Oklahoma.

SCHILLER
You know nothing's more important than not being like my parents, but this is a big deal. They'll dine out on it for the rest of their lives. Even if it's miserable.

ARJAY
What if we're miserable?

SCHILLER
It'll be a great time to tell them our news.

ARJAY
Can't we just tell them over the phone?

SCHILLER
I don't want it to be that casual. It's a big deal, too, and it might be a bit of a shock to them.

ARJAY
Whatever you want, baby.

SCHILLER
And next year -- La Paz!

Lights out on ARJAY and up on MILDRED and ROGER. SCHILLER puts down the phone.

MILDRED
We've decided Roger will go with you.

SCHILLER
But this is your anniversary!

ROGER
You wouldn't sleep.

MILDRED
(Overlapping.) I'd get insomnia.

SCHILLER
Dad, would that be okay coming without Mom?

ROGER
We agreed to it.

MILDRED
(Overlapping.) Yes.

SCHILLER
Mom, this is just some sort of Midwestern nobody-in-our-family-ever-traveled-so-neither should-we sort of thing. You think you don't deserve to travel, that only rich people travel, but it's not that expensive. I used to think that, too, until I met Arjay. Treat yourself as if you mattered, for once!

MILDRED
We've just been insulted by our own child.

ROGER
No, just you. I'm going.

SCHILLER
Are you there? Are you typing a rebuttal or a dissertation?

MILDRED
(Overlapping with SCHILLER as she tries to change places with ROGER.) Then you type.

ROGER
I can't! Mildred!

Lights out instantly on ROGER and MILDRED as the phone rings and SCHILLER picks it up.

SCHILLER
Hello?

Lights up instantly on ROGER on the phone.

ROGER
She wouldn't sleep. She's addicted to sleeping pills as it is, and they still don't work.

SCHILLER
Okay, okay, so if it's just you do you still want to go?

ROGER
I wouldn't mind seeing the Royal Shakespeare Company. They never come to Oklahoma.

SCHILLER
We could see them in London or Stratford -- or both! And theatre's cheaper in London than New York --

ROGER
And haven't they restored the Old Globe?

SCHILLER
And the British Museum! The Tate Modern! Plus there's a new Darwin Centre at the Natural History Museum -- I think I could get us a private tour --

Lights suddenly up on MILDRED on another phone.

MILDRED
I hate museums!

SCHILLER
Mother! (A grim silence.) I thought you weren't going.

MILDRED
If I were. I'm tired of museums.

SCHILLER
(Hand over the phone, hollering.) Arjay, pick up the phone. My mother's trying to hijack our trip.

MILDRED Roger, you can't walk too far. Too many museums and you'd be sweating -- you'd have to sit down -- Schiller, don't walk him all over the place. He's got an atrial fibrillation. He shouldn't even fly, much less go running all over Europe. Hello, Arjay, explain to Schiller why we can't go.		ARJAY (Appearing, on the phone.) What?
		SCHILLER Talk Mom into going. She's close.

ARJAY
Europe is wonderful, and everyone should go at least once. When I was teaching in Switzerland I'd take the train somewhere new every weekend -- Paris, Munich, Nice --

MILDRED
But you speak the languages.

ARJAY No, I don't. Not one. Everybody speaks English, or mostly.

SCHILLER I speak French! A little.

ROGER I speak German. A little.

MILDRED
What about what's going on politically?

ROGER
President Dickhead.

ARJAY
They've got body searches down to an art, especially in Europe.

ROGER
You might enjoy it, Mildred.

MILDRED
I've got nothing for them to grab.

ARJAY
If you don't go, you'll regret it forever. If you do, even if it's a terrible trip --

SCHILLER
(Overlapping.) It won't be!

ARJAY
(Overlapping.) -- You'll have stories galore about rude Parisians, mean Germans, and uptight Brits.

MILDRED
Oh, it sounds just awful.

SCHILLER
Mother, you don't have to go.

MILDRED
I'm not!

Lights out instantly on everyone and up on a breezy MUSEUM GUIDE.

***

London

London

MUSEUM GUIDE
(British accent.) The Darwin Centre is our way of sharing more of our cultural patrimony with the public -- and the world. More than one hundred people a day benefit from behind-the-scenes tours of laboratories and collection storage.

Lights up sequentially on SCHILLER, ARJAY, ROGER, and finally, after a pause, MILDRED, who looks annoyed to be there.

SCHILLER
Only one hundred?

MUSEUM GUIDE
Conservation reasons, really. Zoological specimens are sensitive to light, changes in temperature, even fluctuations in humidity caused by the presence of human beings.

SCHILLER
I know. I'm the VP of Strategic Planning for the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County --

MUSEUM GUIDE
Brilliant!

ROGER
Not really. I could show you some report cards --

MUSEUM GUIDE
Pardon?

SCHILLER
Dad!

MILDRED
We're Americans.

MUSEUM GUIDE
Yes, well, I assumed --

SCHILLER
We're in the process of planning a new facility as well, and open storage or at least visible storage is one thing we're considering, but doesn't it defeat the purpose if only a hundred people a day can tour? And the salaries of guides --

ARJAY
Not that we'd wish anybody out of a job --

SCHILLER
No, of course not, sorry --

MUSEUM GUIDE
No offense, truly.

SCHILLER
It just doesn't seem efficient. And with the economy the way it is --

MUSEUM GUIDE
Museums are much more heavily subsidized by the government here than in the States. You're at the mercy of the market, aren't you?

SCHILLER
We are, indeed.

ROGER
Scholarship actually has value in England.

MUSEUM GUIDE
Oh, I'm sure in the U.S. --

ROGER
I'm a college professor -- or was until I retired -- when was it Mildred -- ?

MILDRED
A long time ago.

ROGER
And I made less --

SCHILLER
Dad, don't --

ROGER
(Overlapping.) -- Than Schiller used to as a secretary --

SCHILLER That was a really long time ago --

MILDRED Mind you, we live in Oklahoma --

ROGER
Forty-fifth, was it, in the nation, for education funding -- ?

MILDRED
Forty-eighth.

SCHILLER
About how many specimens in the zoology collections of the Darwin Centre?

MUSEUM GUIDE
Super question! There are more than 60 million precious specimens in the Life Sciences collections. For instance, these bats -- (SCHILLER, MILDRED, ROGER and ARJAY all lean in to look.) -- Are just a sample of the Chiropteran collections --

ROGER
That's Latin, Mildred. Amo, amas, amat.

MUSEUM GUIDE
But if you step this way, we can go directly into storage, where you can see where we keep the rest of the bats --

ROGER
You go on. I'll wait here.

SCHILLER
Dad, this is the behind-the-scenes part. (To MUSEUM GUIDE.) It's not long, is it?

MUSEUM GUIDE
We can breeze right through if you like. Just for a sampling.

ROGER
No, I'm fine to sit.

MILDRED
I think we're jet-lagging, Schiller.

ROGER
Do you want to go back to the hotel, Mildred?

MILDRED
No, I'm all right for now.

ROGER
It's almost time for our nap.

SCHILLER
You'll never get over the jet lag if you sleep now --

ARJAY
Schiller --

ROGER
(To MUSEUM GUIDE.) You have to remember, we're old.

MUSEUM GUIDE
Oh, now --

SCHILLER
I'm sorry. I think we'll have to cut this short.

ROGER
No, no, go on and we'll meet you here.

ARJAY
Don't you need your nap?

MILDRED
We can wait.

ROGER
As long as it's not too long. I'm sorry -- I spent too much time with the Belgian Marbles --

MILDRED
Elgin, Roger.

ROGER
Wanted to see them before you have to give 'em back to Greece.

MUSEUM GUIDE
That's unlikely, actually.

SCHILLER
If you take a nap will you be able to go to the theatre later?

MILDRED
Oh, no. Just dinner will be fine.

ROGER
It's too expensive.

SCHILLER
Theatre here is cheap!

ROGER
It's enough just to be in London. (To MUSEUM GUIDE.) Ever been to America?

MUSEUM GUIDE Canada, once.		SCHILLER It's too late. I already bought tickets.
ROGER I mean the United States.		MILDRED Can't you exchange them?
MUSEUM GUIDE I'm afraid not. But I'd love to see the Grand Canyon.		SCHILLER That's why we're here, so Dad can see London theatre!

MILDRED
Where in Canada did you go?

MUSEUM GUIDE
Toronto. I was visiting relatives on holiday.

MILDRED Roger, what's-their-names moved to Toronto. From Sauk Centre.		ROGER Who?
ROGER Anhorns?		SCHILLER I'm going even if you don't.

MILDRED
That's right. Merle and Shirley Anhorn.

MUSEUM GUIDE How absolutely bizarre!		SCHILLER Arjay, do we know anyone here?
MILDRED Do you know them?		ARJAY In London? Why?
MUSEUM GUIDE They were my uncle's tenants. They took a flat in his building. He's rather spherical, isn't he? And she's got an unusual --		SCHILLER We have to do something with these tickets.

MILDRED
Wig.

MUSEUM GUIDE
I was going to say hairstyle.

MILDRED
It's a wig. Hasn't changed in 30 years.

MUSEUM GUIDE
Amazing that you know them!

ROGER
Mildred can connect with anybody. Since you know the Anhorns, you're practically family. If you're ever in Oklahoma, we've got Schiller's old room --

SCHILLER
Dad!

Lights out on everyone but ROGER.

ROGER
The perfect theatre audience. We subscribe to the OCU theatre season and then Lyric in the summer -- musicals only, but sometimes they're pretty good. For Oklahoma. Theatre audiences are graying all over the country -- they all look like us. College educated, some with advanced degrees. Good old-fashioned liberal arts education that's fallen into disrepute as impractical. I heard of a poll -- this was in the eighties -- they asked students the same question they asked in the sixties and in the seventies: "Why do you go to college?" In the seventies the answer was, overwhelmingly, "To get an education, to learn." By the eighties it was "To get a better job." Remember who was president then. Knowledge for its own sake was suddenly tainted, suspect. You don't want to be too smart because that's, well, un-American. But that's who's going to the theatre -- intelligent, educated people who remember what theatre's about. Liberals, God forbid!

Lights up on SCHILLER, ARJAY and MILDRED with ROGER.

ARJAY
Mildred, did you like it?

MILDRED
Arjay, I don't know if I've told you this before, but I'm incapable of anticipation. I can't get excited about anything coming up, and I don't know why. Just habit, I suppose, trying prevent disappointment.

