Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 8 • Winter 2003 • Featured Lodestar Writer • Drama

Now She Dances!

Doric Wilson

Miss Salome Surveys

The French doors open revealing MISS SALOME dressed in a high-necked tea gown of pale lace sashed and bowed in pink satin. GLADYS sees her and backs to a nervous exit downstage right. BILL returns from the wings with a rusty moon shaped tray.

BILL
(As he enters) I know how much you wanted this so I --

BILL sees MISS SALOME, stops short, instinctively hiding the tray behind his back.

SALOME
(To the audience as she descends the stairs) I usually enter sidesaddle, riding a giant purple peacock, preceded by a hundred naked Nubians blowing fanfares on long, lovely golden horns. It's very musical.

BILL
(Love at first sight) I'll bet.

SALOME
Direct me to the garden.

BILL
This is it.

SALOME
I don't much care for it.

BILL
(Backing to the ladder) Come back when it's finished. There'll be fancy paper lanterns all over the place, there was even gonna be --

SALOME
Are you he?

BILL
"He" who?

SALOME
The degenerate.

BILL
I'm the footman. Bill. (Reconsidering) William.

SALOME
A degenerate molested Mamma today. Uncle Herod's gone out to catch him.

BILL
You're not supposed to know about that.

SALOME
I do know about it.

BILL
(Hiding the tray in the lantern carton) Figured you must.

SALOME
I know everything.

BILL
Don't be scared.

SALOME
I never am.

BILL
You're safe.

SALOME
Am I?

BILL
I'll protect you.

SALOME
You will?

BILL
(Climbing the ladder) I work here.

SALOME
So you said.

BILL
(Preening) I'm responsible for --

SALOME
Hanging the lanterns.

BILL
(Hanging the lanterns) Among my many other duties.

SALOME
Unskilled labor fascinates me.

BILL
It does?

SALOME
From afar.

BILL
Hanging lanterns is a lot more difficult than it looks.

SALOME
It must be.

BILL
It takes... (Fumbling with a lantern)

SALOME
Manual dexterity?

BILL
Naw, you just have to be good with your... (Dropping a lantern) ...hands.

SALOME
I admire expertise.

BILL
You won't believe this but my mom has a ceramic lamp by her bed that's the spitting image of you. When I was a kid -- before mom met up with my stepdad -- I'd crawl in under the cover with her and if I was a good boy --

SALOME
(Bored) She'd let you touch it?

BILL
(Retrieving the lantern) Yeah.

SALOME
When do we eat?

BILL
After church.

SALOME
Church?

BILL
Devotions.

SALOME
I'm hungry.

BILL
I'll find Lane.

SALOME
You'll do nothing of the sort.

BILL
But, Miss Salome --

SALOME
I am a nameless woman.

BILL
(Impressed) You are?

SALOME
And famished.

BILL
I could sneak down to the kitchen.

SALOME
What's down in the kitchen?

BILL
Food.

SALOME
(Interested) What kind of food?

BILL
I know where they keep the cookies.

SALOME
Forget it.

BILL
I could swipe you a glass of milk.

SALOME
Beef. Pork. Venison.

BILL
They don't feed us that.

SALOME
I wish you were the degenerate.

BILL
You do?

SALOME
(Pointing her finger gun-like at BILL) I'd take a gun and shoot your head off.

BILL
(Envious) You got a gun?

SALOME
I'm a girl. Girls don't play with guns.

BILL
Then you couldn't shoot my head off.

SALOME
Then I'd be at your mercy.

BILL
(A fantasy come true) Just like on TV.

SALOME
You concealed something behind your back.

BILL
(Cautious) I did?

SALOME
When I made my humble entrance.

BILL
Behind my back?

SALOME
And then you slipped it into that carton when you thought I wasn't looking.

BILL
I didn't... I was just...

SALOME
Is it a secret?

BILL
Sort of.

SALOME
Is it a present?

BILL
Yeah. No. I... (Not sure what to say.)

SALOME
For me?

BILL
For Miss Gladys.

SALOME
Never heard of her.

BILL
You know, the one who does the dusting.

SALOME
(Realizing) Just plain Gladys.

BILL
Yeah, her.

SALOME
Gladys isn't permitted presents.

BILL
She isn't?

SALOME
(Hinting) Seems a shame to waste a perfectly good present.

BILL
That's the breaks.

SALOME
I'm partial to presents.

BILL
Who isn't?

SALOME
(About to lose her patience) You have a superfluous gift on your hands, I haven't been the recipient of a gift in who knows how long?

BILL
Give it to you?

SALOME
It's a thought.

