Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 8 • Winter 2003 • Featured Writer • Drama

Marla's Devotion

Linda Eisenstein

Scene 8

Scene 8

Evening. MARLA is resting on the floor on a cushion, reading a book about meditation. Nevertheless she is a bit wired.

There is no clutter anywhere.

JOEY enters, with her briefcase.

MARLA
Hi honey!

JOEY
Hi babe.

MARLA
How was your day?

JOEY
Typical. And yours?

MARLA
Really great, actually. Hey -- notice anything?

JOEY
You mean, other than the fact that you're sitting on the floor, and not in a chair? No.

MARLA
Look harder.

JOEY
I'm actually afraid to, Marla.

MARLA
Don't be silly. (waves her hand around)

JOEY
You cleaned.

MARLA
Ta-da!

JOEY
You really cleaned. Again, I'm impressed. (looks offstage, where the kitchen would be) Jesus, look at the floor. You could eat off the floor. What am I saying, you probably do eat off the floor, oh, Christ, I don't want to think about it, it makes my head hurt.

She plops down in the chair.

MARLA
Poor baby. Hello kiss.

JOEY
Not yet. Okay, look, Marla. I thought about this all day.

MARLA
And?

JOEY
I really fought with myself on this, you know? I thought: You're just going to be encouraging her, but I can't let her crawl around hurting herself, so... (digs in her briefcase) I got you something.

MARLA
What?

JOEY
Just a second. (pulls out a package) A little something. For your new practice.

MARLA
What?

MARLA opens the bag.

MARLA
Oh, wow -- Kneepads!!

JOEY smiles, weakly.

MARLA
God, they're like, industrial strength. (puts them on)

JOEY
I found them in this yuppie sporting goods place. I think they're for in-line skaters or hockey players or something.

MARLA
God, they're GREAT! They're absolutely... (modeling them -- they are large and extremely prominent) Oh, God! You are so great! (prostrates her way over toward JOEY)

JOEY
It seemed the least I could do.

MARLA
Oh God, what a difference, I can hardly feel...Oh, thank you, Joey, thank you, thank you, thank you. (covering her with kisses)

JOEY
(a little bit embarrassed) Hey, settle down, it's not like the crown jewels or anything. Jeez.

MARLA
You are so understanding.

JOEY
No, I'm not. Don't misunderstand, okay? I still think it's stupid. Unbelievably stupid, actually. But I just don't want you hurting yourself, okay?

MARLA
It's sweet. You're terribly sweet.

JOEY
You know, Marla, sometimes the way you get excited and overgrateful for the least little thing I do? It's kind of pitiful.

MARLA
A person ought to be grateful when someone is nice to them.

JOEY
It just makes me feel like a heel. Like, "Oh, Joey, you're so great, thank you so much for not ignoring me or throwing me on the floor and stomping on me today. It really feels good when you stop, I really appreciate it, okay?" Jeez.

MARLA
And I really need them. I sure needed them today. Oh, I forgot to tell you. I got your suit from the cleaners.

JOEY
Great, thanks.

MARLA
The whole day was an adventure, that's for sure. But never mind me, how was your day?

JOEY
Just dandy. So, you want to go out to eat tonight?

MARLA
I thought we could order takeout. Given that the kitchen is actually clean. From the Thai place maybe.

JOEY
Good idea. (going to the phone, dialing) You want the usual?

MARLA
Anyway, one trip out in the world was kind of enough for one day.

JOEY
-- Yes, I'd like to place an order.

MARLA
But hey, now that I have kneepads, whew, look out, world!

JOEY
-- One pad thai special, extra peanuts, one red curry with coconut milk, medium hot.

MARLA
Hey, there's a lot of fat in that one. Coconut milk is like béarnaise sauce, only worse, really.

JOEY
No way!

MARLA
Look it up.

JOEY
Jeez, no wonder it tastes so good. (to the phone) -- Miller. Thanks. Ten minutes, thanks. (puts down the phone)

MARLA
Your name's not Miller.

JOEY
Yeah, I know. But it's easier to spell.

MARLA
Not for a Siamese person it isn't. Why not use Yee or something, then?

JOEY
Good point.

MARLA
(suddenly suspicious) That's a funny thing to do, "Miller," when did you start doing that?

JOEY
I don't know, I heard somebody do it, it seemed like a smart idea.

MARLA
Huh. You know... (silence)

JOEY
What?

MARLA
Nothing. Nothing. (breathes, deep)

JOEY
I should get going.

MARLA
It's not ready yet, for heaven's sakes.

JOEY
It takes nearly ten minutes to get there.

MARLA
Five minutes. It'd take me ten minutes, or fifteen or even twenty at this point, but for you it only takes five. Unless, of course, you're planning on doing something else, too.