SCHILLER
That is so Minnesotan.

ARJAY
So you weren't excited about seeing the play?

MILDRED
No, not at all.

ROGER
She's never excited about seeing a play. Not even when I was directing.

SCHILLER
I'm sorry you didn't like it, Mom. The Winter's Tale isn't Shakespeare's best, but I thought this was an excellent production --

MILDRED
Oh, Schiller, it was just wonderful! I didn't know Shakespeare could be good!

ROGER
Hey!

MILDRED
I've only seen Shakespeare done by student actors.

ROGER
But they were my students!

MILDRED
I know, Roger, but they were students. These were actors.

SCHILLER
See! It was like pulling teeth to get you to go --

ROGER
Mildred, my shoe's untied.

MILDRED
(Kneeling to tie ROGER'S shoe.) And I could understand them all!

SCHILLER
It helped that it was set in the American South. Mother, what are you doing?

ROGER
She is tying my shoe.

SCHILLER
You can't tie your shoe?

ROGER
I can. But.

MILDRED
He gets out of breath bending over like that. It's just easier if I do it.

SCHILLER
What's your doctor say about that?

ROGER
Lose weight, exercise, same damn thing every doctor says. Are you gonna say it, too?

SCHILLER
Heaven forbid. But still, tying your shoes --

ROGER
Does your bathroom have a washcloth?

ARJAY
How about some dinner?

ROGER AND MILDRED
Ours doesn't.

ARJAY
Indian food is great in London.

ROGER
But it's got curry.

ARJAY
The best curry outside of India.

SCHILLER
What's wrong with curry?

ROGER
It's -- what's the word, Mildred -- ?

MILDRED
Cloying.

ROGER That's right, it's cloying.

SCHILLER Cloying?!

ARJAY
What's cloying?

ROGER Sickly sweet.

MILDRED Overly sweet.

SCHILLER Like it's going bad.

SCHILLER
When have you had curry?

MILDRED
The Burralls made it for us. And they lived in India when Elmer was a missionary.

ROGER
And it was --

EVERYBODY
Cloying!

Lights out on everyone and simultaneously up on the HOST of a bed and breakfast.

***

Bath

Bath

HOST
Now the weir is quite interesting. It's a double weir, very rare, and you can't miss it as you cross the bridge.

Lights up on MILDRED, ARJAY and SCHILLER.

MILDRED AND ARJAY
What's a weir?

SCHILLER
A fish trap, isn't it?

HOST
Or a dam. It's actually quite dangerous.

MILDRED
We don't have those in the States. But Roger loves to fish. Schiller, too.

ARJAY
You're kidding.

SCHILLER
Not since I was a kid.

MILDRED
One time when Schiller was three, they were catching sunfish after sunfish, none of the usual waiting around slapping mosquitoes. They just kept coming without a break. Finally Schiller just threw down the pole and announced, "Me all done fittin'!"

SCHILLER
Ma!

MILDRED
Schiller is easily embarrassed. You should just accept that we're your parents and we're going to be embarrassing.

SCHILLER
I'm not embarrassed, but not everybody wants to hear about --

HOST
Oh, no! I love hearing about peoples' lives, especially Americans. That's why we started a bed and breakfast. Where are you from?

MILDRED
Roger taught theatre at Oklahoma City University, and I taught grade school until I couldn't stand it any more -- discipline was all it was -- and then I managed a shop in a science museum.

HOST
Were you there for the bombing?

SCHILLER
They felt it!

MILDRED
It shook the house. We live near the railroad, so we thought a tanker had exploded.

HOST
Did you...know anyone...?

MILDRED
No.

SCHILLER
A girl I went to high school with. But I didn't really know her.

MILDRED
I don't believe in capital punishment, but --

SCHILLER
Oh, our whole justice system sucks. Three strikes -- prisons filling up --

MILDRED
Don't get me started!

ARJAY
The memorial is beautiful.

SCHILLER
Only decent design in the entire state.

MILDRED
It's a very conservative state. We're the only Democrats we know.

SCHILLER
We don't live there. Arjay and I live in Los Angeles. Arjay teaches at Art Center College of Design in Pasadena --

HOST
How interesting! I really do love Americans. Only been to New York and Washington, and Florida. Never to Los Angeles or Oklahoma --

SCHILLER
Not much to see.

MILDRED
Roger and I are from Minnesota, but we couldn't take the cold. And the people are nice, even if they all belong to the John Birch Society.

HOST
All Americans are nice. Except New Yorkers. We had this Jewish couple stay here and they complained about everything --

SCHILLER
New Yorkers always complain -- it doesn't matter who --

HOST
The bed was too soft, the toast was cold. I moved them to the haunted room.

ARJAY
There's a haunted room?

SCHILLER
That is so cool! How does it -- manifest?

HOST
Sometimes there's a woman who sits on the bed.

MILDRED Ish, I got a chill!

ARJAY Have you seen her?

SCHILLER What period are her clothes?

HOST
My daughter saw her. I think she's from the eighteenth century. That's when most of Bath was built, but this house is a little bit older. She seems friendly.

ARJAY
So what else should we see other than the weird?

SCHILLER
Weir.

ARJAY
Other than the dam fish trap.

SCHILLER
We need to see the Abbey Church, the Royal Crescent, and of course the Roman baths.

ARJAY
Can we go in?

HOST
Oh, no! Absolutely teeming with bacteria. Once you see it you won't want to go in!

SCHILLER
Don't worry. I've got it all planned out to minimize walking.

ARJAY
Schiller plans.

SCHILLER
Somebody has to! Arjay's been all over the world without a plan.

ARJAY
I never had a problem.

SCHILLER
That's because the universe takes care of you. It's amazing -- you don't speak anything, and yet people always help you --

ARJAY
Schiller planned this whole trip, in case you can't guess.

SCHILLER I'm part of the universe that takes care of you.

MILDRED And you've done a wonderful job -- I can hardly believe it!

ARJAY
What's that Italian saying?

SCHILLER
Uomo proposo, Dio disposo.

MILDRED
What's that mean?

ARJAY
Man plans --

SCHILLER
Man proposes, God disposes. But people like you need people like me. I'm the kind of person who gets things done.

ARJAY
You're the kind of person who makes the trains run on time.

MILDRED
Oh, the trains here are amazing! We only have Amtrak at home and it always seems to be going bankrupt.

HOST
Isn't the whole country going bankrupt?

MILDRED
What?

SCHILLER
What do you mean?

HOST
Not to be rude, but your president is a real DH.

ARJAY
DH?

HOST
A real dickhead!

MILDRED
That's what Roger calls him! Roger!

ROGER
(Off.) Just a minute, Mildred! I'm eating!

HOST
He's got no notion whatsoever of foreign policy. The Unilateral States of America.

ROGER
(Comes in, wiping his mouth.) What am I missing in here?

MILDRED
We're talking politics. American politics! (To HOST.) I hardly watch any television, but I never miss Washington Week in Review. I don't care about movies, music, sports -- and Roger can hardly drag me to a play, but I love politics! You don't know how isolated we feel in Oklahoma. They all think the president is wonderful.

ROGER
President Dickhead.

MILDRED
See!

HOST
DH was my attempt at politesse.

ROGER
Especially since 9/11. A real DH!

SCHILLER
How was breakfast?

ROGER
Just wonderful! I ate your bacon for you.

SCHILLER
(To HOST.) It was very good, but if we're not careful these English breakfasts can really add up.

ROGER
Are you implying -- ?

SCHILLER
Nothing, Dad, nothing! I just don't want to eat too much. We've got a lot of ground to cover today.

MILDRED
Not too much ground. We hardly ever walk at home.

HOST
Bath is quite compact. You can see most of it on foot.

SCHILLER
So I won't have to drive at all!

ROGER
And a good thing, too! When we first rented the car --

SCHILLER
Gimme a break! It's the first time I ever drove on the left!

ROGER
-- Schiller drove too close to the curb and all of a sudden the sideview mirror was in Arjay's lap!

MILDRED We never did see what we hit.		SCHILLER They don't give you any instructions at the rental place. No rules of the road, no tips about driving on the left.
ARJAY I just popped the mirror back on.

ROGER
You almost killed us on that first roundabout!

SCHILLER
Dad!

HOST
How many days is your trip?

Lights out on everyone but SCHILLER and ARJAY, who are isolated in light together.

ARJAY
They're not so bad.

SCHILLER
They're not your parents.

ARJAY
They hardly complain at all, and they're so grateful. It could have been so much worse.

SCHILLER
They're too goddamn friendly! The British are reserved!

ARJAY
You're too easily embarrassed.

SCHILLER
It's hard enough being an American in Europe right now, but they make me feel like a resentful teenager again -- like magic!

ARJAY
If I haven't said so before, I think it's really nice you're doing this for them.

SCHILLER
I'm a good kid?

ARJAY
You're a good kid. (Kissing SCHILLER.)

SCHILLER
You realize that's the first time we've kissed this whole trip?

ARJAY
(Shrugs.) That's what happens around parents. I'm sure you'll be very happy you did this --

ARJAY AND SCHILLER
-- When it's over.

They sit down in two chairs next to each other.

SCHILLER
This is definitely the most exciting thing they've ever done in their lives. They're not exactly accomplished.

ARJAY
But it is amazing how much breakfast your father can put away. That's an accomplishment!

SCHILLER
And he starts asking about lunch by ten AM!

Lights up on MILDRED and ROGER seated directly behind SCHILLER and ARJAY. SCHILLER is driving.

ROGER
I think your mother's getting a little hungry.

SCHILLER
We just ate.

ROGER
She's borderline hypoglycemic.

MILDRED
Hush, Roger. I'm not hungry. But if there's a turn-off soon, I need to go to the bathroom.

ROGER
(To ARJAY.) Mildred is always hungry, thirsty, or has to go to the bathroom.

SCHILLER
Whereas Dad is always hungry.

ROGER
Enough to eat curry.

ARJAY
And you liked it!

ROGER
It was surprisingly good. Not --

EVERYONE
-- Cloying!

SCHILLER
That's what's good about travel -- you end up trying things you never thought you'd like.

MILDRED
How far away are we from the Crossett site?

ARJAY
Is that a stone circle?

SCHILLER
It's a genealogical site. The Crossetts were --

MILDRED
My father's mother's family. Sherm and Caryl saw some Crossett graves in Cornwall. Near here, is that right, Schiller?

