Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 8 • Winter 2003 • Featured Lodestar Writer • Drama

Now She Dances!

Doric Wilson

Act One

Entering

An empty stage lit by a work light. Scattered about is shabby rehearsal furniture and a rack with costumes to be used later in the play. During the preset, BILL enters from offstage and, acting as a stagehand, begins removing the furniture.

BILL, the new footman, is heartily young and blatantly American. Self-centered in his narrow sense of masculinity, he corresponds with the Young Syrian in Wilde's Salome. He wears Levi's and a T-shirt reading: "Nuke 'em All."

As BILL exits offstage with the next-to-last load of furniture, the house lights dim, and the ACTRESS who will play MISS SALOME and the ACTOR who will play SIR HEROD enter down the aisle.

The ACTOR is an aging matinee idol deteriorated into a rouged and rugged roué. His wardrobe is frayed foppish, he wears his topcoat casually draped over his shoulders. Later, as SIR HEROD he is Algernon well past his prime.

Dressed in anticipation of fame and fortune, the ACTRESS is an ingénue with a future. Later, as MISS SALOME, she is an uneasy blend of Gwendolen and the ecdysiast of the New Testament -- on the surface, a diffident daughter of propriety; in her soul, a carnivorous priestess of Moloch.

As the ACTOR and the ACTRESS reach the foot of the aisle, the play-within-a-play-within-a-play begins.

ACTRESS
(Disdainful of her surroundings) Is this --?

ACTOR
(Arms wide) A theater!

ACTRESS
Disgusting.

ACTOR
Atmospheric.

ACTRESS
Claustrophobic.

ACTOR
(Attending her with smirking lechery) Intimate.

ACTRESS
(Looking around as she ascends to the stage) Not at all what I was led to expect...

ACTOR
I think it's what they term experimental!

ACTRESS
(Doubtful) I sincerely hope not --

ACTOR
(Grabbing for her hand) You're here, I'm here -- we can still make this a meaningful experience.

ACTRESS
(Pulling away) Save it for later.

ACTOR
What need have you and I for flimsy make-believe? (Falling to his knees) Deep in my heart --

ACTRESS
I said later.

BILL enters from offstage to remove the last of the rehearsal furniture.

ACTOR
(To BILL) You're new.

BILL
(Defensive) What's it to you?

ACTOR
(To the actress, insinuating) Another "new" one.

ACTRESS
(Crossing to the costume rack) Five in the last month.

ACTOR
(Following the ACTRESS) Whatever does Lane do with them all?

BILL
Five what?

ACTOR
My costume hasn't been cleaned.

BILL
Not my job.

ACTRESS
(Examining the hem of her SALOME costume) What precisely is your job?

LANE, temporarily acting as stage manager, enters from offstage, carrying a clipboard. A butler with excellent references from The Importance of Being Earnest, LANE is smug and guarded -- the quintessential closet queen. He wears pin-striped trousers and a work apron. The rest of his butler's rig -- vest, stiff collar, and swallow-tailed coat -- wait on the costume rack.

LANE
(As he enters, protective of BILL) William will know his duties all in good time.

BILL exits offstage with the last of the rehearsal furniture.

ACTOR
(To LANE) My costume --

LANE
We couldn't afford to send it out.

ACTOR
(To the ACTRESS) With all due respect to you, m'dear -- (To LANE) we seem to have found the funds to clean hers.

ACTRESS
Mine are never soiled. (To LANE, indicating an exuberant red-feathered fan) What is this?

LANE
Your mother acquired it yesterday --

ACTOR
(To LANE, a throwaway) -- from Pick-n-Pay?

LANE
(To ACTOR, a throwaway) A traveling Gypsy.

ACTRESS
She intends to use it?

LANE
In Act Two.

ACTOR
It's in character.

ACTRESS
I wouldn't know. I never rely on props. (To LANE) You might suggest to dearest Mamma --

LANE
I've given her fair warning.

ACTRESS
(Shades of SALOME) Are you interrupting me?

LANE
Anticipating.

ACTRESS
(Sweetly) -- you might suggest to dearest Mamma, ever so nicely, that, in my final scene, should I notice even a flick of this fan, I shall throttle her where she sits.

ACTOR
Before we commence our little comedy, would you care to nip by my dressing room for a dram of Madeira, m'dear?

ACTRESS
You truly are, aren't you?

ACTOR
Dashing? Dauntless? Debonair?

ACTRESS
Wholly and altogether without redeeming social content.

The ACTRESS exits backstage toward her dressing room.

ACTOR
Hopelessly in love with me. They always are, all the ingénues. The price one pays for possessing a profile.

LANE
Might I remind you she is your daughter.

ACTOR
(Tightly) We've only my sister's word for that.

LANE
(Disapproving) But surely --

ACTOR
We both know how Herodias tends to muddle everything... (Before LANE can object)... should, in fact, the dear child be less kith than kin, we would do well to remember "the times they are a-changin'." One must be au courant.

LANE
Au contraire, one must be --

ACTOR
(As SIR HEROD) Servants do not speak French.

LANE
(As the butler) Very well, milord.

ACTOR
And spare me epigrams that snicker at incest.

LANE
As you say, milord.

ACTOR
A tone of censure? From you, Lane? (An innuendo) What did happen to the last one?

LANE
(In all innocence) The last one what?

BILL enters from offstage.

ACTOR
His "predecessor."

