Issue 6 • Summer 2003 • Featured Writer • Drama
Troy HillAct I, Scene 10
Scene 10.
Jonathan and Todd are at the table in their New York apartment.
JON
Why did you do it?
TODD
Oh my God. Jon. Please. It just seems like ancient history after all I've been through with my family.
JON
I'm not angry. I was. I know you've had a rough week. I've had time to process. We've talked about this. I just wish you would have told me. How long has it been going on? Trust is based on honesty.
TODD
It's not a big deal -- just sex. He's just a fuck buddy. Was. He's moved away. So it's history. Forget about it.
JON
You won't see him again?
TODD
No. It's over.
JON
Well, I got the impression -- I mean you said you were seeing someone.
TODD
Look, I was just exaggerating so you wouldn't come down. It's been over for a long time.
JON
Todd, how could you do that to me? I was very upset.
Todd goes over and rubs Jonathan.
TODD
I'm sorry. Really. Look, I'm really tired. It was just sex. We have an agreement. I mean, I am younger than you.
JON
I know. But you shouldn't have lied to me. You should have just told me that you weren't comfortable with my coming down.
TODD
I did.
JON
It may be no big deal now if you run off and sleep with someone. But our lives will be changing with the children, and then we really need to make a commitment to monogamy. And honesty. You told me you wanted to be open from the beginning, but things are changing. Somehow it just came as a shock, especially that it happened more than once. We need to think about what things will be like with the children. We need to consider what kind of example we'll be setting.
Todd breaks away.
TODD
Okay.
JON
So anyway, speaking of children, how was it? The family? The talks?
How did Audrey respond?
TODD
Fabulously.
JON
Really? That's great. You need to have continuity in your life...
TODD
No, of course not really. It was like being in this cloud of paralyzing gas.
JON
Really, that bad?
TODD
They completely...They're just completely delusional, are not in touch with reality, at all, and don't seem to have any desire to touch it. They pretend you don't exist. If I mention your name my mother just changes the subject.
JON
And your Dad?
TODD
He says nothing. And they have no idea. They act like they're the happy-go-lucky perfect family. God forbid anyone says anything real. But you know what? Actually, there was this one moment when my Dad told me how much he hated the fact that I was gay and it was great.
JON
This was good?
TODD
Yes. It was like the only honest moment of the whole trip. I felt actual affection for him in that moment. There was that one small moment of him saying how much I disgust him -- and that was actually the best part of the trip.
JON
I think that's something you might want to explore, Todd. I mean listen to what you're saying. You're saying you take pleasure in being punished. That's kind of twisted.
TODD
No, I'm saying it was refreshing to hear something honest.
JON
Okay.
TODD
My God, it's like having a full-time fucking analyst.
JON
No, I'm not being an analyst, which is not what I am anyway -- I'm a therapist, I'm being your partner, your "boyfriend." I'm a human being too, okay? I have feelings too, not just you. You know I'm losing in this scenario, too. My parents are getting up there in years. There's no telling how long they'll be around. I want my kids to have grandparents.
TODD
Oh God.
JON
Well it's true. What about the way I feel? What did they say about me? What did they say about us having kids?
TODD
We didn't discuss it.
JON
You didn't discuss it?
TODD
No.
JON
Well why not? I thought that was the whole point of you going.
TODD
No, it was your point. The point was that my sister had an operation. She thought the idea of us having kids was an abomination. How do you like that?
JON
Well how did you present it?
TODD
Holy shit.
JON
And why didn't you address your parents about this issue?
TODD
Oh my God! They won't even respond when I say your name. You want me to talk to them about being the grandparents to our kids? I can't even afford my own studio and you think I'm ready to pay for kids. Adoption is expensive. So is the other stuff. Medical bills. I can't afford my own.
JON
We'll work all that out.
TODD
I don't know if I want to.
JON
What do you mean?
TODD
I mean this whole family track. I have my career to think about.
JON
Todd, when was the last time you painted?
TODD
That's what I'm saying. I never get a chance to around here.
JON
Oh, so it's my fault. I'm keeping you from painting.
TODD
Yes. It's this lifestyle.
JON
Being gay is keeping you from painting?
TODD
No! This whole relationship thing.
JON
Todd, I am not keeping you from anything. You have to take responsibility for yourself. For what you want.
TODD
You know, you're right.
JON
If you don't want kids right now that's fine. We can just stay free and easy and go sleep around and why don't you take up drugs again while you're at it?
TODD
Good idea.
JON
No really. And we can just party and have no attachments until we're old men, if we live that long, with nothing to show for anything except a list of sex partners longer than the phone book -- not to mention the list of diseases. That's what we should do.
TODD
Sounds good to me.
JON
You're serious.
TODD
Yes.
