Issue 5 • Spring 2003 • Featured Writer • Drama
Avery CrozierParisParis
The lights come back up with a beautiful stained-glass window effect.
MILDRED, ROGER and ARJAY stand transfixed. After a moment, MILDRED reads from a brochure.
MILDRED
Saint Chapelle was the private chapel of Louis -- what is that? -- the ninth, I think -- and was built to house the relics of the crown of thorns and a piece of the True Cross. Louis the ninth -- later St. Louis -- paid more for the relics than he did for the entire chapel.
ROGER
This is the most beautiful church I've ever been in. Just look at those windows!
ARJAY
And the afternoon sun is hitting them just right.
SCHILLER
(Appearing, with a map.)
I planned it that way. I really wanted you to see this.
|
MILDRED
Schiller, it's wonderful!
|
|
ROGER
Just magnificent!
|
ROGER
Is there a book? I want to buy a book.
SCHILLER
(Taking a picture.)
Hold still -- I'll take your picture.
ROGER
I still want a book.
SCHILLER
Okay, we'll get a book. There's a shop downstairs. Shall we go?
ARJAY
We just got here!
ROGER
I want to sit and look.
MILDRED
I really need to sit, Roger.
SCHILLER
But not too long if we're going to make it to the Pompidou before it closes.
ARJAY
Schiller, we just got to Paris.
|
MILDRED
We've already seen Notre Dame, the Seine --
|
|
ARJAY
Your poor parents...!
|
ROGER
Had lunch! It was very good.
MILDRED
But we haven't had our nap.
SCHILLER
You napped in the Chunnel!
ARJAY
Shhh! This is a chapel...
ROGER
I slept right through it!
MILDRED
I didn't sleep.
ARJAY
Don't be a travel Nazi.
SCHILLER
All right, we can skip the Pompidou.
ROGER
Your mother's exhausted and her hips hurt. Come sit with me, Mildred, and be my honey.
MILDRED
Don't blame it all on me, Roger. You're the one with the atrial fibrillation.
ROGER and MILDRED sit, apart from ARJAY and SCHILLER. Gradually, the lights go out on ROGER and MILDRED.
ARJAY
They're really doing very well. Overall.
SCHILLER
Surprisingly well. I know. There's just so much I want them to see. It's not like you and
I are seeing anything new. This trip is for them.
ARJAY
Which is why we should see it at their pace.
SCHILLER
Walking that slowly feels like I'm stuck in tar.
ARJAY
You've done a great job of planning the whole trip. I haven't had to do a thing.
SCHILLER
And you got to see your stupid stone circles. Took a million photographs.
ARJAY
Thank you, baby. I already know how to work them into my painting series.
SCHILLER
Do you think we should tell them tonight?
ARJAY
I don't know why you're avoiding it.
|
SCHILLER
I'm not avoiding --
|
|
ARJAY
You keep putting it off.
|
SCHILLER
I just want it to be the right moment. I don't know how they'll react.
ARJAY
Tonight's that restaurant halfway down Montmartre, with the Japanese owner --
SCHILLER
He's not Japanese, he's a Japanophile. He dates a Japanese woman and has a Japanese chef --
ARJAY
-- Who makes the best foie gras --
SCHILLER
So they're bound to be in a good mood -- they'll be eating the best meal of their lives.
ARJAY
Do they know what foie gras is?
ROGER
(In the dark.)
What is this?
Lights up on ROGER and MILDRED seated at a table. SCHILLER and ARJAY join them.
SCHILLER, ARJAY AND MILDRED
It's foie gras!
ROGER
It looks like a baby liver.
ARJAY
It's goose liver.
SCHILLER
They force-feed the goose to make the liver especially rich --
MILDRED
What do they do with the rest of the goose?
ARJAY
Somebody eats it, I'm sure.
MILDRED
I'd just hate to think the poor goose goes through all that -- could you imagine -- your whole life and you turn out to be nothing but an appetizer!
ROGER
Little goose, little goose, give me your liver!
(In a goose voice.)
Oh, no, I'm not! Not even a sliver!
SCHILLER
Dad!
ROGER
Too late little goose!
(Pops the entire foie gras in his mouth.)