SCHILLER
Kinda.

ARJAY
Are you having a good time, Mildred?

MILDRED
Oh, yes, Arjay, it's just wonderful.

ARJAY
Aren't you glad I talked you into coming? (Pause.) You weren't going to until I talked to you.

ROGER
(Starting to tear up.) That's not exactly --

SCHILLER What?		ARJAY Roger, what's wrong?
MILDRED (Quickly.) Thank you, Arjay.		ROGER Nothing. A bug flew in my eye. Close the window.

MILDRED
Thanks for talking me into it.

ROGER
It'd be no fun without Mildred.

MILDRED
Oh, look, here's another circle-round!

SCHILLER
Roundabout, Mother, roundabout!

MILDRED
Careful -- I have to pee!

They all lean the same direction for a fast turn. Lights out on them and up on VISITOR drinking from a paper cup.

***

Cornwall

Cornwall

In the dark, the chairs are rearranged. VISITOR sits. Lights up on SCHILLER, ARJAY, MILDRED and ROGER, seated, eating some form of prepackaged convenience food. ROGER eats enthusiastically.

SCHILLER
The Eden Project is a perfect model for museums of the future. Its message is everywhere -- sustainability is possible. See? The seating is recycled tires, everything we're eating is grown locally and organically.

ROGER
Right here in Devon?

SCHILLER
Cornwall, Dad. We passed through Devon on the way here.

ROGER
A long scary drive on the left side.

SCHILLER
But this is so worth it for our planning the new museum. American museums are too old-fashioned, passive. These displays are thoughtful, integrated, with action items outlined -- Americans have the largest ecological footprint of any people in the world, but if we --

MILDRED sees the VISITOR and pauses in her eating. SCHILLER sees where she is looking.

SCHILLER
Mother, no.

MILDRED
Eating alone is so awful.

SCHILLER
No. Please.

MILDRED
It's a wasted day unless you talk to the local people. I don't know what I'll do in France and Germany since I don't speak the language.

SCHILLER
These are very reserved people --

MILDRED
Would you like to join us?

(VISITOR reacts with surprise.)

Would you? I hate eating alone, don't you?

VISITOR
(Joining them.) I don't want to intrude.

MILDRED
Not at all. Please sit down. I'm Mildred and this is my husband, Roger.

VISITOR Hello.

ROGER Hi there.

SCHILLER
I'm Schiller.

MILDRED
And this is Schiller's friend, Arjay.

ARJAY
How do you do?

VISITOR
I'm Beverly.

ROGER AND MILDRED
We're Americans.

SCHILLER
As if you couldn't guess.

VISITOR
You can always tell Americans on holiday. They look like giant six year-olds in short pants.

MILDRED
Beverly's such a British name. Do people call you Bev?

VISITOR
No, Beverly. Don't get so many Americans as we used to.

MILDRED
This is our first time to England.

ROGER
To Europe!

ARJAY AND SCHILLER
We've been before.

ROGER
Bet you've seen a real drop-off in tourism since --

VISITOR
It's about to get worse.

MILDRED
What do you mean?

ROGER
Did something happen? Our dickhead president --

VISITOR
Your hotel room doesn't have telly?

SCHILLER
It's a bed and breakfast, and both TVs only showed cartoons.

ROGER
And no washcloth! Again! Must be some kind of regulation.

MILDRED
What happened?

VISITOR
Your president --

MILDRED AND ROGER
Not our!

ROGER, ARJAY, AND SCHILLER
We didn't vote for him!

VISITOR
Well, he's your president, just the same, isn't he?

MILDRED
What are we supposed to do, assassinate him?

SCHILLER Mother!

ROGER Mildred!

MILDRED
Well, we voted. What good did it do? What's an average person supposed to do?

ROGER
I think we have to trust the system. It's the best system of government in the world. I came of age between wars, so I never fought for it, but I would have, maybe not for Vietnam, but --

VISITOR
But it's breaking down, isn't it?

ROGER
At least we were never an empire like England or France --

SCHILLER Dad, calm down.

ARJAY What do you mean breaking down?

VISITOR
Your last election --

ROGER Just wait till the next one.

ARJAY The pendulum will swing.

VISITOR
And now, with this tactical alert --

MILDRED Tactical alert?

SCHILLER What's that mean?

VISITOR
It means the world is nervous. More forces --

ROGER
Don't worry -- checks and balances --

VISITOR
Pretty unchecked at this point.

ROGER
Like I said, we're hardly dashing to become the next evil empire.

VISITOR
That usually happens slowly -- more like a walk. But it's getting brisker, isn't it?

ROGER
We're not Germany!

VISITOR
Germany took a long time to become Germany. Hitler was just exploiting the German character.

ROGER
The German character? You're still not over the War, are you? You're prejudiced against Germans. I'm part German.

MILDRED
In fact, if you counted the English, Welsh, Irish, and Scottish as separate groups, Germans are the largest ancestral group in America.

VISITOR
I'm not suggesting panic. But we've seen a lot of this before, haven't we?

ROGER
(Sighs, defeated.) Mildred's right -- what can one person do?

MILDRED
Remember that old moral question that we used to fantasize about? If you could go back in time and assassinate Hitler would you?

ROGER Of course!

SCHILLER You used to fantasize about that?

ARJAY In a minute.

VISITOR
Right.

MILDRED
What if in the future people are saying that about our president -- and we were the ones who had the opportunity to kill him, but didn't?

ROGER
Mildred, don't talk like that!

SCHILLER
I think they can arrest you for even saying that, Mother.

VISITOR
But you're not in America, are you?

MILDRED
Exactly! Roger, imagine that! I actually feel freer here than in America. (Loudly.) Assassinate the president!

SCHILLER Mother, hush!

ROGER Mildred!

ARJAY Jesus!

MILDRED
Oh, I'll be quiet. But think about it.

SCHILLER
When we get home you can go to a demonstration.

MILDRED
I'm too old to go marching. My hips would protest louder than I can.

ARJAY
Rosa Parks changed everything by just sitting down.

MILDRED
I have to carry a board with me to sit on -- (Shows it.)

SCHILLER
Oh, Mom, don't --

ROGER
We call it her butt board.

MILDRED
I got osteoporosis which led to sciatica, so after I had a bone spur removed they gave me estrogen, but of course in those days they didn't know how much to give so apparently I overdosed because in a few years I had to have a mastectomy --

SCHILLER
Mom, I'm sure --

MILDRED
And then five years later, I lost the other breast --

SCHILLER
(To VISITOR.) You don't want to hear this, do you -- ?

VISITOR
It's all right.

MILDRED
And then five years after that -- (Digs in her purse.) -- I had to have a hysterectomy --

SCHILLER
Mom, no -- !

MILDRED
(Pulling a Polaroid from her purse.) You want to see a picture of my cyst?

SCHILLER
Mom, put that away.

VISITOR
(Looking at the Polaroid.) It looks like a deflated beach ball.

ROGER
As big as a cantaloupe.

SCHILLER
A grapefruit.

MILDRED AND ROGER
A cantaloupe!

ARJAY
(To SCHILLER.) Thank God they don't speak French.

Lights out on everyone except SCHILLER.

SCHILLER
The whole concept of museums started in the eighteenth century with cabinets of curiosities, usually brought back from voyages overseas. Natural specimens, cultural objects, all displayed as if -- "isn't this weird? Aren't you glad we're not like that?" The British pioneered this kind of display, exploiting public fascination with oddities and deformities. This museum was founded by a taxidermist. Can you tell?

Lights up on ARJAY, MILDRED and ROGER with SCHILLER, peering at a display.

ROGER
A goat with seven legs.

MILDRED
Poor little thing. It didn't live very long, did it?

ROGER
Growing up on the farm, I saw one or two stillborn calves with extra legs.

ARJAY
Oh, wow, look at this.

They move on to another display.

ROGER
Guinea pigs playing cricket.

MILDRED
It's cute, but creepy.

ARJAY
(Looking at another display.) Oh, no. This is worse.

SCHILLER
Kittens serving tea.

ARJAY
Oh, my God, look.

ROGER
(Reading a label.) "These kittens were not killed for this display."

MILDRED Oh, ish.

SCHILLER Right.

ARJAY
Never mind that they're all the exact same kind of kittens at exactly the same age.

SCHILLER
I bet farmers knew he liked kittens and brought bags of them freshly drowned.

ROGER
That's what you do in the country. If animals are no use, you get rid of 'em.

MILDRED
Schiller, we've been to a lot of museums on this trip --

ARJAY
This one barely qualifies --

MILDRED
Aren't we close to the Crossett site, that church -- ?

SCHILLER
It's kinda out of the way, Mom.

ARJAY
I'm sick of museums, too. When are we going to see stone circles?

SCHILLER
The Hurlers are out on Bodmin Moor, just a few miles south. I figured we could see them after lunch.

ROGER
Your mother and I have to have our nap after lunch.

SCHILLER
Then Arjay and I will have to see the Hurlers without you. Trethevy Quoit is there, too.

ARJAY
What's that?

SCHILLER
They're not sure. Might be part of a prehistoric barrow tomb. Or maybe a mini Stonehenge.

MILDRED
So the Crossett site is too far away?

SCHILLER
I think so, Mom. We're only here for a day and you have to have your nap.

MILDRED
I need an acetaminophen before I can sleep.

ROGER
What are the Hurlers?

ARJAY
A stone circle.

SCHILLER
Three of them actually.

MILDRED
Oh, I wanted to see those.

SCHILLER
Do you want to nap in the car on the way?

MILDRED
No, I have to lie down. Don't worry about the Crossett site. Caryl and Sherm have pictures, I'm sure.

SCHILLER
And we don't know exactly where it is. We'd spend the whole afternoon on a wild goose chase. Our time is limited.

ROGER
How soon is lunch?

SCHILLER Soon, Dad!

ARJAY Now, if you're hungry.

SCHILLER
He's always hungry.

ROGER
Yes, and then I will be sleepy. That's what it's like to be seventy-damn-something years old!

MILDRED
Roger, your blood sugar is low.

SCHILLER
We'll eat right away. There's a pub next door.

ROGER
And then I want a nap.

MILDRED
Oh, I looked in that pub. I'd rather not.

ARJAY
Are you tired of pub food?

MILDRED
I don't mind pubs, but this one smelled worse than usual.

