Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 8 • Winter 2003 • Featured Writer • Drama

Marla's Devotion

Linda Eisenstein

Scene 4

Scene 4

MARLA is sitting down, reading. It is late. She has her legs elevated on a little pillow.

JOEY comes in, muttering.

JOEY
(reacting to something offstage as she enters) Ay, shut up, already! (to MARLA) Tell me -- does the guy ever say one nice word to his dog? Or does he just scream at it all day long?

MARLA
How was court?

JOEY
Unbelievable. Horrible. Grotesque. Sociopathic maniacs loosed upon society. And that's my colleagues. The clients are merely pathetic.

MARLA
Hello kiss. (JOEY bends down for their little peck.) You're kind of late.

JOEY
Tell me about it. I could die right here. What's with the pillows? (squeezes one of MARLA's knees)

MARLA
OW!!

JOEY
Whoa, sorry.

MARLA
My legs are a little sore, that's all. Want some dinner?

JOEY
No, no, babe, don't get up, I'm not really hungry. (Nevertheless, JOEY sits down and MARLA gets up. JOEY begins to read the paper, not looking up until indicated.)

MARLA
Well, I had a pretty interesting day.

JOEY
Uh-huh. Where's the Metro section?

As MARLA begins to move around the apartment, getting food ready, she does her prostrations.

It's very hard for her to keep her mind on speaking, walking, prostrating, and putting together chips and salsa on a tray -- so there are many stops and starts, jerks and halts and doubling back.

JOEY mostly ad libs grunts and uh-huhs and sputters about things in the paper, but doesn't notice what MARLA is doing until indicated.

MARLA
I learned a lot about myself today. You wouldn't believe it, Joey. I don't ever think I've had a day like this. I never even left the house. It was unbelievably stimulating, just walking around -- well, kind of walking around -- just being in here. I mean, here in my head! My mind was just, zap, zoom, boom. Insights! God, such insights! And...shoot, where'd I put...oh, there's the salsa. And in the middle of all of this, this incredible gestalt, my mom called. And I didn't have even one panic attack, not one!

JOEY
Arlene? What'd she want?

MARLA
Who knows? She was beating around the bush, as usual. Something about tulip time, and a bus trip to Holland.

JOEY
How the hell can you take a bus to Holland? That's Arlene for you, all right.

MARLA
Holland, Michigan, it's a triple-A tour or something. But the point is, the point is! I just let her talk and I didn't freak out. I didn't have to analyze her every hidden motive. I couldn't actually, I was too busy trying to breathe and straighten my legs. It was amazing!

By now, MARLA has the tray of chips and salsa and is wending her way over to JOEY. But she can't figure out how to carry it and do prostrations at the same time, so she has to keep putting down the tray and picking it up.

JOEY
(finally looking) Marla -- what the hell are you doing?

MARLA
I'm bringing you your chips and salsa. With no help from you, thanks a heap.

JOEY
Not that -- Jeez, are you still...? Look at you.

MARLA
Have you been listening to me? This is what I've been telling you about. Doing my prostrations.

JOEY listens, incredulous.

MARLA
They're incredible. Amazing. Absolutely life-changing. My knees kind of need an icepack, though.

JOEY
Well, sit down, then, ya goofball.

MARLA
Thank you, I think I will.

She plops down.

JOEY
You've actually been doing this all day.

MARLA
Mm-hm.

JOEY
All day. And you didn't stop once.

MARLA
Unh-unh. Well, I forgot for a couple of minutes when the phone rang, and I started pacing around out of habit, but -- I went right back to it.

JOEY
(with some admiration, in spite of herself) That's amazing.

MARLA
Oh, and now and then I'd catch myself staring soulfully into the refrigerator. But even so, boom, right back.

JOEY
That is quite a feat of concentration. I mean, especially for you.

MARLA
It was pretty astounding, yeah.

JOEY
I don't quite know what to say. I don't think I've ever seen you actually focus on anything -- quite like that.

MARLA
I surprised myself, actually.

JOEY
Well, you have had quite a day.

MARLA
Yup.

JOEY
What...what actually prompted this?

MARLA
Well, it was partly the Tarot card reading.

JOEY
Oh. Naturally.

JOEY listens -- mixed amusement, fascination, dismay -- a very Lucy and Ricky moment -- then a sneaking realization.

MARLA
See, I did my cards again, and the Queen came up, the one with the pineapple wand, the one I can't stand because she means "go on a diet"? Well, there she was again, and the Prince of Disks too, the guy who stands for more exercise, and I get these 2 all the time, one or the other, and usually I hate them? But I got both, so this time I read the book more carefully, and I found out that the Pineapple Queen really means "taking in a diet of things that sustain you", and I realized it could mean thoughts, too, and the Prince with his chariot full of boulders really stood for "Building New Worlds" and removing obstacles in your life, not just ridiculous aerobics in ill-fitting leotards -- and all of a sudden -- I liked these cards! The pictures actually looked attractive and healthy and I thought of the new worlds I'd be building and it was an exercise, kind of, and all this breathing in and breathing out was kind of, you know, a new way to nourish myself. So I decided it was good for me and I'd keep doing it.

A long pause.

JOEY
(some relief) Is that what this is about? Your weight again? Marla, honey, how many times do I have to say it? I like the way you look. Really.

MARLA
It isn't that.

JOEY
Sure it is. You think I'm going to run off with some skinny butt girl, is that it?

