Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 11 • Fall 2004 • Featured Writer • Drama

Girls in Boys' Pants

Kato McNickle

Scene 2

Scene 2

(DANNI and SOPHIA leave. then. a reprise. of sorts. The CHORUS storms in carried on a wave of crazy jazz sound. One male CHORUS parades on a fashion runway. The two women are stand-up comics, sharing a microphone.)

(The men laugh, sit on stools to watch the rest of the act.)

(The men howl. The women go to them. One sits with them, the other takes their order. A jazz quintet plays. The microphones are left in their stands, one to each side of the playing area. DANNI sidles up to a microphone. Sighs into. Looks around furtively. SOPHIA tentatively approaches the other microphone, nervous. She wears "a little black dress." DANNI sees her and clears her throat. They both speak softly into the microphones, looking and facing forward as though the other were directly across. Everyone in the bar can only speak thru a microphone, up close, quietly, being mightily amplified.)

DANNI
You . Wow . You're . Here . And . You . Wow . Changed.

SOPHIA
We were going out, so I thought.

DANNI
Wow. I'm. Glad.

SOPHIA
Do you always wear a tie?

DANNI
Not always. Sometimes I sleep. Or shower.

SOPHIA
Ahhh.

DANNI
It's vintage.

SOPHIA
Vintage?

DANNI
Old.

SOPHIA
I know -- I know what "vintage" means.

DANNI
Yeah . Oh . Sorry . I'm. Wrong foot.

(Their drinks are served. To the WAITRESS.)

Thanks.

(The WAITRESS pushes her way to speak into DANNI'S mic. It's rather awkward for everyone, but them's the rules.)

WAITRESS
Anything else?

(DANNI pushes in.)

DANNI
No. Thanks.

(WAITRESS pushes to the mic, slightly flirty.)

WAITRESS
You let me know.

(DANNI pays. Tips. Well.)

SOPHIA
Thanks.

DANNI
Yep.

(SOPHIA sips her drink.)

You like it?

SOPHIA
It's. Mmm. Sharp.

DANNI
Martinis take time. And skill.

SOPHIA
What's in them?

DANNI
I like martinis insteada one-a those sweet ruby-red drinks.

SOPHIA
So what is a martini?

DANNI
Sophistication. Content.

SOPHIA
What's in them?

(A MAN from the CHORUS pushes his head in to speak into SOPHIA'S mic. Again. Awkward. SOPHIA is surprised. Yields.)

MAN
Two and a half ounces gin, one tablespoon dry vermouth, mix with cracked ice in a mixing glass, then strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a stuffed olive or a twist of lemon peel. I couldn't help hearing -- hope you don't mind -- pardon me --

(to SOPHIA)

Can I buy you a drink?

(SOPHIA can't get back to the mic, therefore, she's mute.)

DANNI
We're all set.

(The MAN signals the WAITRESS.)

MAN
Wanna dance?

DANNI
We're talking.

MAN (to SOPHIA)
What's your name?

DANNI
We're trying to talk.

(SOPHIA can't get to the mic. She whispers to the man, inaudible.)

MAN
That's a beautiful name. Unusual.

DANNI
Beautiful. Let me tell you about beautiful. America the Beautiful, right? America the Beautiful. Yeah. She's the girl everyone talks about dreams about goes ga-ga for. She's the girl everyone wants to take to the prom, the American wet dream. But here's the thing. You take her to the prom, you dream about her in youth, but then you get older, and you start seeing, you start realizing, "Hey, this broad is high maintenance. She's a whole lotta work." So you start looking around. Your eye wanders, and who do you find? Who do you settle for and move in with, get a mortgage and a two car garage? Convenience. That's right. Convenience becomes the beauty. Ease and comfort and who cares about style. America the Convenient. paved . easy . strip mall . internet. That's the girl we marry.

MAN
Let's dance. You dance?

(SOPHIA can't answer, so, unable to do anything else, she goes with the MAN. DANNI lights a cigarette. The MAN takes SOPHIA to the dance floor. They dance. A martini arrives. The WAITRESS pushes to DANNI'S mic.)