ROGER
Well, we have to eat.

ARJAY
Soon.

SCHILLER Okay, okay! We'll eat as soon as we can find the exact right kind of restaurant that doesn't smell, even if it means driving through one-way lanes for miles! And then we'll come all the way back here so you can have your nap and then we'll drive some more so we can see the fucking stone circles and I'm sorry but we're not going to wander all over Cornwall looking for dead relatives!		MILDRED All right, we can eat at the pub.
		ARJAY Could we get room service?
		ROGER That's too expensive! And I bet the hotel doesn't even have room service.

ROGER
Last night I dreamed about a washcloth. Don't they have them in England at all?

Lights out. French music begins, possibly La Marseillaise.

***

Paris

Paris

The lights come back up with a beautiful stained-glass window effect. MILDRED, ROGER and ARJAY stand transfixed. After a moment, MILDRED reads from a brochure.

MILDRED
Saint Chapelle was the private chapel of Louis -- what is that? -- the ninth, I think -- and was built to house the relics of the crown of thorns and a piece of the True Cross. Louis the ninth -- later St. Louis -- paid more for the relics than he did for the entire chapel.

ROGER
This is the most beautiful church I've ever been in. Just look at those windows!

ARJAY
And the afternoon sun is hitting them just right.

SCHILLER
(Appearing, with a map.) I planned it that way. I really wanted you to see this.

MILDRED Schiller, it's wonderful!

ROGER Just magnificent!

ROGER
Is there a book? I want to buy a book.

SCHILLER
(Taking a picture.) Hold still -- I'll take your picture.

ROGER
I still want a book.

SCHILLER
Okay, we'll get a book. There's a shop downstairs. Shall we go?

ARJAY
We just got here!

ROGER
I want to sit and look.

MILDRED
I really need to sit, Roger.

SCHILLER
But not too long if we're going to make it to the Pompidou before it closes.

ARJAY
Schiller, we just got to Paris.

MILDRED We've already seen Notre Dame, the Seine --

ARJAY Your poor parents...!

ROGER
Had lunch! It was very good.

MILDRED
But we haven't had our nap.

SCHILLER
You napped in the Chunnel!

ARJAY
Shhh! This is a chapel...

ROGER
I slept right through it!

MILDRED
I didn't sleep.

ARJAY
Don't be a travel Nazi.

SCHILLER
All right, we can skip the Pompidou.

ROGER
Your mother's exhausted and her hips hurt. Come sit with me, Mildred, and be my honey.

MILDRED
Don't blame it all on me, Roger. You're the one with the atrial fibrillation.

ROGER and MILDRED sit, apart from ARJAY and SCHILLER. Gradually, the lights go out on ROGER and MILDRED.

ARJAY
They're really doing very well. Overall.

SCHILLER
Surprisingly well. I know. There's just so much I want them to see. It's not like you and I are seeing anything new. This trip is for them.

ARJAY
Which is why we should see it at their pace.

SCHILLER
Walking that slowly feels like I'm stuck in tar.

ARJAY
You've done a great job of planning the whole trip. I haven't had to do a thing.

SCHILLER
And you got to see your stupid stone circles. Took a million photographs.

ARJAY
Thank you, baby. I already know how to work them into my painting series.

SCHILLER
Do you think we should tell them tonight?

ARJAY
I don't know why you're avoiding it.

SCHILLER I'm not avoiding --

ARJAY You keep putting it off.

SCHILLER
I just want it to be the right moment. I don't know how they'll react.

ARJAY
Tonight's that restaurant halfway down Montmartre, with the Japanese owner --

SCHILLER
He's not Japanese, he's a Japanophile. He dates a Japanese woman and has a Japanese chef --

ARJAY
-- Who makes the best foie gras --

SCHILLER
So they're bound to be in a good mood -- they'll be eating the best meal of their lives.

ARJAY
Do they know what foie gras is?

ROGER
(In the dark.) What is this?

Lights up on ROGER and MILDRED seated at a table. SCHILLER and ARJAY join them.

SCHILLER, ARJAY AND MILDRED
It's foie gras!

ROGER
It looks like a baby liver.

ARJAY
It's goose liver.

SCHILLER
They force-feed the goose to make the liver especially rich --

MILDRED
What do they do with the rest of the goose?

ARJAY
Somebody eats it, I'm sure.

MILDRED
I'd just hate to think the poor goose goes through all that -- could you imagine -- your whole life and you turn out to be nothing but an appetizer!

ROGER
Little goose, little goose, give me your liver! (In a goose voice.) Oh, no, I'm not! Not even a sliver!

SCHILLER
Dad!

ROGER
Too late little goose! (Pops the entire foie gras in his mouth.)

ARJAY
Oh, no!

SCHILLER Dad, gross!

MILDRED Roger!

ROGER
(His mouth full.) What? You want me to spit it out?

ARJAY
That is so wrong.

SCHILLER
It's an exquisite delicacy. You're supposed to savor it -- on toast points!

ROGER
It was good. Gone now, though.

ARJAY
At least Mildred can enjoy it slowly.

MILDRED
I don't think I can enjoy it at all. It makes me too sad.

WAITER
(Appearing.) Did Monsieur enjoy the foie gras?

ROGER
Excellent!

WAITER
Would you like another?

ROGER
No, thank you. Apparently my wife doesn't want hers. Mildred?

MILDRED
Go ahead, Roger.

SCHILLER
Ma, you have to eat it! It's the best dish in the whole world!

WAITER
Merci beaucoup.

SCHILLER C'est vrai. But I haven't tried it yet.

ROGER Too late! (Pops the whole foie gras in his mouth.)

SCHILLER glares at ROGER.

ARJAY
This our third time to Paris together and our third time here.

WAITER
Très bien.

SCHILLER
We met the owner last time. What is his name -- Marcel?

WAITER
No, no, that is the old owner. How you say -- previous?

SCHILLER
He sold the restaurant?

WAITER
Oui. Two years almost.

SCHILLER
No!

ARJAY
And the Japanese chef?

WAITER
(Shrugs.) How can Japanese cook French?

ARJAY
He was very good.

SCHILLER
You fired him?

WAITER
I am not owner.

ARJAY
You have a French chef now?

WAITER
Oui. Non. Algerian.

SCHILLER
Algerian!?

WAITER
Excusez-moi. (Disappears.)

ARJAY
Schiller -- (Looking around.) I think everyone here is Algerian.

ROGER
And you said that really loud.

SCHILLER
You're the loud ones!

MILDRED
Are they all looking, or am I paranoid?

ROGER
Algerians are Arabs, aren't they?

SCHILLER
Algeria is in Africa.

ARJAY
But Islamic I think is what your father means.

MILDRED
(Brightly.) So tomorrow will we go to the Giradelle graveyard? An actual headstone!

SCHILLER
(Overlapping.) Only if you want to give up three other things. It's outside Paris, so it'll take most of the day --

ARJAY
What's scheduled?

SCHILLER
And you'd miss your nap.

ARJAY
Is tomorrow the Muse De Orsay?

SCHILLER
It's the Musée d'Orsay, but yes. I planned on lunch there -- they've got a great buffet -- then -- God smiles on his pious children -- the Louvre is open late.

MILDRED
So I won't be doing any genealogy on this trip?

SCHILLER
Ancestors aren't us, Ma. They don't have anything to do with us.

MILDRED I think they do in a way.

ROGER We can do genealogy in Germany.

MILDRED
That's your side of the family, Roger. What about mine?

SCHILLER
You can't expect the dead to tell you who you are.

MILDRED
You're right. It's fine. It's not like I'm the DAR. It really isn't important in the grand scheme.

SCHILLER
(After a pause.) Ma, I'm sorry. It's just -- we don't have time --

MILDRED
In a hundred years we'll all be dead and none of this will matter.

ARJAY
(To SCHILLER.) You better do a better apology than that.

SCHILLER
Okay, Ma, I know it's important to you, so maybe we can skip the Louvre --

ROGER
Skip the Louvre!?

SCHILLER Dad!

ARJAY Shhhh!

WAITER arrives, silently drops off the check, and starts to leave.

SCHILLER
Wait a minute, what's this?

WAITER
(Icy.) Pardonnez-moi?

SCHILLER
What's this? It looks like the check.

WAITER
Quoi? Qu'est-ce que c'est "check?"

SCHILLER
L'addition.

WAITER
Oui.

SCHILLER
We've only had the appetizer. We're here for dinner.

WAITER
Je ne comprends.

SCHILLER We ordered entrees.

ARJAY The foie gras was great.

WAITER
Je ne parle Anglais.

SCHILLER
You spoke it just fine a minute ago. OK, je parle un petit Français --

WAITER laughs and leaves.

ROGER
(After a moment.) I don't think we're gonna get served.

SCHILLER
Yes, we are. I'll just have to use my French, which I don't really have.

ARJAY
I suspect we'll be actively ignored until we leave.

SCHILLER
Then we won't leave. We'll just wait until we're waited on.

MILDRED
Oh, no, Schiller, let's not do that.

ROGER
If we're not being treated well, we can go somewhere else.

SCHILLER
This is a special place and it's a special evening and we're going to stay here till it gets special again.

ARJAY
It's not that special.

SCHILLER
That's true. The foie gras -- (Louder.) -- Wasn't nearly as good as it used to be!

ARJAY Jesus, Schiller!

ROGER Shhhhhh!

MILDRED Sweetie, relax!

ARJAY
You're being a very ugly American at the moment. Stop it!

ROGER
If we have this much trouble with the French, imagine the Germans!

SCHILLER
Fine. I'll be quiet. But we're going to wait.

MILDRED
(After a few tense moments.) How long?

SCHILLER
(After a few more tense moments.) Arjay and I have some news we've been saving --

ARJAY
Oh, Schiller, not now!

SCHILLER
No, this is the perfect time. This is when we planned to tell them. And we have -- (Looking around.) -- Nothing else to do just now --

ARJAY
You'll taint the moment.

SCHILLER
The moment's been tainted.

(ARJAY gestures "go ahead then.")

Arjay and I are getting married.

ROGER
(After a moment.) In a church?

SCHILLER
In my church. The minister's retiring and we want him to perform the ceremony before he goes.

MILDRED
But isn't Arjay kind of an atheist?

ARJAY
I worship all 128 Egyptian gods.

SCHILLER
You always say that, but you take communion at Christmas and Easter.

