Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 8 • Winter 2003 • Featured Lodestar Writer • Drama

Now She Dances!

Doric Wilson

Fly in the Ointment

GLADYS
His lordship'll have apoplexy.

LANE
(Looking for somewhere to hide the album) His lordship need never know.

GLADYS
As for the kid, she'll have a conniption.

LANE
Miss Salome is no kid.

The ACTRESS enters upstage right, wearing a dressing gown.

ACTRESS
(To GLADYS, as she enters) You.

GLADYS
Yeah?

ACTRESS
"Yeah?"

GLADYS
(As a proper maid) Yes, Miss, I'm sure.

LANE takes advantage of the ACTRESS's distraction to hide the album behind one of the urns.

ACTRESS
(Watching LANE out of the corner of her eye) I'm not at all sure.

GLADYS
No, Miss.

ACTRESS
I've seen you somewhere before.

GLADYS
I've worked for a lot of other plays.

ACTRESS
(With a lethal smile) It's unlikely we frequent the same plays.

GLADYS
Yes, Miss.

ACTRESS
It's even less likely we frequent the same playwrights.

GLADYS
No, Miss.

ACTRESS
(Sweetly) My costumes?

GLADYS
Immediately.

GLADYS gathers the SALOME costumes from the rack and exits upstage right toward the dressing room.

ACTRESS
(To LANE, referring to LADY H's exit) Have we degenerated into improvisation?

LANE
Not if I can prevent it.

ACTRESS
I could hear Mamma's histrionics all the way to my dressing room.

LANE
A slight deviation in the narrative.

ACTRESS
(A warning) I abhor melodramatics.

LANE
As well you might.

ACTRESS
Almost as much as I detest spontaneity.

LANE
Nothing for you to worry your pretty head about.

ACTRESS
I intend to file a grievance with Actor's Equity.

LANE
(Nervous about the music) Which violation in particular?

ACTRESS
Production values.

LANE
If you refer to --

ACTRESS
(Pretended innocence) Music?

LANE
There's an perfectly good explanation --

ACTRESS
I am referring to the shabby set --

LANE
(Relieved) Hopefully the moonlight will minimize --

ACTRESS
(Stopping dead in her tracks) No moon.

LANE
But considering what's to transpire here tonight --

ACTRESS
No moon.

LANE
The moon is symbolic.

ACTRESS
(Nicely) No moon.

LANE
It's your show.

ACTRESS
You bet your sweet ass it is.

The ACTRESS exits upstage right to change into her SALOME costume as BILL enters from the scene dock with a pedestal.

BILL
(As he enters) Where do you want this?

LANE
The Holy Perch. Hand it to me. Reverently.

BILL gives the pedestal to LANE and exits to the scene dock.

LANE
(Placing the pedestal) What else is back there?

BILL
(Offstage) Not much. Lanterns... a box of empty bottles... the furniture for Act Two... some kind of a -- ouch! -- hatchet --

LANE
The headsman's axe.

BILL
(Offstage) Sharp S.O.B. (Continuing his inventory) -- croquet mallets... a cannon... the sphinx --

LANE
The summerhouse!

BILL
(Offstage) What's it look like?

LANE
Large...

BILL
(Offstage) No.

LANE
Octagon...

BILL
(Offstage) Nope.

LANE
Overwrought with wicker.

BILL
(Offstage) Not back here.

LANE
We cannot possibly proceed without it.

GLADYS enters downstage left.

GLADYS
You butlers slay me. You take everything so seriously.

LANE
Have you forgotten the importance of the summerhouse? (Indicating the back of the auditorium) It must stand there at the bottom of the garden.

GLADYS
Fake it.

LANE
Misrepresent?

GLADYS
(To BILL, offstage) Bill, what's back there by way of a substitute?

BILL
(Offstage) The box of bottles?

LANE
Keep rummaging.

BILL
(Offstage) Hey, guess what I found?

GLADYS
What?

BILL
(Offstage) The moon.

LANE
No moon.

GLADYS
Yes!

LANE
No.

GLADYS
(To BILL, offstage) Bill, bring it here.

LANE
(To BILL, offstage) William, the lanterns?

GLADYS
(To LANE) I'm very partial to moonlight.

LANE
No whimsy.

GLADYS
I'll keep it out of sight.

BILL enters from the scene dock with a carton of Chinese lanterns which he places on the floor. He exits back to the scene dock for the ladder.

GLADYS
Please, Lane, for me?

LANE
We've been specifically instructed to exclude it.

GLADYS
(Furious) Just you remember one thing: a maid never forgets. Never ever. Not in a thousand years.

Next Page:   Act , Finding the Deviant   (page 8 of 14 pages)

All Pages:   See the entire play on one page

Table of Contents:   Now She Dances!

Doric Wilson was one of the first playwrights at New York City's legendary Caffé Cino and a pioneer of the Off-Off-Broadway movement, writing, directing, producing and designing over a hundred productions. He was a founding member of Circle Repertory Theater and the Barr/Wilder/Albee Playwright's Unit, a participant in all three nights of the Stonewall Riot, and was active in the early days of New York's gay liberation movement as a member of Gay Activist Alliance and as a "star" bartender and manager of the post-Stonewall gay bar scene, where he opened such landmark institutions as The Spike, TY's, and Brothers & Sisters Cabaret. His plays can also be read at www.doricwilson.com.

Go To: Issue 8 or Lodestar Quarterly home page