ARJAY
Oh, no!
|
SCHILLER
Dad, gross!
|
|
MILDRED
Roger!
|
ROGER
(His mouth full.)
What? You want me to spit it out?
ARJAY
That is so wrong.
SCHILLER
It's an exquisite delicacy. You're supposed to savor it -- on toast points!
ROGER
It was good. Gone now, though.
ARJAY
At least Mildred can enjoy it slowly.
MILDRED
I don't think I can enjoy it at all. It makes me too sad.
WAITER
(Appearing.)
Did Monsieur enjoy the foie gras?
ROGER
Excellent!
WAITER
Would you like another?
ROGER
No, thank you. Apparently my wife doesn't want hers. Mildred?
MILDRED
Go ahead, Roger.
SCHILLER
Ma, you have to eat it! It's the best dish in the whole world!
WAITER
Merci beaucoup.
|
SCHILLER
C'est vrai. But I haven't tried it yet.
|
|
ROGER
Too late! (Pops the whole foie gras in his mouth.)
|
SCHILLER glares at ROGER.
ARJAY
This our third time to Paris together and our third time here.
WAITER
Très bien.
SCHILLER
We met the owner last time. What is his name -- Marcel?
WAITER
No, no, that is the old owner. How you say -- previous?
SCHILLER
He sold the restaurant?
WAITER
Oui. Two years almost.
SCHILLER
No!
ARJAY
And the Japanese chef?
WAITER
(Shrugs.)
How can Japanese cook French?
ARJAY
He was very good.
SCHILLER
You fired him?
WAITER
I am not owner.
ARJAY
You have a French chef now?
WAITER
Oui. Non. Algerian.
SCHILLER
Algerian!?
WAITER
Excusez-moi.
(Disappears.)
ARJAY
Schiller --
(Looking around.)
I think everyone here is Algerian.
ROGER
And you said that really loud.
SCHILLER
You're the loud ones!
MILDRED
Are they all looking, or am I paranoid?
ROGER
Algerians are Arabs, aren't they?
SCHILLER
Algeria is in Africa.
ARJAY
But Islamic I think is what your father means.
MILDRED
(Brightly.)
So tomorrow will we go to the Giradelle graveyard? An actual headstone!
SCHILLER
(Overlapping.)
Only if you want to give up three other things. It's outside Paris, so it'll take most of the day --
ARJAY
What's scheduled?
SCHILLER
And you'd miss your nap.
ARJAY
Is tomorrow the Muse De Orsay?
SCHILLER
It's the Musée d'Orsay, but yes. I planned on lunch there -- they've got a great buffet -- then -- God smiles on his pious children -- the Louvre is open late.
MILDRED
So I won't be doing any genealogy on this trip?
SCHILLER
Ancestors aren't us, Ma. They don't have anything to do with us.
|
MILDRED
I think they do in a way.
|
|
ROGER
We can do genealogy in Germany.
|
MILDRED
That's your side of the family, Roger. What about mine?
SCHILLER
You can't expect the dead to tell you who you are.
MILDRED
You're right. It's fine. It's not like I'm the DAR. It really isn't important in the grand scheme.
SCHILLER
(After a pause.)
Ma, I'm sorry. It's just -- we don't have time --
MILDRED
In a hundred years we'll all be dead and none of this will matter.
ARJAY
(To SCHILLER.)
You better do a better apology than that.
SCHILLER
Okay, Ma, I know it's important to you, so maybe we can skip the Louvre --
ROGER
Skip the Louvre!?
|
SCHILLER
Dad!
|
|
ARJAY
Shhhh!
|
WAITER arrives, silently drops off the check, and starts to leave.
SCHILLER
Wait a minute, what's this?
WAITER
(Icy.)
Pardonnez-moi?
SCHILLER
What's this? It looks like the check.
WAITER
Quoi? Qu'est-ce que c'est "check?"
SCHILLER
L'addition.
WAITER
Oui.
SCHILLER
We've only had the appetizer. We're here for dinner.
WAITER
Je ne comprends.
|
SCHILLER
We ordered entrees.
|
|
ARJAY
The foie gras was great.
|
WAITER
Je ne parle Anglais.