ARJAY
And the wine boils and the host flies across the room.

SCHILLER
But.

ARJAY
But it's important to Schiller to do it in a Lutheran church.

SCHILLER
So -- some good news.

(After a moment of silence.)

What do you think?

MILDRED
Schiller, are you sure? Why ruin what you've got?

ROGER You've been together eight years --

SCHILLER Ruin?

SCHILLER
You're trying to talk us out of it?

MILDRED
No, no, of course not. I've just seen so many couples -- cohabitate -- then when they get married, they break up within a few months.

ARJAY
We're together together. No quickie divorce after a couple of months.

ROGER
(Toasting.) Well, congratulations. (Nudging MILDRED.) To the happy couple!

ARJAY
(As they clink glasses.) I've been dying to tell you for weeks.

MILDRED
When?

ARJAY
We've known for, well, months, actually --

MILDRED
No, no. When is the actual ceremony? What date?

SCHILLER
Not for another nine to ten months.

MILDRED
That won't work.

SCHILLER
We have to have time to plan.

MILDRED
No, that's too long.

ARJAY
What do you mean?

MILDRED
Assuming you want me to come.

SCHILLER
Ma, what do you mean? Of course you're invited.

MILDRED
What was that Italian saying? About God and plans?

SCHILLER
Uomo proposo, Dio disposo.

MILDRED
God is disposing -- of me.

SCHILLER
(After a moment.) What...do you mean?

ROGER
Your mother has cancer again, Schiller.

SCHILLER
What...kind?

MILDRED
Colon. Just like Ma and Pa had.

SCHILLER
But treatments have improved since then. They'd still be with us today -- Chances are --

MILDRED
It's an operation and then chemo. I'm not going through that again.

SCHILLER
You're...not...

MILDRED
No.

SCHILLER
You'd rather...

MILDRED
Yes.

SCHILLER stares at MILDRED a moment, forces back tears, then hugs MILDRED very tightly.

MILDRED
(While comforting SCHILLER.) So your wedding sounds wonderful. Roger and I would love to come. Just sooner than later please, sooner than later.

End of Act One.

***

Berlin

Act Two.

Berlin

ARJAY isolated in light.

ARJAY
We saw a lot more Americans at the Hiroshima memorial than at Nagasaki. Which is probably a good thing, because the Nagasaki museum is very -- I dunno -- forthright about the bombing. Maybe it's because Hiroshima got all the postwar aid, but in Nagasaki they make it quite clear that Japan was ready to surrender before the U.S. dropped either bomb, and that there was an absolute lack of necessity to bomb Nagasaki. The only reason they didn't hit a purely military target -- like a ship at sea, with no civilians around -- was to terrify the Soviets and let the world know America not only had the bomb, but was willing to use the bomb on civilians. We're still the only country to actually make a nuclear strike -- and we've done it twice. The exhibits were very moving, frightening, and exceptionally well designed.

Lights up on SCHILLER, MILDRED and ROGER riding the subway.

ROGER
I couldn't do it.

SCHILLER
The Hiroshima museum was too graphic -- wax dummies of people with their arms melting off.

ROGER
No, see, I couldn't. Memorials, museums -- I know it's important to pay respects, to remember, but sometimes it just seems like form of entertainment, indulging in emotions, even painful ones -- and vaguely, well, immoral.

SCHILLER
Museums are immoral? Catharsis is self-indulgent?

MILDRED
It's learning, isn't it? Knowledge isn't immoral.

ROGER
But you don't actually need to see violence to feel it. In fact, sometimes seeing it just numbs you so it means nothing. The Greeks never showed violence in their plays -- they'd reveal the bodies afterward and let you imagine how they died. But the characters on stage were clearly responsible, culpable in those deaths. It doesn't work if it's too literal. I heard about a production of Medea where they made lifelike dummies of the children that concealed breakable containers of red liquid. When Medea had her revenge on Jason, she just picked up the kids and slammed them face-first into a wall. The audience rioted and the production had to stop.

ARJAY
Are you gonna be all right in the German -- how do you say it?

SCHILLER
Deutsche Historische Museum.

ARJAY
We can skip the Holocaust part.

MILDRED
No, no. We have to see it. That's why we're here, isn't it?

ROGER
I think we're kind of obligated. I've seen death camp liberation film footage, but it's not the same as actually being here in Berlin. I keep expecting a swastika around every corner.

ARJAY
Talk about effective design -- the swastika's the world's most recognizable political logo. And the Nazis totally owned the colors red and black.

MILDRED
(Looking around.) They look so sad.

SCHILLER
Who?

MILDRED
All the people on this train. Like they're about to cry.

SCHILLER
Maybe you would, too, if you had World War Two on your conscience.

ROGER
I am a doughnut.

SCHILLER
Dad, we just had breakfast.

ROGER
I don't want a doughnut. I am a doughnut.

SCHILLER
(After a moment.) Why are you a doughnut, Dad?

ROGER
I'm quoting JFK. When he came here and said, "Ich bin ein Berliner," he was actually saying "I'm a jelly doughnut."

ARJAY
You're kidding.

ROGER
He meant to say, "Ich bin Berliner" -- I am a Berliner. But the article "ein" made it into the local name for a raspberry-filled doughnut.

MILDRED
He did very well for a pastry.

ROGER
I always wonder what the rest of his presidency would have been like, if he'd gotten a chance --

SCHILLER
Mom, you weren't hanging around a grassy knoll in Dallas, were you?

MILDRED
I'm never going to live that down, am I?

ROGER AND SCHILLER
No.

MILDRED
Do you remember that story told by one of the Nazi guards in the Nuremberg trials about the woman slipping and falling on her way into the gas chamber?

SCHILLER AND ARJAY
No.

ROGER
I never heard of that story.

MILDRED
The guard was trying to explain what it felt like to be a part of that horrible machine, how numbed he felt, like he wasn't actually there, only watching, and then he saw that woman fall. Naked, completely vulnerable, no dignity remaining, and she tripped and fell, right at the door to the shower. His instinct was to help her up, but that wasn't his job, and he realized he'd be helping her to her death. In that instant of his hesitation, another woman, just as naked, reached down and helped the fallen woman to her feet. As they stepped through the door together, the Good Samaritan woman turned and looked at the guard. She knew both women were going to die, and that her gift of a moment's dignity to the other woman was noble only for its, well, futility. But she wanted her last act to be a kindness.

ARJAY
He could see all that in her eyes?

MILDRED
He saw it in his heart. At least I like to think he did.

SCHILLER
I think there's a model of Auschwitz in the Deutsche Historische Museum.

(Slowly lights isolate SCHILLER, who stands.)

I hope it's not too crowded there. In Nagasaki there weren't many tourists, so I got to look at the models and the artifacts pretty much by myself. Arjay and I stayed away from each other through some unspoken rule. You kinda want to be alone with something that devastating, with the guilt of something that happened before you were born but you know it's still somehow your fault. It's embarrassing to share with other people. Those are some of my best moments in museums.

Lights up more fully. SCHILLER is looking at an exhibit. A rather scruffy looking STUDENT approaches SCHILLER.

STUDENT
Sprechen-zie Deutsche?

SCHILLER
Nein, English, sorry. (Steps away a bit.)

STUDENT
(Following. German accent.) What do you think of this?

SCHILLER
I can't imagine anything worse.

STUDENT
Do you think it could happen again?

SCHILLER
Not exactly this way, but yes, I'm afraid it could.

STUDENT
Why is that?

SCHILLER
I'm sorry, I wanted to --

STUDENT
I don't mean to disturb you, but I'm curious. Why do you think it could happen again?

SCHILLER
People haven't changed. Not enough, anyway. That's why we should never forget.

STUDENT
So it is human nature?

SCHILLER
I guess.

STUDENT
Could it be something else?

SCHILLER
(Trying to concentrate on the exhibit.) I suppose.

STUDENT
Could it be money?

SCHILLER
Money?

STUDENT
Economic exploitation.

SCHILLER
I think this was ethnic hatred, racism --

STUDENT
The Jews had the money. Hitler wanted it.

SCHILLER
It's more complicated than that --

STUDENT
Capitalism is complicated, but if you can see through it --

SCHILLER
Excuse me. (Leaves.)

STUDENT
(Calling after SCHILLER.) You're American, aren't you?

Lights fade on the STUDENT and come up on ARJAY and ROGER.

ROGER
I don't know why she'd want to see that.

ARJAY
Morbid curiosity?

ROGER
But...right now? It's strange to me.

ARJAY
But if she wants to --

ROGER
I want her to do whatever she wants to do --

SCHILLER
(Entering.) What does she want to do?

ROGER
Where were you? Buying Nazi souvenirs in the gift shop?

SCHILLER
I got accosted by a Communist.

ARJAY
There are still Communists?

SCHILLER
It was like talking to someone from another time. A complete anachronism. What's she want to do?

ROGER
Your mother's been seeing ads for an exhibition --

ARJAY
You've seen them, on buses --

ROGER
Corpenwelten. It means Body Worlds.

SCHILLER
She doesn't want to see that, does she?

ARJAY
Evidently.

SCHILLER
Does she know what it is?

Lights up slowly on MILDRED gazing at a NUDE. At first it seems like merely a sculpture, but as the lights rise, it is revealed to be an actual person in a strong pose, with one portion of the body opened up so that the muscles or organs are on view.

ROGER
I think so.

ARJAY
Is it really dead bodies?

SCHILLER
Didn't you read the brochure in the hotel? This doctor talked a bunch of people into willing him their bodies, then he plastinated 'em and put 'em on display.

ROGER
Plastinated?

SCHILLER
It's some chemical process that infuses the bodies with enough plastic to completely prevent deterioration. He says it's educational, like medical students studying cadavers, but I think it's pure exploitation. He's even got a pregnant woman and her fetus.

ROGER
He got her permission?

SCHILLER
Only a German would think of something like that.

ARJAY
They could never show it in the U.S.

SCHILLER
No kidding. At Natural History we've got a policy against the display of human remains. And Mom wants to see it?

ROGER
That's what she said.

ARJAY
I wouldn't mind. From an anatomical point of view.

SCHILLER
She's not going to like it.

ROGER
Are you going to tell her no?

Lights out on ARJAY and SCHILLER as ROGER joins MILDRED, who is looking at the NUDE. ROGER avoids looking at it.