WAITRESS
It's on him.

(She indicates a man seated at the bar. He waves. Eerily, he is dressed like DANNI. DANNI nods, grins, thumbs up, turns forward frowning, downing the martini as she speaks. The WAITRESS goes to the other microphone.)

DANNI
I dreamed it was nineteen-forty-four in France and I was a war correspondent reporting on the progress of the Allied invasion.

(The WAITRESS speaks low into the mic while DANNI tells her story into her microphone.)

(The jazz music stops. The WAITRESS sings a French cabaret song. DANNI continues; the role of DANNI will be played by the other man from the bar. The one who sent over the drinks. He wears the same shirt and tie as DANNI. The actors simply act. They do not pretend to talk.)

(DANNI sits on the floor. Sulks. A woman CHORUS member stands near the back. She sings ardently . skillfully . beautifully . to the universe.)

WOMAN SINGING (a cappella)
WHAT IF I COULD
SWALLOW THE OCEAN
WHAT IF I COULD
WALK THRU A FIRE
WHAT IF I COULD
FLY IN THE MOONLIGHT
WOULD I BE DESIRED?
WHAT IF I COULD
BUST DOWN A MOUNTAIN
WHAT IF I COULD
SEE THRU YOUR HEART
WOULD IT MAKE ME
JUST A LITTLE WISER
COULD THAT BE A START?

(DANNI loosens her tie. The other CHORUS members enter. Breathing. A college courtyard, late at night.

The CHORUS become the structures: a WALL, a DOOR, the CORNER of the building and a BENCH in front of the wall. They breathe as one, slowly, carefully, their mouths gaping. In. Out.

In.

Out.


In.)

WALL
Silence.

DOOR
Silence.

CORNER
Silence.

BENCH
Silence.

CHORUS (as a unit)
Silence is the voice of complicity.

(SOPHIA enters. Dressed for art-making. Looks a long time at DANNI. DANNI takes a piece of chalk out of her pocket. At last. SOPHIA speaks.)

SOPHIA
I. Brought chalk. Like you said.

DANNI
You're here.

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
I didn't think you'd.

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
I mean. I didn't think.

SOPHIA
Yeah. Well. Chalk?

DANNI (getting up)
Yeah! Chalk! Our mighty chalk!

(DANNI scrawls words across the WALL. The sound of chalk on a hard surface squeaks along with her hand-strokes.)

DANNI
Parents are gonna freak, huh?

SOPHIA
What should I do?

DANNI
I didn't think you'd ... it seemed like ... after ... why'd you ... why'd you come?

SOPHIA
What should I do?

DANNI
Do what you feel. Make a statement. You're artistic. Think of something.

SOPHIA
You hate my art. Remember?

DANNI
I don't hate your art.

SOPHIA
You said . what you wrote . when you wrote--

DANNI
Not cuz I hate it.

SOPHIA
Then why did you say--?

DANNI
Do something now. While I write . Draw . Or something. Just remember. Content. Okay? You with me?

SOPHIA
Content. I'm with you.

(SOPHIA settles on the sidewalk. She spreads several large pieces of colored chalk near her. She begins to draw a large shape. DANNI scrawls on the door.)

DANNI
The deans -- the president. Totally freak.

SOPHIA (drawing. absorbed.)
Yeah. Freak.

DANNI
I wonder how many times these walls have been marked up? Parents' Day happens every year, right? Always got lots a people got lots to say...

(DANNI moves to the corner and scrawls.)

CHORUS
We are not amused.

DANNI
"We are not amused." That's a good one. That's a good one, all right. What'dyou got?

(DANNI looks at SOPHIA'S work.)

What do you got?

SOPHIA
It's not finished. It's -- it'll be -- a flower.

DANNI
But what'sits say?

SOPHIA
"Flower"?

DANNI
Is that a joke? Are you joking?

SOPHIA
Not a joke.

DANNI
But you're joking, right?

SOPHIA
It's a flower.