MARLA
No-o. (She means maybe.) Although you were paying an awful lot of attention to that Pam person at the PRIDE rally.

JOEY
I was surprised to see her, that's all. She works for the Clerk of Courts! I was just...a little startled.

MARLA
Well, she was startling, all right, in those size 4 short-shorts and open-toed shoes, and hot pink nail polish on her toes, for crying out loud.

JOEY
I looked, okay. I admit I looked.

MARLA
She's tiny, and blonde, and cute.

JOEY
Yes she is. In a kind of trampy fluff-muffin sort of way, but honey, I mean, my God, she makes copies of documents. I love you, Marla.

MARLA
See, this is what I mean.

JOEY
I was just looking.

MARLA
(overlapping) My thoughts just fly around and around,

JOEY
(overlapping) And I have to be nice to her, or my motions will get lost in File Hell and never emerge.

MARLA
in all these grotesque ways and -- that's my point! That's why I have to do this. Clear my mind every two steps. Otherwise it's all chattering monkeys, I have no control of my ridiculous thoughts.

The following is tease, cuddle, and make up.

JOEY
Thank you.

MARLA
I admit they're ridiculous.

JOEY
Thank you.

MARLA
And you're not trying to make it with big hair Pam.

JOEY
Her toes are shaped funny, too, did you see? They're crooked. Who could want a woman with crooked toes?

MARLA
Really.

JOEY
I like your toes.

MARLA
Thank you.

JOEY
Although at the moment, they're dangling at the end of knees that look a little swollen, to tell the truth.

MARLA
Yup.

JOEY
Well, we'll just have to get you off your feet.

MARLA
Sounds nice.

JOEY
(beckoning toward their bedroom, O.S.) Step into my office.

MARLA
(a little kiss) Okay.

JOEY
C'mon. Time for some real exercise. (goes offstage)

MARLA begins to follow JOEY offstage, then remembers to stop herself after 2 steps -- does her prostration. Gets up -- prostrates -- etc. She tries to hurry.

MARLA
I'll be right there.

JOEY comes back out.

JOEY
What's taking...oh my God.

MARLA
I said I'll be right there.

JOEY
You're crawling. You're actually crawling?!

MARLA
No I'm not, it's only a couple of prostrations from here to the bedroom.

JOEY
This is unbelievable, stop it!

MARLA
I have to be consistent with my practice, I don't

JOEY
Your practice?

MARLA
I don't want to start making exceptions, not any, or pretty soon I won't do it at all.

JOEY
I thought this was an experiment!

MARLA
I know myself.

JOEY
Marla, I can't have you crawling into the...oh, man.

MARLA
Why not?

JOEY
It's...it's too damn kinky, that's why.

MARLA
Well, try to incorporate it into a turn-on.

JOEY
A turn-on? You look like a caterpillar inching up a leaf!!

MARLA
Well, I guess I'm just your little caterpillar then.

JOEY
(bolting over to the other side of the room) No, no, no -- this is totally not okay.

MARLA
Joey, don't move around so much. It just makes it harder for me to get there.

JOEY
I am totally not in the mood. I mean, call me old-fashioned. But I don't want to play those dominance-submission games, they freak me out, okay?

MARLA
That's not what this is.

JOEY
Okay, then. So stop.

MARLA
I can't, I told you...

JOEY
Oh, Jesus, this is a good one. This one is just a peach. "Dear Abby: I'm having a little problem with my sex life. My girlfriend insists on crawling on her hands and knees everywhere because the Pineapple Queen and the Prince of Exercise told her it was a good idea. What shall I do?"

MARLA
Okay,

JOEY
Marla, are you trying to drive me insane?

MARLA
No.

JOEY
What have I done to you, tell me what have I done. I know I don't pay enough attention to you, but Christ, baby, you know what my practice is like these days!

MARLA
Yes, I know.

JOEY
All day long, phones ringing, women crying their eyes out,

MARLA
Your practice.

JOEY
in and out of my office with busted teeth and broken ribs, it's one horror show after another.

MARLA
Well, this is my practice.

JOEY
When I come home all I want is a little peace. A little peace of mind. That's all I want.

MARLA
(starting to cry) That's all any of us wants, Joey. That's all I want. Peace of mind.

JOEY
Then why can't I have it, huh? Why can't I fucking have it?!?

JOEY storms out of the apartment. Door slams.

MARLA
I don't know. I don't know.

Crying, she tries to get control of her breathing, big breaths in and out -- then a breathing chant.

Ah-ah-ah-hummmm. Ah-ah-ah-hummmm. That's all anybody wants. Ah-ah-ah-hummmm. Peace of mind.

Lights dim on MARLA in the middle of the floor, breathing, centering.

Next Page:   Scene 5   (page 6 of 10 pages)

All Pages:   See the entire play on one page

Table of Contents:   Marla's Devotion

Linda Eisenstein's plays and musicals have had over 100 productions throughout the world. Her award-winning plays include Three the Hard Way, The Names of the Beast, Marla's Devotion, Discordia, Star Wares: The Next Generation, and Rehearsing Cyrano. Her plays and monologues have been published by Dramatic Publishing and appear in anthologies by Smith & Kraus, Heinemann, Penguin, and Vintage Books. Her poetry and fiction have appeared in Blithe House Quarterly, Kalliope, Whiskey Island, and Anything That Moves. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio.

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