ROGER
Mildred, I think I'll wait for you outside. I'm a little -- you know how I am with blood -- and this is much --

MILDRED
I won't be long.

ROGER
They're not even in cases. Right out where you could touch 'em if you wanted to --

MILDRED
You go. I understand.

ROGER
There must be fifty of them. I don't get why people would let someone do this to them, put them on display -- it's funny, but the horse bothers me the most.

MILDRED
You should get some air.

ROGER
I will. But are you all right?

MILDRED
I'm fine.

ROGER
How can you even stand to look -- ?

MILDRED
They're talking to me, Roger.

ROGER
What?

MILDRED
Even dead, frozen like this, they have something to say.

ROGER
"Bury me"?

MILDRED
Oh, Roger, be serious.

ROGER
You be serious. After all this time your sense of humor still brings me up short.

MILDRED
They talk. If you watch closely, they talk.

ROGER finally brings himself to look at the NUDE. He forces himself to scrutinize it. While he is staring, MILDRED leaves. After a moment, the NUDE moves.

NUDE
(German accent.) You want to know what it's like, don't you?

ROGER
What...what's like?

NUDE
I hear you're going to Buchenwald.

ROGER
Did Mildred tell you that?

NUDE
I went there as a child. They make us.

ROGER
I don't want to go, but I feel it's my responsibility.

NUDE
As an American?

ROGER
As a human being.

NUDE
You are frightened.

ROGER
Some things you just have to do. You can't shrink.

NUDE
Mildred doesn't seem frightened.

ROGER
She's resigned.

NUDE
But still frightened, in secret. Hold her hand.

ROGER
I will.

NUDE
And she'll hold yours.

ROGER
What did you...die of?

NUDE
Cancer. Can't you see? That's why they opened me up. (Points.)

ROGER
(Peering.) Oh, that's awful. Did it hurt much?

NUDE
Ja. But they gave me morphine at the end. Which was nice. (ROGER just stares.) You want to touch it, don't you?

ROGER
No!

NUDE
You want to touch.

The NUDE reaches for ROGER, who faints.

***

Weimar

Weimar

Lights up on MILDRED and ARJAY staring into the distance.

MILDRED
Oh, ish. Are they -- ?

ARJAY
I think so.

MILDRED
-- Americans?

ARJAY
They look like American Lutherans.

MILDRED
It's not nice to stereotype.

ARJAY
Look at them: pale, confused --

MILDRED
Fat.

ARJAY
I wasn't going to say that.

MILDRED
But it's true. Americans look fat out of context. Everyone in Europe is so trim.

ARJAY
Too much dairy.

MILDRED
Do we look like that?

ARJAY
We're dressed better. And we're not all huddled on a bus with others of our kind.

MILDRED
Oh, no -- do you think -- ?

ARJAY
(Quickly hands her a guidebook.) Here, pretend to read. (Consults a map.)

MINNESOTAN
(Appearing, wearing shorts and looking like a giant six year-old.) Hello! Sprechen-zie Englisch? (They try not to notice, but MILDRED can't help a polite smile.) You must speak English. Your book is English.

MILDRED
Oh, hello.

ARJAY
Sorry, were you talking to us?

MINNESOTAN
Oh, great, you're Americans!

ARJAY
Um...yes.

MINNESOTAN
Where are you from?

ARJAY
Los Angeles.

MILDRED
Oklahoma.

MINNESOTAN
That's my group over there. We're on a pilgrimage, sorta, all the way from Mankato, Minnesota.

ARJAY
Ding, ding, ding!

MINNESOTAN
Excuse me?

MILDRED
Is it a Lutheran pilgrimage?

MINNESOTAN
You bet. We spent two days in Wittenborg, saw the Schlosskirke where Luther posted the 95 Theses, Melancthonhaus, Lutherhaus, of course, and now we're in Weimar -- the heart, the soul of Germany -- to see Goethehaus, Liszthaus, the Bauhaus, Schillerhaus --

ARJAY
Schillerhaus? What's that?

MINNESOTAN
Schiller was a playwright, nineteenth century, I think. (Shows guidebook, the same as ARJAY'S.) Been reading, but it all runs together in my head. Uffda!

ARJAY
I didn't know that. About Schiller.

MINNESOTAN
Say, have you been keeping up with the news?

MILDRED
I managed to find CNN two days ago for about half an hour.

MINNESOTAN
So you don't know the latest?

ARJAY
What?

MINNESOTAN
I'm trying to find out. I'm guessing the international situation's worse, cause the Germans seem a little less friendly every day. Have you noticed that?

MILDRED
Maybe a little.

MINNESOTAN
I feel so isolated traveling like this. I'm not used to it. Every morning at home I sit down to the newspaper and a cup of Tang tea. I don't know what's going on and it kinda bugs me.

MILDRED
Last I heard it was worse, yes. Allies pulling out, harsh denunciations --

MINNESOTAN
We're s'posed to fly out of Frankfurt in two days. Hope we can get home.

ARJAY
Not really a good time to be traveling.

MINNESOTAN AND MILDRED
But it's cheap!

MINNESOTAN laughs. MILDRED is embarrassed.

MINNESOTAN
You don't think anything really serious is going to happen, do you?

MILDRED
I'm sure not. It's all threats and posturing.

ARJAY
Saber-rattling. Mine's bigger than yours.

MINNESOTAN
Sure.

MILDRED
(After a moment.) Well, have a wonderful trip back.

MINNESOTAN
Thanks. It's nice to see Americans -- other than our group, I mean.

ARJAY
Especially if the Germans are being mean.

MINNESOTAN
You bet. We gotta stick together! (Pause.) Well...auf weidersehen.

MILDRED Good-bye.

ARJAY Take care.

MINNESOTAN leaves, reluctantly.

ARJAY
(After a moment.) Why didn't you -- ?

MILDRED
I just didn't feel like it.

ARJAY
Schiller never told me -- you never told me --

MILDRED
Told you what?

ARJAY
Is Schiller named for the playwright?

MILDRED
It was Roger's idea. At first he wanted Goethe, but imagine that on the playground.

ARJAY
What were you gonna say?

MILDRED
It's amazing how just a few weeks away makes me not want to be an American. Oh, I don't mean that exactly, but I don't want to be associated with America right here, right now. Normally I would have said I was from Minnesota. I went to Mankato State!

ARJAY
I've seen you make that geography connection with strangers more than once.

MILDRED
I do that, don't I? My mother did, too. Funny how right now I want to feel disconnected. Oh, that sounds awful.

ARJAY
No, it's okay. You feel free. Or at least freer.

MILDRED
Maybe that's it.

ARJAY
(After a moment.) It wasn't me that persuaded you to come on this trip, was it? (MILDRED just smiles.) Was it finding out you were sick?

MILDRED
Schiller's always telling us our time is limited.

ARJAY
Schiller is almost always right.

MILDRED
They say when you travel you learn more about yourself than any place you visit.

ARJAY
For most people it's the last thing we want to know. (Pause.) So -- who are you?

MILDRED
I'm not finished yet. (After a moment.) Arjay, Roger and I are very happy you're marrying Schiller.

ARJAY
I know.

MILDRED
Of course, you do --

ARJAY
But that you can say so is even better.

MILDRED
(After a moment.) Cause you should've seen what else Schiller's drug home! (Bursts out laughing.)

ARJAY
(Laughing.) You ruint it! You ruint it!

MILDRED
One spring break -- oh, I'm glad Schiller's not here -- one spring Schiller showed up on our doorstep with this perfectly nice -- person -- and we were all nervous and trying to be polite when suddenly while I was going on about -- geography, I guess -- doing my geographic connection thing -- now that I know I have a thing -- in the middle of me trying desperately to make this connection -- Jamie -- I think that was the name, Jamie -- perfectly nice -- suddenly pooted out, well, no, actually blasted out a nervous fart like you wouldn't believe. And I here I was, Mrs. Gracious, Calm and Motherly, and I couldn't possibly even acknowledge this unfortunate explosion so I knew I had to keep talking but I had no idea what I'd been saying and just said the first words that came into my head -- cat, dog, sigmoidoscopy, I don't remember what they were, but I know it didn't make any sense whatsoever! I just had to keep going or Schiller would be embarrassed and Roger and I would be embarrassed and Jamie the Poot Monster would shrivel and die and the whole mortified world would blow itself up!

ARJAY
Mildred, that was me. I pooted when I met you.

MILDRED gasps. Then she and ARJAY both burst out laughing, practically shrieking. SCHILLER and ROGER arrive at a trot.

SCHILLER
Mom, what's wrong?!

ROGER
Mildred, are you all right?

MILDRED
(Laughing.) Nothing, yes, fine!

SCHILLER
Arjay, what's going on?

ARJAY
Nothing, just -- remembrance of things passed.

ARJAY and MILDRED shriek again.

ROGER
When you've finished -- (They try to stop but can't entirely.) When you're over your seizures, I have some good news.

SCHILLER
We have a rendezvous in a graveyard.

ARJAY AND MILDRED
What?

SCHILLER
Finally some genealogy for Mom.

ROGER
My mother's cousin's daughter is sending one of her children to meet us at -- (Looks at a scrap of paper.) -- The Elephant, which I guess is a hotel -- and then we'll all go to this cemetery to see the grave of Cousin Franz.

MILDRED
And who -- (Wiping away a tear.) -- Sorry -- what is your mother's cousin's daughter's child's name?

ROGER
(Checks paper again.) Schlitzen.

ARJAY AND MILDRED
What?

ROGER
Schlitzen!

Lights come up isolating SCHLITZEN, a tough customer, possibly a skinhead.

MILDRED
Your mother's cousin's daughter's child is a reindeer?

SCHLITZEN
I am Schlitzen.

Lighting changes so they are all in the same area. It is a bar of an old hotel.

SCHLITZEN
Wilkommen to the Elephant.

ROGER
Schlitzen, I'm Roger. This is my wife, Mildred --

MILDRED Very nice to meet you.

ARJAY I'm Arjay.

SCHILLER
And I'm Schiller.

SCHLITZEN
Funny name.

ARJAY
After the playwright! (SCHILLER looks at ARJAY in surprise.)

SCHLITZEN
So you want to know my grandfather?

ROGER
Your whole family, really.

SCHLITZEN
Grossvater Franz came to this hotel for drinking. It is most famous.

MILDRED
Famous for what?

SCHLITZEN
Was Hitler's favorite.

SCHILLER Really!