DANNI
I can -- yeah. It's a flower. But what's it mean? What'sit say?

SOPHIA
It says -- "flower." I made it for you.

DANNI
This is political. We're making a statement. Come on! what kinda statement does "flower" make?

SOPHIA
It's Parents' Day. I thought it'd be nice.

DANNI
We're not trying to be nice. It's not supposed to be nice. It's supposed to be a wake-up call! It's supposed to make 'em think! It's supposed to mean something!

SOPHIA
It means something to me. A hopeful sentiment.

DANNI
It's not supposed to be some pretty sentiment.

SOPHIA
Maybe I like my parents.

DANNI
Here. Look. Watch me.

(DANNI goes to the bench and grinds the words into the surface with a vengeance.)

See?

(SOPHIA looks.)

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
It says something.

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
"Nuke a Gay Whale for Christ." That says something.

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
So what's yours gonna say?

SOPHIA
Nothing. It's a real quiet flower.

DANNI
It's stupid. A flower is stupid. Worse than stupid. And I'm outta chalk. Gimme sa'more chalk.

SOPHIA
You should have brought more then.

DANNI
Not for more stupid flowers.

SOPHIA
Yeah, for more stupid flowers.

DANNI
I'm doing all the work here. Give me the chalk.

SOPHIA
You go get more.

DANNI
Now! While no one's around!

SOPHIA
I'm making flowers. Beautiful, truthful, flowers. For Parents' Day. That's my statement. My gift to the school. Art. Artistic. Something beautiful. People will be sad when they wash away. They'll be missed -- not like yours. People will be glad when they're gone. The only thing they'll make people think is "what kinda psycho goes to this school anyway?"

DANNI
Give me the chalk -- I'm done asking nice.

SOPHIA
Look at your "message"! You're all over the place! It reads like the back of an '84 Pinto!

(DANNI moves in fast for the chalk. They grapple for possession of the chalk as the chorus speaks.)

(The grappling has become a brawl, and DANNI hurts SOPHIA. Everything stops. Silence. DANNI steps back. SOPHIA takes the chalk and smashes it into dust by any means possible, under foot, by breaking it into bits, by throwing -- all except one piece. The CHORUS wheels in a chalkboard and places it where the WALL had been. SOPHIA takes the piece and writes boldly on the board.)

(SOPHIA writes.)

"-- I am --
-- my --
a r t"

(She puts the chalk in DANNI'S hand. )

(SOPHIA leaves. DANNI stands. Silence.)

CHORUS
Silence.

CHORUS
Silence.

CHORUS
Silence.

CHORUS
Silence.

CHORUS (as a unit, whispered)
Silence.

(DANNI goes to the board and writes the letters "h" and "e" changing "art" to "heart.")

(DANNI goes to the flower and touches it, lies on the ground beside it . on her side . slightly curved . a half moon . with her feet tucked behind.

The chorus breathes.

In.

Out.


In.


Daybreak the CHORUS heralds the sunrise, a complex supple sound. DANNI does not move. The board is pushed away.

A woman from the CHORUS goes to DANNI, takes the piece of chalk, begins to draw a chalk outline around DANNI.)

WOMAN (drawing)
The only regret
I will have in dying
is if it is not for love.
-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

(The woman remains, kneeling beside DANNI as a man from the CHORUS approaches, also kneels, takes the chalk, and continues the outline as he speaks.)

MAN (drawing)
There are
worse occupations in this world
than feeling a woman's pulse
-- Laurence Sterne

(The chalk is passed to the next CHORUS member, who continues the outline, kneeling.)

CHORUS (drawing)
When my desire grows to fierce
I wear my bed clothes
inside out.
-- Ono No Najera

(The chalk is passed to the fourth CHORUS member, concluding the drawing.)

CHORUS (drawing)
Love probably doesn't exist. It is not a thing, but a landscape,
consisting of a series of objects unconnected to each other,
but seen as a whole.
-- Viktor Shklovsky

(The CHORUS is now all kneeling around DANNI. They look at one another. Speak to one another. And. React. Respond. Flattered. Or. Impressed. Or. Moved. At some point, they gently remove DANNI'S shoes and socks.)