JON
I know you don't mean it. I know you're upset. I know it must have been disappointing to have your parents ignore your needs. At least we have the support of my parents.
TODD
Whatever. Look, I don't know if I can deal with this. Really.
JON
With what?
TODD
This. Us. Being in a relationship. Having to deal with you -- this family shit.
JON
Todd, don't turn me into them.
TODD
Just stop! Just shut the fuck up. I'm tired. I'm tired of this. Of apologizing, of being the bad guy all the time.
JON
This is good stuff. You're stripping away your defenses --
TODD
Oh my God.
JON
Just talk to me.
TODD
(Exasperated) Just do me a favor. Don't say anything right now.
(Pause)
TODD
I'm. I'm going to move out.
JON
Todd, come on.
TODD
I just need to deal with myself.
JON
You're running away.
TODD
Whatever.
JON
Exactly. Okay. Look, we'll talk about this tomorrow, okay? You're tired. Don't be stupid.
TODD
I'm going to get a place with Janice.
JON
What?
TODD
She's moving to the city. I just need to get my head together. I need to focus on my work.
JON
Oh my God. This is crazy. Why didn't you tell me this? What is going on?
TODD
I just decided. She just decided. And I just decided now.
JON
Just now?
TODD
Yes.
JON
Why didn't you tell me you were thinking about this?
TODD
She only just mentioned it when I was home.
JON
Oh my God. You really. I can't believe this. You're recreating the negative dynamic of your maternal relationship with Janice.
TODD
Don't fucking analyze me.
JON
It's so obvious.
TODD
Well just because you're a man doesn't mean you're not like my mother.
JON
At least we have sex.
TODD
Look, this just isn't where my head is right now. I need space.
JON
And you think you're going to get it from that psycho?
TODD
I don't know. I just know that's what feels right. I'll stay with Joel until we get settled.
JON
I can't believe you.
TODD
I'm not built for relationships.
JON
You. I've done everything right. This isn't fair. You sleep around. I forgive you. Now Janice. What is with you?
TODD
No. You know what it is? You are not even capable of really hearing me, of understanding. You're not able to appreciate me for who I am -- I'm an artist. I need space.
JON
Wow. No. I've been a doormat. That's my mistake. What about the children?
TODD
We don't have children. And I don't want any!
JON
Why haven't you ever told me that?
TODD
Why haven't you noticed?
Pause.
JON
What is this Janice going to give you that I can't?
TODD
Janice understands... about art. She understands me -- where I'm coming from.
JON
Oh, grow up. You have such an aggrandized view. And this Janice is going to -- what -- she'll feed your delusions of grandeur...
TODD
What?
JON
You can live some sexless --
TODD
We've had sex. What delusions?
JON
What? When you were there?
TODD
It doesn't matter. I mean, it's not that we're like a couple. I, I guess that's the point really. Not being a couple. I need to be alone. Creativity begins in solitude.
JON
Yeah, living some isolated, demented fantasy that no one understands you. That's the point, right? Wow, what geniuses you are. I can't believe you had sex with her.
TODD
You're the delusional one. The all-knowing therapist. What a joke. You can't even see what's in front of you. I never even wanted kids.
JON
Then why were you here? What did you want? What were we doing all this time?
TODD
I was fucking you and you paid the rent. That's what this was.
Pause.
JON
You know what? I want you out. You aren't ready to have a real family. I wonder if you ever will. And how stable a co-father would you make, really?
TODD
Oh damn. Miss out on that wonderful state of existence. You know what? I always thought the best part of being gay is that you get out of having a family or getting drafted. And now all you brilliant, politically correct dorks want to fuck that up.
JON
I feel sorry for you. You are completely incapable of experiencing love.
TODD
Fuck off.
JON
Why are you going to her? I want to know.
TODD
I'm just going.
Todd starts walking out.
JON
You owe me -- at least this. Tell me why?
TODD
Because, I don't know, at least Janice...I don't know.
JON
At least Janice what?
TODD
I don't know.
JON
Come on.
TODD
Because, because at least Janice isn't like this, she isn't this. Because with you I go to bed angry and I don't know why. Because I don't want to be forced into some lifestyle. Some idea of a life. Making money and taking vacations. I can't do it.
JON
You mean being an adult? Growing older. Admitting that you're just one in a million other people living out their lives in a fucked up world? Having to work for a living like everybody else? Admitting you're not Picasso or Matisse? Being a regular run-of-the-mill guy living a decent life with friends and family, working a decent job and going on vacations as opposed to the glamour of living in squalor and complaining that everyone else is an idiot besides you?
TODD
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Todd walks out.
JON
(Yelling) I know what you're doing. No one is going to save you. There's no one out there who's going to save you!
End of Act I.
Next Page:
Act II, Scene 1 (page 11 of 22 pages)
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