ROGER I'm not surprised.

ARJAY Jesus!

SCHLITZEN
You know Grossvater was Nazi.

SCHILLER Everybody was.

ARJAY No kidding!

ROGER
I'm not surprised.

SCHLITZEN
You are not shocked to have the Nazi relation?

ROGER
Was he a true believer? (SCHLITZEN looks confused.) Or did he just go along for the ride?

SCHILLER
Dad, that's pretty colloquial.

SCHLITZEN
He joined for job, I think. In office, no killing. He did nothing. Too old to fight, so he made it safe through war.

ROGER
Did he have any hobbies?

SCHLITZEN What are hobbies?

SCHILLER Colloquial.

ROGER
What did he do for fun?

SCHLITZEN
For fun? He did nothing. No, I am wrong. He enjoyed the theatre but hated the film. Before the war he went to Berlin to see Brecht. He enjoyed to watch.

ROGER
How funny! I teach theatre. I used to.

MILDRED
What do you do?

SCHLITZEN
For job?

MILDRED
Yes. Or are you in school?

SCHLITZEN
Dropped out. I live with Mutter.

ROGER
Have you been to Buchenwald?

SCHLITZEN
Ja. Not for long time, but does not change.

ROGER
Is it...well...I'm concerned I might not be able to take it. I passed out in that Corpenwelten exhibition in Berlin.

SCHLITZEN
(Shrugs.) You have seen the pictures.

ROGER
I don't think I want to go.

SCHILLER Dad!

MILDRED Roger, you said yourself it's important.

SCHILLER
You can't come all the way to Germany and not go to a concentration camp. It's like visiting L.A. and not going to Disneyland.

SCHLITZEN
That is very funny. (Gets up.) I give directions now.

MILDRED
You're not going with us?

ROGER
There's so much we want to ask you! The family, politics -- !

SCHLITZEN
Politics?

SCHILLER
The international -- you know -- situation -- kinda scary for us, traveling and all --

ROGER
The German position vis-à-vis our American perspective --

SCHLITZEN
There is no German position. There is the government, and there are real people. Government say "peace in our time," but we hear that before, don't we? German government so pure and holy because they have no choice. They cannot talk war. When everyone forget Hitler, maybe then. But the world forget the moon and sun before they forget Hitler.

ROGER
No, I don't think anyone will forget.

SCHLITZEN
I did not know Hitler. Yet I am one without the job. My hands -- (Shows them.) -- Clean -- no blood. The Jews are safe from me.

MILDRED
Are you feeling safer now?

SCHLITZEN
Safe? Now?

MILDRED
With the Soviets gone, I mean.

SCHLITZEN
Safe from what? There is one superpower now -- no restraint, no opposing ideology. You do what you want --

ROGER Not us!

MILDRED We're not our government either.

SCHLITZEN
(Overlapping.) -- And no one to stop you! We miss Soviet Union more all the time. I am sorry. I go now.

ROGER
Wait! Can you tell us any more about Franz, about anything...? Were you born before he --

SCHLITZEN
I knew him. Is nothing to tell. No, I am wrong once more. He died in theatre.

MILDRED
An accident?

Lights out on everyone but SCHLITZEN.

SCHLITZEN
No. Sitting in seat. Watching.

Lights out on SCHLITZEN and up on SCHILLER, ARJAY, MILDRED and ROGER sitting on a bus.

***

Buchenwald

Buchenwald

ROGER
Of all the narrative arts, theatre is superior.

ARJAY
How's that?

ROGER
It's the real thing. A book is just ink on pulp. Film is just light. Insubstantial. With theatre you get real actors right in front of you.

ARJAY
What about dance and opera?

ROGER
They're like theatre. Gesamtkunstwerk incorporating all the arts. Live.

SCHILLER
Exhibitions are narratives, too. With real objects, usually.

ROGER
But you don't have to follow a particular narrative. Nothing prevents you from jumping from display to display or even seeing the whole thing backward. The exhibition designer isn't really in control.

MILDRED
You can skip to the end of a book just as easily.

ROGER
Most people don't, Mildred. There's a fairly rigid expectation that books are read front to back. And not a word of a novel changes once it's published. Same for movies -- (Waving off SCHILLER'S objection.) -- Once they're released they don't change, arguments between the director and the studio notwithstanding. But theatre changes every night, from performance to performance, from production to production, with different actors, different designers, different direction -- it's so much more alive!

SCHILLER
But less control -- all those intermediaries reinterpret the author every time. Whereas someone reading a novel is seeing exactly what the author wrote, with no intermediaries -- direct contact.

ROGER
Isn't that what I said? But the author can't control what goes on inside the reader's head. In the theatre of the mind's eye, every reader casts the novel differently, costumes it, art directs, scores it. It's a unique experience with each reader.

SCHILLER
Okay, so why isn't film superior? The director is working with lots of other people, yes, but they have to do what he or she says, and the director has final cut.

ROGER
Not always! But it doesn't surprise me that you equate control with superiority.

ARJAY
Tick, tick, tick, boom! Blew you up!

MILDRED
Please stop talking in circles on public transportation. I'm getting sick.

SCHILLER
When did you come up with all this?

ROGER
(Shrugs.) I'm retired. I finally get to think.

MILDRED
You can imagine what it's like for me. I keep signing him up for volunteer work. (Looking out the window.) Roger, are you sure this is the right bus? We're in the middle of the woods.

ROGER
It's supposed to be a country graveyard.

MILDRED
Could you ask the driver?

ROGER
I'm sure this is right.

SCHILLER
(Starts to get up.) I can ask.

ROGER
You don't speak German.

SCHILLER
Most everybody speaks some English. And if you're too nervous --

ROGER
(Stands.) I'm not nervous! (Leaves.)

MILDRED
(Watching him go.) Dad doesn't really speak German, you know. He can read it, I think. But when he can't be completely articulate, he gets shy.

ARJAY
After this cemetery, can we see the Bauhaus?

SCHILLER
Sure, it's close to the Hilton.

MILDRED
When are we going to Buchenwald?

SCHILLER
I think we've got some lobbying to do with Dad first.

ARJAY
He got so squeamish all of a sudden.

SCHILLER
I can't believe he fainted in Berlin. Is he all right?

MILDRED
An atrial fibrillation isn't trivial, Schiller.

ARJAY
Shhh!

ROGER
(Returning.) I don't know what happened.

MILDRED
It's the wrong bus.

ROGER
No, it's the right bus. But it's the wrong schedule or something. The driver -- it's so frustrating -- I've forgotten so much! -- I think the driver said there are alternate schedules --

SCHILLER
Then we have to get off at the next stop.

MILDRED
How soon will that be?

ROGER
I don't know.

SCHILLER
(Pulling out a map.) Look, we're okay, I brought the map.

ARJAY
We're stopping.

SCHILLER
Good, okay, everybody get out.

ROGER
(As they stand.) I'm sorry, Schiller.

SCHILLER
It's okay, Dad. Hurry, before the bus takes us all the way to Poland!

Lighting change. SCHILLER, ARJAY, MILDRED, and ROGER are standing by the road in dappled sunlight.

ARJAY
Why did we get off the bus?

SCHILLER
We were going the wrong way. (Consulting map.) A bus going back the way we came should be by any minute. Or -- !

MILDRED
What?

SCHILLER
We could -- no, never mind.

ROGER
Never mind what?

SCHILLER
I was gonna say we could walk.

ROGER
Back to Weimar?!

SCHILLER
No, of course not. But there's another place we could catch a bus sooner just down -- (Points.) -- That road.

ROGER
How far?

MILDRED
Oh, Roger, you can't go hiking!

SCHILLER
It looks like two kilometers.

ROGER
What's that in miles?

SCHILLER
A little more than one.

ROGER
I can do that. If we don't rush.

MILDRED
Roger, no --

SCHILLER
If a bus comes along we can wave it down.

ARJAY
And it will stop because...we look so pathetic?

SCHILLER
We're not pathetic. It'll be a nice walk in the shade, sunlight filtered through the trees.

MILDRED
It is pretty. Reminds me of Minnesota.

SCHILLER
And if it gets to be too much I can just run ahead and call a taxi to drive out from Weimar.

MILDRED Oh, no.

ROGER That's too expensive.

SCHILLER
Should we walk then?

ROGER
(When they all look at him.) Yes, dammit, let's walk!

They walk. Lighting change reveals a sign in Cyrillic. ROGER is looking sweaty and tired. They all look out over the audience.

SCHILLER
Wow. Anybody read Cyrillic?

MILDRED
What's that? Is it Russian?

ROGER
Whatever it is, they didn't make it easy to find.

ARJAY
You could barely see it from the road.

MILDRED
It looks like a memorial.

ARJAY
It's Soviet design.

SCHILLER
Kinda scary.

ARJAY gets close enough to the sign to read the panel underneath it.

ROGER
What does the map say it is?

SCHILLER
Duh! (Consulting the map.) Oh, how weird. It's not on the map.

ARJAY
This part's not in Russian.

ROGER
Is it in German? If it is, I'll come read it. If not, I'm not taking another step.

ARJAY
I think it's German.

ROGER
(Going to the sign.) Let me see.

MILDRED
Look, there are names of countries.

SCHILLER
Where?

MILDRED
Around the top of the wall.

SCHILLER
Oh, yeah. Auf Deutsche and in Russian.

MILDRED
Austria, Belgium, Czechoslovakia --

MILDRED AND SCHILLER -- Denmark, France, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Italy, Latvia, Luxembourg, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Romania --

ROGER (Reading.) Denkmal...Todt...

ROGER
Schiller!

SCHILLER
What, Dad?

ROGER
I told you I didn't want to come here!

ARJAY
What is it?

MILDRED
This is Buchenwald?

SCHILLER
No, it's not. I've seen pictures. Buchenwald's nothing but old foundations --

ARJAY
Just like Manzanar --

SCHILLER
That's right -- buildings built in the thirties and razed in the forties or fifties. It really does look exactly like Manzanar.

ARJAY
They're both concentration camps.

ROGER
America didn't have concentration camps.

MILDRED
If it's not Buchenwald, what is it?

ROGER
This is some kind of Soviet memorial to the people who died at Buchenwald, so the camp itself --

ARJAY
Must be close by.

MILDRED
Schiller, is that where you're taking us?

SCHILLER, for once, has nothing to say.

ARJAY
Guilty! Look at that Lutheran guilt!