BILL
You wouldn't want it.

SALOME
How will I know unless I see it?

BILL
(Retrieving the tray) It's kinda dirty.

SALOME
It's all rusted red.

BILL
(Offering her the tray) I can clean it off.

SALOME
(Hands behind her back) Yuck.

BILL
Maybe a Brillo pad.

SALOME
I don't think I like it.

BILL
It's supposed to be the moon.

SALOME
(Recoiling in horror) Away from me with that. Get rid of it. Now. Dispose of it before it can cause even more damage.

BILL
(Holding the tray like a waiter) But it's only an old tray.

SALOME
Tray?!! You fool! You idiot!! You... you lunatic!!! (Trying to control herself) Will dinner be served from that?

BILL
(Laughing) No. (Less certain) No.

SALOME
(Sweetly) Then throw the... (About to say moon) ... "tray" away.

BILL
But --

SALOME
I, Salome, order it.

BILL
You --

SALOME
I lost my namelessness.

BILL hesitates, then throws the tray into the wings.

SALOME
The whole garden is improved.

BILL
It is?

SALOME
I like you.

BILL
You do?

SALOME
Are all Americans handsome?

BILL
Most.

SALOME
Which tribe are you?

BILL
Tribe? (Laughing) Oh... "tribe"... no, see --

SALOME
When did you say dinner would be?

BILL
I didn't.

SALOME
Are all Americans retarded?

BILL
I --

SALOME
You're not. You're wonderful.

BILL
(Confused) I --

SALOME
And you like me, don't you?

BILL
I'm not so sure.

SALOME
Are you trifling with me? Am I some toy for you to play with and then dispose of like you did with the... (Catching herself) ... like Uncle Herod did with poor Mamma?

BILL
I guess I like you.

SALOME
You "guess"?

BILL
You shouldn't be here.

SALOME
Says who?

BILL
Any minute now it all starts to thicken.

SALOME
The plot?

BILL
You said it, sister.

SALOME
What's the denouement?

BILL
Say what?

SALOME
Who's the victim?

BILL
You.

SALOME
Me?

BILL
Afraid so.

SALOME
Whatever will I do?

BILL
Hide.

SALOME
Where?

BILL
(Indicating the wings) Over there... the scene dock --

SALOME
And miss dinner?

BILL
They're conspiring to commit...

SALOME
What?

BILL
(Having difficulty with the word) Love.

SALOME
In the vernacular?

BILL
Nah, here in the garden.

SALOME
And all the time I was under the impression it was only dinner with maybe a drink or two after.

BILL
We can escape.

SALOME
To America?

BILL
Mom'll love you.

SALOME
I intend to report you.

BILL
Report me?

SALOME
To Uncle Herod. For speaking to me.

BILL
You talked to me first.

SALOME
Prove it.

BILL
You like me.

SALOME
Fat chance.

BILL
But you said --

SALOME
I also intend to report your larceny.

BILL
Larceny?

SALOME
You attempted to pawn off on me a glass of burgled milk.

BILL
You're nuts.

SALOME
I also intend to report your vandalism. You deliberately destroyed property belonging to the house of Herod.

BILL
I did not.

SALOME
Willfully did you discard of a precious Mesopotamian tray, middle period, one of a matched pair.

BILL
You ordered it.

SALOME
Unlikely.

BILL
It wasn't precious.

SALOME
Irreplaceable.

BILL
It was all rusted red.

SALOME
Terra cotta.

BILL
I'll go find it.

SALOME
You have not been dismissed.

BILL
You didn't mean what you said.

SALOME
What did I say?

BILL
About --

SALOME
Liking you?

BILL
Yeah.

SALOME
Dare you say I didn't mean it. I like you. I like all footmen. And I am grateful you warned me. Although you were mistaken. Never was the victim meant to be me.

The lights fade as MISS SALOME exits through the French doors.

Next Page:   Act , Devotions   (page 10 of 14 pages)

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Table of Contents:   Now She Dances!

Doric Wilson was one of the first playwrights at New York City's legendary Caffé Cino and a pioneer of the Off-Off-Broadway movement, writing, directing, producing and designing over a hundred productions. He was a founding member of Circle Repertory Theater and the Barr/Wilder/Albee Playwright's Unit, a participant in all three nights of the Stonewall Riot, and was active in the early days of New York's gay liberation movement as a member of Gay Activist Alliance and as a "star" bartender and manager of the post-Stonewall gay bar scene, where he opened such landmark institutions as The Spike, TY's, and Brothers & Sisters Cabaret. His plays can also be read at www.doricwilson.com.

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