MARLA prostrates herself, deep breathing. Trying not to get upset.

JOEY
What are you, some kind of time-and-motion expert, you're what, following me around with a stopwatch...?

MARLA
Some important phone call you can't actually make from the house,

JOEY
And what are you talking about, you're not...Jesus.

MARLA
Think about it, Joey. Think about what you're doing.

JOEY
What are you saying. You're not doing this shit outside, are you? This crawling shit? (pause)

MARLA
You wouldn't actually believe how few people even seem to notice me. They hardly turned their heads most of the time.

JOEY
You did this on the street?! Where other people can see you?!?

MARLA
I'm surprised, really. Not that I expected, you know, a lot of attention. Or approval. But that so few people would even notice? It's eerie, really. What do they think I'm doing down here, looking for a contact lens?

JOEY
My God, Marla!

MARLA
A couple of kids stopped and asked. They were both under age 10. After that, even the kids don't ask. I find it kind of sad.

JOEY
Somebody is going to see you doing that!

MARLA
I just told you, they don't, actually.

JOEY
Marla, it's, it's too weird, that's why! I mean, when you get too weird, you become this creepy kind of invisible. Of course people don't want to see you. They don't want to get involved.

MARLA
Maybe I should wrap a turban around my head. Then there'd at least be a context.

JOEY
Marla, you can't fucking do this! Somebody is going to see you.

MARLA
So what? I mean, what's the big deal, I'm just doing a prostration every now and then.

JOEY
What am I going to do when somebody from my firm sees you crawling down the sidewalk? Jesus Christ on a crutch!

MARLA
You know, this city. Our values. They're totally ridiculous. You tell me about all the horrible things that go on all day on the news, and in court, and you don't blink an eye. But let somebody do anything vaguely spiritual in public, and they're suddenly a pariah.

JOEY
It'll get around like wildfire.

MARLA
Now I could do this in Calcutta and people would respect me, even think I was holy.

JOEY
Every asshole attorney in this city will hear about it.

MARLA
You can get away with a lot in Calcutta that you can't here.

JOEY
I'll never hear the end of it.

MARLA
There may be more poverty there, sure, but you can crawl all you want and people will respect you. You don't have to worry about what they might say to your girlfriend at a cocktail party, that's for sure.

JOEY
Oh, hey, hey! You don't have to go to Calcutta. Hell, why not just go on TV? That'll get you noticed, all right. Give Sally Jessie a call, maybe she'd put you on. "And now, Lesbians With Insane and Dysfunctional Devotional Practices." You'll get your 15 minutes of fame, all right, Marla.

MARLA
I don't want that kind of recognition. All anyone does on those shows is exchange freakish stories.

JOEY
Why not? You're determined to ruin my life anyway, so why not just, you know, go for the main chance?

MARLA
Why does this always turn out to be about you, Joey? I hate to tell you, but you are not the center of the universe.

JOEY
I can't fucking take this.

MARLA
You are not in my mind every waking moment of my day. My every action is not about how it reflects on you. And my mood will not be based on how your every action reflects on me. We are separate people. You've made that abundantly clear lately.

JOEY
I knew it. I knew it. Somewhere in here, it'd get around to me. Something I've supposedly done.

MARLA
We have to be in control of our own lives and what's in our own minds.

JOEY
Somehow this is all going to be my fault. I don't know how, but it will be, I can hear it coming.

MARLA
And so I think you should go out and do whatever you were going to do,

JOEY
Do? Do WHAT?!?

MARLA
and when you get done doing it, try to pick up the takeout before it gets too cold.

JOEY
It's already too cold! It's probably all gummy by now, for crying out loud.

MARLA
And I will simply do what I have to.

They glare at each other for a beat. Then JOEY storms out. Big door slam.

A beat.

MARLA
Well. That was pleasant. That was really mature, Marla. You're really doing yourself proud. That was about as mindful as a Sarajevo strafing run. Shit shit shit shit shit. (no tears, though) Back to the drawing board. (a prostration) Oh, man, these kneepads. These really are ace.

Lights dim on MARLA.

Next Page:   Scene 9   (page 10 of 10 pages)

All Pages:   See the entire play on one page

Table of Contents:   Marla's Devotion

Linda Eisenstein's plays and musicals have had over 100 productions throughout the world. Her award-winning plays include Three the Hard Way, The Names of the Beast, Marla's Devotion, Discordia, Star Wares: The Next Generation, and Rehearsing Cyrano. Her plays and monologues have been published by Dramatic Publishing and appear in anthologies by Smith & Kraus, Heinemann, Penguin, and Vintage Books. Her poetry and fiction have appeared in Blithe House Quarterly, Kalliope, Whiskey Island, and Anything That Moves. She lives in Cleveland, Ohio.

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