ROGER
I am very irritated.

SCHILLER
I didn't plan it, I swear. But when I saw where the bus dropped us off, I thought we'd have a nice walk in the woods --

ROGER I'm about to keel over!

ARJAY And then -- ?

SCHILLER
We wouldn't have time to get nervous, we'd just be there all of a sudden. And if we'd taken the bus, we wouldn't have seen this whatever-it-is, since they seem to be trying to hide it.

MILDRED
(Pointing.) What are those three depressions?

ROGER
Mass graves, according to that panel. The bodies are right there. They gaze silently at the graves for a moment. ROGER massages his chest.

MILDRED
I will never, ever understand it.

ARJAY
Did the local people know this was happening in the woods just outside town?

SCHILLER
They say they didn't. But someone had to do business with the camp, make deliveries. There was even a zoo.

MILDRED
A zoo!

SCHILLER
For the entertainment of the guards' families.

ROGER
I have to sit down. ROGER sits on the ground. The others continue to stare at the site.

SCHILLER
The bear pits still exist. You'll see when we get there.

MILDRED
It's not like an American memorial. So massive. Almost brutal.

ARJAY
Definitely Soviet design.

ROGER
Mildred...

MILDRED
(Going to him.) Roger, what -- ?

ROGER
My chest is bothering me a little.

MILDRED
Your chest!

SCHILLER
Dad, what hurts?

ARJAY
Are you breathing OK?

SCHILLER
How about your arm?

ROGER
My arm, too.

Sound of a bus approaching.

SCHILLER
Does it hurt a lot?

ROGER
Not a lot, but it's uncomfortable.

MILDRED
Schiller, there's a bus. Make it stop!

SCHILLER Oh, right!		ROGER No, it's not that bad....
SCHILLER (Taking a few steps toward the bus.) Hey, there! Stop! Halt! (The bus does not stop.)		ARJAY (Waving.) Help! Please!

ARJAY
(Chasing the bus for a bit.) Emergency! Stop! Please! The bus roars off into the distance.

SCHILLER
I'm sorry.

ARJAY
I think we'll have to throw ourselves in front of the next one.

ROGER
It's okay. Maybe a car will come by.

MILDRED
It's not okay, Roger. You're having a heart attack. Schiller, you have to try harder.

SCHILLER
Mom -- I will --

ROGER
I'm not having a heart attack. Just -- out of breath from the walk.

MILDRED
We shouldn't have been walking.

SCHILLER
We'll stop the next one, Mom. Don't worry. Or I can run the rest of the way to Buchenwald. There'll be phones, taxis, buses, maybe even emergency services --

MILDRED You can't leave. You're the only one who knows where we are.

SCHILLER It will take me less than fifteen minutes --

ARJAY
Here comes another bus! (Sound of a bus approaching.)

MILDRED
Schiller, please, jump in front of it if you have to!

ROGER
Now, Schiller, don't get yourself killed!

ARJAY
(Waving wildly.) Hey, stop! Help! Heart attack! (To ROGER.) How do you say "heart attack" in German?

ROGER
Hertz something.

Both SCHILLER and ARJAY wave.

ARJAY Hertz! Halt! Hertz!

SCHILLER Hello, please stop!

Suddenly MILDRED dashes past them out of sight and into the path of the bus.

SCHILLER Mother, no!

ARJAY Look out!

ROGER Mildred, stop!

Sound of the bus screeching to a halt.

SCHILLER
Oh, for God's sake, Mother! (Dashes off.)

BUS DRIVER
(Off.) Verrüchtes Huhn, geh mir ans dem Weg! [Crazy lady, get out of the way!]

MILDRED (Off.) You have to give us a ride! My husband's sick.

SCHILLER (Off.) He's having a heart attack. Come, please!

BUS DRIVER
(Off.) Wissen Sie nicht was passiert ist? Drese Leute möchten nach Hause. Sie müssen auf der Stelle nach Hause! Und überhaupt -- wes machs Du hie dranssen im Wald? [Don't you know what's happening? These people want to get home! They need to get home right away! What are you doing out here in the woods, anyway?]

SCHILLER
(Leading MILDRED and BUS DRIVER to ROGER.) Sprechen-zie Englisch?

BUS DRIVER
Nein.

SCHILLER
Dad, you'll have to translate.

BUS DRIVER
Americans?

ROGER Ja.

SCHILLER Ja! Ja! Ich bin ein American.

ROGER
Mein hertz --

BUS DRIVER
Ihr habt sie fallen lassen! [You dropped it!]

ROGER
Was?

BUS DRIVER
Ihr habt die Bombe fallen lassen! [You dropped the bomb!]

ROGER
I did not! Nein! Nein!

BUS DRIVER Es ham im Radio -- habt ihr's nicht gehört? [It's on the radio! Haven't you heard?]

MILDRED What's he saying? Tell him about your heart!

ROGER
Mein hertz, bitte --

BUS DRIVER
Eine Atomwaffe! Ihr arroganten Schweine! Eine stadt ist ausgelëschl! Millionen von Monschen. Die ganze Welt ist jetzt gegen Euch! [A tactical nuclear device! You arrogant bastards. A city is gone! Millions of people. The whole world is against you now!]

ROGER Oh, my God. We didn't!		BUS DRIVER (Pushing SCHILLER violently away.) Rühr mich nicht an! Du bist ummöglich. [Don't touch me! You are despicable.]
ARJAY Hey, what are you -- ?

MILDRED
Schiller! (Getting in the BUS DRIVER'S face.) My husband needs your help. Roger, how do you say "help"?

ROGER
Helfen...helfen....

MILDRED
Helfen! Bitte!

ROGER collapses. MILDRED and SCHILLER rush to him.

MILDRED Roger, no!

SCHILLER Dad, hang on!

BUS DRIVER
Nun seid ihr allein! Ihr Cowboys! [You are on your own! Cowboys!] (Leaves.)

ARJAY
No, you can't leave us here! (Follows BUS DRIVER off.) That man might be dying! Helfen! Helfen, bitte!

ROGER
I'm all right.

SCHILLER
You just collapsed!

ROGER
I can't believe it.

MILDRED Roger, what's going on? Why wouldn't -- it's obvious we need help -- even if you can't understand English --

ARJAY (Off.) Don't go! Bitte!

Sound of the bus driving away.

SCHILLER Oh, no!

ARJAY You goddam Nazi!

ROGER
I can't believe we did it.

MILDRED
What did we do?

SCHILLER
We didn't do anything! We just wanted help.

ARJAY
(Returning.) Roger, hang in there, I'll run to the camp. Okay? Schiller can stay and I'll run for help.

ROGER
It doesn't hurt so much right now. Maybe it was just gas. I had ice cream.

SCHILLER
What was all that about? I think I twisted my ankle.

ROGER
My German isn't perfect, you know --

MILDRED
But you understood something --

ROGER
Apparently -- (Fighting back tears.) -- It's unspeakable --

SCHILLER What?

MILDRED Please, Roger.

ROGER
Apparently America just detonated a tactical nuclear weapon.

ARJAY Jesus!

MILDRED Oh, my heavens.

ROGER
The bus driver heard it on the radio.

SCHILLER
Against civilians?

ROGER
A city. I didn't hear which one, but --

MILDRED
We can guess.

They are all silent for a moment, stunned.

SCHILLER
Goddammit!

MILDRED
Our stupid, stupid president!

ARJAY
We elected him.

MILDRED AND ROGER
We did not!

SCHILLER
Our stupid, stupid country.

MILDRED
We should have been paying more attention.

ROGER
This isn't the first time we've dropped the Bomb.

SCHILLER
The first in my lifetime.

ROGER
Twice before in mine.

MILDRED
Strike three.

ARJAY
We'll have to go back right away.

SCHILLER
If we can get back.

MILDRED
I don't want to go back.

ROGER
Mildred, the only other place we speak the language is England, and they don't believe in washcloths. (Starts to get up.)

SCHILLER
No, Dad, don't! Sit!

ROGER
I'm feeling better.

ROGER It hardly hurts at all now.

SCHILLER Just sit! Please! The best thing you can do is sit.

MILDRED
But rest for a bit anyway. It still hurts some, doesn't it?

ROGER
A little. But I can walk, I think.

SCHILLER
No!

ROGER
Schiller, stop telling me what to do! I know what I can do!

SCHILLER
You can die of a coronary is what you could do!

ROGER
Let's go to Buchenwald. We can take it slow and I'll be fine. Then a taxi to Weimar, to the hospital, and I can get this checked out.

MILDRED
If they'll admit an American.

ROGER
I'll be fine.

SCHILLER
(Motioning ARJAY aside.) Arjay.

SCHILLER and ARJAY step aside as MILDRED silently attends to ROGER, wiping at his face with a tissue from her purse.

SCHILLER
(Quietly to ARJAY.) He's really stubborn --

ARJAY
He can't walk that far --

SCHILLER
Who knows -- he might. But arguing with him's only going to make it worse. Maybe on the way we can flag down a passing car --

ARJAY
If they don't deliberately swerve to hit us. Oh, look --

They watch silently as MILDRED helps ROGER to his feet.

ARJAY
Us in thirty years, baby.

SCHILLER
If any of us are around in thirty years.

ARJAY
Do you think we'll be able to get home?

SCHILLER
I'd hate to think we're stuck here for the rest of our lives.

ROGER
(Disengaging himself from MILDRED.) I can walk, Mildred, really.

MILDRED
Roger, are you sure?

ROGER
Schiller, let's march!

SCHILLER
We shouldn't if you have any pain at all.

ROGER
Then I don't.

SCHILLER
None?

ROGER
That's correct.

SCHILLER
Okay. (They start to walk.) But very, very slowly.

ARJAY
You're the one who's always rushing.

MILDRED
Please don't argue. Please.

ROGER
We'll get there soon enough, Schiller. We're practically there already.

They walk off as the lights fade.
The End.

***

Table of Contents:   Walking to Buchenwald

Avery Crozier (averycrozier@yahoo.com) is the author of Eat the Runt, which was honored in the 2001 Top 10 Off Broadway Plays listing by the New York Daily News. In 1996, she was one of the writers for Endangered Species, a play-length monologue presented at Interact Theatre in North Hollywood as part of its Interactivity festival. In Walking to Buchenwald, Avery's second full-length play, he once again exploits the temporal nature of theatre with non-gender-specific roles that can be cast male or female.

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