CHORUS
I came upon no wine so wonderful as thirst.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

CHORUS
You're beautiful. Like a May fly.
-- Ernest Hemingway

CHORUS
Being kissed on the back of the knee is a moth at the window screen.
-- Ann Sexton

CHORUS
I teach my sighs to lengthen into songs.
-- Theodore Roethke

CHORUS
It is for love that I live all alone. Because the lovers I imagine are safer than the ones I have known.
-- Anonymous

CHORUS
If you wish to drown, do not torture yourself with shallow water.
-- Bulgarian proverb

CHORUS
Passion is sweeter split strand by strand. Divided and re-divided like mercury then gathered up only at the last moment.
-- Jeanette Winterson

CHORUS
Love is made by two people, in different kinds of solitude.
-- Louis Aragon

CHORUS
Love's a fire. But whether it's going to warm your heart or burn your house down, you can never tell.
-- Joan Crawford

CHORUS
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.
-- Plato

(Each CHORUS member moves away as he or she speaks. SOPHIA enters.)

CHORUS
Sophia enters.

CHORUS
Sophia returns.

CHORUS
Sophia sees Danni.

CHORUS
Sophia isn't sure about anything at all.

CHORUS
Oh, she's sure.

CHORUS
She's not.

CHORUS
Shhhhh. She's trying to say something.

CHORUS
She is?

CHORUS
What?

CHORUS
Shhh!

SOPHIA
Danni?

Danni?

Danielle?

DANNI
Oooooooooohhhhhh... I hate that. Don't call me that.

SOPHIA
I had to see you.

DANNI
Go away.

SOPHIA
I. Want to show you something. Prove something.

DANNI
Don't look at me, okay? Don't even look at me.

SOPHIA
Sit up.

DANNI
No.

SOPHIA
Just sit up. Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?

DANNI
I'm going to die.

SOPHIA
Sit up.

DANNI
No.

(SOPHIA sits next to DANNI.)

SOPHIA
I want to prove something. To you. About me. My point. The other night. I was trying. With the flower. To make a point. Well. To piss you off. It was supposed to piss you off and yeah so it did and you pissed me off and I've been pissed off for a few days now but the thing is the thing is. I can't stop thinking about you, see? So there it is. I can't and, are you all right?

DANNI
My feet are freezing.

SOPHIA
Where are your shoes?

DANNI
I. I. I. Took them off. Or someone stole them. Someone's walking around sweating in my shoes. It doesn't matter. Anyway. Your point?

SOPHIA
My point?

DANNI
You said you had a point?

SOPHIA
I'm sorry your feet are cold.

DANNI
That's your point?

SOPHIA
My point? No. Would you like my shoes?

DANNI
Your point?

SOPHIA
My point. First. First. Let me say. Let me tell you. Let me say. I'll tell you. I. Last night. I had. This. I had a dream. I had a dream about us. It was about us and the thing is, see? We were forty. Forty years old, the two of us. I had a dream that we were forty years old and we lived somewhere I guess I guess it was somewhere it must've been somewhere, except I'm not sure where, but that doesn't matter. There wasn't any ocean. It was just land with hills and grass and trees, and there were mountains over that way, when we looked west or north I think, but anyway. There were horses. We had a barn with our horses and I would get up mornings and feed them. And we had a kitchen and it smelled like apples. Isn't that funny to smell in a dream? But I could smell them. Apples. And we were forty. A whole lifetime away.

DANNI
Is that your point?

SOPHIA
No. No. No. That's not my point, that was just a dream I had, that's all. I just wanted to tell you it. But my point. My point. This. This is my point.

(SOPHIA unfolds her little black dress.)

I want. I would like. I want you. To wear this. To put this on. I want. To see it on you. To see if it fits to see how it fits to see if this is ever going to work and then...

CHORUS
Then...?

DANNI
Then...?