LANE
-- proved unsatisfactory. (To BILL) William, stand by to bring on the set.

BILL exits to the scene dock as GLADYS enters from the lobby. A maid with references from many other plays, she is arbitrary in her commitment to this one. A single woman of uncertain age, GLADYS is sister to Miss Prism. Dressed in contemporary street clothes, she carries her make-up kit, a PBS tote bag and her maid's costume on a hanger.

GLADYS
(To the audience, as she enters) Please, I'm late... which way is the rose garden? The rose garden, where is it?

LANE
Up here, Gladys.

GLADYS
(Hurrying down the aisle) Yes! Indeed! Up there you are, the evil-doer and the evil-done-unto! Problem is, which is which?

ACTOR
You're late.

GLADYS
We've already established that.

LANE
Very late.

GLADYS
(Climbing onto the stage) You're lucky I made it here at all. You won't believe the public transit in this burg. This one creep in a trench coat --

ACTOR
(Correcting) Not "transit --"

LANE
-- tram.

ACTOR
(Patronizing) Please try to remember, this is a period piece.

GLADYS
And so are you, dearie. (To the audience) Ain't he a picture of days gone by, what with his wavy rug and cheeks of rouge? Used to be a matinee idol, he was. Before electricity. (To the ACTOR) Had hair and teeth and everything, didn't you? Practically everything.

LANE
(Censuring) Gladys --

GLADYS
(To the audience) This one here's the butler. Very pompous he is, our Lane.

LANE
Gladys!

GLADYS
(To the audience) And the terror of the footmen. (Tweaking LANE under the chin) Grabs them above the knee in the pantry.

LANE
Gladys, that will do!!

ACTOR
Costumes are not to be removed from the theatre.

GLADYS
Took it back to my digs to wash it. Felt one of us should attempt to maintain some semblance of personal hygiene.

LANE
You'd best go in and change.

ACTOR
Tardy as you are.

GLADYS
(Looking around the stage) Where's the set? Finance company repossess it? Fire department find it too inflammatory? National Endowment revoke our grant?

LANE
(As the butler) The French doors lead from this rose garden into the London townhouse of Sir Herod, K.C.B.

GLADYS
(Still uncertain) French doors -- ?

ACTOR
(To GLADYS) You, however, use the servants' entrance --

LANE
(Indicating upstage right) -- back by the compost pile.

GLADYS
(To LANE) I don't need this job, you know. I've played more maids in more plays than you've had arrests for moral turpitude in Piccadilly tearooms.

GLADYS exits downstage left, establishing a nonconforming attitude toward entrances and exits she will maintain throughout the play.

ACTOR
(To LANE, a general to his aide) The preparations -- ?

LANE
-- are proceeding.

ACTOR
Tricky business seduction, requires the same meticulous attention to detail as a military campaign.

LANE
I've been briefed with tonight's battle plan.

ACTOR
The troops -- ?

LANE
Deployed.

ACTOR
The artillery -- ?

LANE
Primed.

ACTOR
The lady in question -- ?

LANE
-- unsuspecting.

ACTOR
My technique d'amour is derived entirely from the principles of armed conflict as delineated by Attila the Hun.

LANE
I might never have guessed.

ACTOR
Not much of a gentleman, that barbarian, but a damned fine strategist, romantically speaking.

LANE
The combatant's Kama Sutra?

ACTOR
As my friend the Marquis of Queensberry is wont to say, "the female of the species must always be treated as a treacherous adversary."

LANE
Sporting of him.

ACTOR
Lull the wench into a false sense of security with moonlight and music and when she lowers her drawbridge, mount your assault, rapier in hand!

LANE
The charge of the light brigade?

ACTOR
The ladies love it.

LANE
(Under his breath) Whatever gets you off.

ACTOR
Music is mandatory.

LANE
(Evading) There will be music.

ACTOR
(Licentiously) Ravel's Valses Nobles et Sentimentales?

LANE
As you requested.

ACTOR
Tape or CD?

LANE
Long play record.

ACTOR
(Crossing to the costume rack) Damned nuisance those musician chaps, demanding to be paid.

LANE
Fancy actors behaving so unprofessionally.

ACTOR
(Taking his costume) We can hardly expect Miss Salome to dance a cappella.

LANE
Assuming she condescends to dance at all.

ACTOR
Not dance? Don't be preposterous. It's expected... it's a matter of tradition... it's... it's in the script.

LANE
Then you need not worry.

ACTOR
(Almost an afterthought) As for the blood --

LANE
The blood will be authentic. Thick... warm... red... and most convincing.

ACTOR
Yes... well... jolly good.

The ACTOR exits offstage to his dressing room carrying his costumes.

Next Page:   Act , Setting the Stage   (page 5 of 14 pages)

All Pages:   See the entire play on one page

Table of Contents:   Now She Dances!

Doric Wilson was one of the first playwrights at New York City's legendary Caffé Cino and a pioneer of the Off-Off-Broadway movement, writing, directing, producing and designing over a hundred productions. He was a founding member of Circle Repertory Theater and the Barr/Wilder/Albee Playwright's Unit, a participant in all three nights of the Stonewall Riot, and was active in the early days of New York's gay liberation movement as a member of Gay Activist Alliance and as a "star" bartender and manager of the post-Stonewall gay bar scene, where he opened such landmark institutions as The Spike, TY's, and Brothers & Sisters Cabaret. His plays can also be read at www.doricwilson.com.

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