SCHILLER
You spoke it just fine a minute ago. OK, je parle un petit Français --
WAITER laughs and leaves.
ROGER
(After a moment.)
I don't think we're gonna get served.
SCHILLER
Yes, we are. I'll just have to use my French, which I don't really have.
ARJAY
I suspect we'll be actively ignored until we leave.
SCHILLER
Then we won't leave. We'll just wait until we're waited on.
MILDRED
Oh, no, Schiller, let's not do that.
ROGER
If we're not being treated well, we can go somewhere else.
SCHILLER
This is a special place and it's a special evening and we're going to stay here till it gets special again.
ARJAY
It's not that special.
SCHILLER
That's true. The foie gras --
(Louder.)
-- Wasn't nearly as good as it used to be!
|
ARJAY
Jesus, Schiller!
|
|
ROGER
Shhhhhh!
|
|
MILDRED
Sweetie, relax!
|
ARJAY
You're being a very ugly American at the moment. Stop it!
ROGER
If we have this much trouble with the French, imagine the Germans!
SCHILLER
Fine. I'll be quiet. But we're going to wait.
MILDRED
(After a few tense moments.)
How long?
SCHILLER
(After a few more tense moments.)
Arjay and I have some news we've been saving --
ARJAY
Oh, Schiller, not now!
SCHILLER
No, this is the perfect time. This is when we planned to tell them. And we have --
(Looking around.)
-- Nothing else to do just now --
ARJAY
You'll taint the moment.
SCHILLER
The moment's been tainted.
(ARJAY gestures "go ahead then.")
Arjay and I are getting married.
ROGER
(After a moment.)
In a church?
SCHILLER
In my church. The minister's retiring and we want him to perform the ceremony before he goes.
MILDRED
But isn't Arjay kind of an atheist?
ARJAY
I worship all 128 Egyptian gods.
SCHILLER
You always say that, but you take communion at Christmas and Easter.
ARJAY
And the wine boils and the host flies across the room.
SCHILLER
But.
ARJAY
But it's important to Schiller to do it in a Lutheran church.
SCHILLER
So -- some good news.
(After a moment of silence.)
What do you think?
MILDRED
Schiller, are you sure? Why ruin what you've got?
|
ROGER
You've been together eight years --
|
|
SCHILLER
Ruin?
|
SCHILLER
You're trying to talk us out of it?
MILDRED
No, no, of course not. I've just seen so many couples -- cohabitate -- then when they get married, they break up within a few months.
ARJAY
We're together together. No quickie divorce after a couple of months.
ROGER
(Toasting.)
Well, congratulations.
(Nudging MILDRED.)
To the happy couple!
ARJAY
(As they clink glasses.)
I've been dying to tell you for weeks.
MILDRED
When?
ARJAY
We've known for, well, months, actually --
MILDRED
No, no. When is the actual ceremony? What date?
SCHILLER
Not for another nine to ten months.
MILDRED
That won't work.
SCHILLER
We have to have time to plan.
MILDRED
No, that's too long.
ARJAY
What do you mean?
MILDRED
Assuming you want me to come.
SCHILLER
Ma, what do you mean? Of course you're invited.
MILDRED
What was that Italian saying? About God and plans?
SCHILLER
Uomo proposo, Dio disposo.
MILDRED
God is disposing -- of me.
SCHILLER
(After a moment.)
What...do you mean?
ROGER
Your mother has cancer again, Schiller.
SCHILLER
What...kind?
MILDRED
Colon. Just like Ma and Pa had.
SCHILLER
But treatments have improved since then. They'd still be with us today --
Chances are --
MILDRED
It's an operation and then chemo. I'm not going through that again.
SCHILLER
You're...not...
MILDRED
No.
SCHILLER
You'd rather...
MILDRED
Yes.
SCHILLER stares at MILDRED a moment, forces back tears, then hugs MILDRED very tightly.
MILDRED
(While comforting SCHILLER.)
So your wedding sounds wonderful. Roger and I would love to come. Just sooner than later please, sooner than later.
End of Act One.
***
Next Page:
Berlin (page 7 of 9 pages)
All Pages: See the entire play on one page
Table of Contents: Walking to Buchenwald
Go To:
Issue 5 or Lodestar Quarterly home page
|