SOPHIA
Then. Let me. Draw you. I want to draw you. In it. See? I've never drawn a person before, people. Still-lifes and abstracts and gardens and flowers. But no people. And I and I think maybe, it's time to try. Even though I won't be good at it, but I want it to be you. You Danni. Will you? Will you? For me?

DANNI
I don't wear dresses. I don't wanna wear a dress. It doesn't hang right. I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like a fool and I can't just wear one like that. I wear men's pants. Cuz they suit me. I like the pockets. 100% cotton . relaxed fit . sits at the natural waist . roomy seat and thighs . fuller leg with slight taper at the ankle . hidden credit card pocket . contrasting inside waist band . twill tape hanger loop for easy hanging . all seams are double stitched for strength . machine wash . imported. But a dress? It isn't me.

SOPHIA
No. It isn't you. It's a dress. And that. That isn't you either. It's a shirt. And your tie? I love your tie, Danni, your vintage tie, but even that isn't you and those pants aren't your legs either. What I want to draw what I need to see. Is content, Danni. I want to know your content. I want to see it in this context. And I want to draw it, I need to draw it, so I can understand every line. And then. We'll see. We'll go . slow.

Lie down.

DANNI
Lie down?

SOPHIA
Over here. On your back. See? I'm always afraid of getting lost. Going someplace new and just getting lost. So I always bring a map. That's what we need. Right now. That's what we'll do. A map. So. Lie down, Danni. I'll have to get close to the bone.

(Exotic, Eastern, organic music, chimes, woodwinds, lyre. DANNI removes her tie. Gives it to SOPHIA. She then unbuttons her shirt. Removes it. A tank-top underneath, looking very much like SOPHIA did that first time. DANNI rolls her pant legs up too, while SOPHIA folds her discarded clothing. DANNI lies down, surrendering control. SOPHIA positions DANNI'S hands and legs, just so, on the ground, spread from one another . even her fingers. SOPHIA takes up the chalk and draws a careful outline of DANNI'S body on the ground while she speaks.)

Where have I never been?
a coal mine
a salt mine
in medieval France
in modern France
or Greece or Italy or Russia
I have never been to the moon
or Mexico

CHORUS
I have never ridden a Greyhound Bus
I have never been to a pro boxing match
or boxed in a pro ring
I have never fought a duel
or been in a brawl
looted a store
never been to Mardi Gras
never been to an opera
never been to jail

DANNI
never been dead
been close though
never been to a rodeo
never seen the Alamo
never seen a volcano
went once to Ohio
but not Cincinnati

CHORUS
never been in a courtroom
or been to a race track
or a rocket launch
or a fencing match
never seen Mount Rushmore
or all five Oscar Best Picture Nominees

SOPHIA
never been to China or Tibet
although Tibet is sometimes in my dreams

CHORUS
never been to Cairo
or with Jane Goodall
studying chimpanzees in Gombe
never worked in a sweatshop
never worked in an office building
never been on a submarine
never been inside someone else's brain
or in their blood

SOPHIA & DANNI & CHORUS (hushed)
I've never heard another person's thoughts.

(The map is complete. SOPHIA helps DANNI to her feet. They look at each other. A long time. Slowly. Kiss.)

DANNI
Sophia.

SOPHIA
Mmm-hm.

DANNI
Dance with me.

(They prepare to dance, as does the CHORUS, taking partners. ALL breathe, clasping hands. In. Out. In. about to begin . then . dark . music continues . maybe voices . simple . supple . beautiful)

END OF PLAY

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Kato McNickle is a playwright, artist, and director. Her plays have won numerous awards, including a Spirit of Broadway Award and the 2003 Robert Lehan Playwriting Award. She is a 2003 Ensemble Studio Theatre New Voices Fellow. Her short play "Bull!" will be presented in The Beast Festival in NYC October 2004, and a monologue from To Die For Want Of Lobster will be included in an upcoming collection of best monologues from Smith and Kraus. Visit her on the Web at members.aol.com/katomcnick [link defunct]. She works well with dogs and teenagers and can wrangle most livestock.

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