Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 11 • Fall 2004 • Featured Writer • Drama

Girls in Boys' Pants

Kato McNickle

Scene 1

Scene 1

(An overture. Of sorts. the CHORUS.)

(One of the men from the CHORUS parades on a fashion runway, not speaking. Showing off the details of his pants.)

CHORUS (One man and two women, into a microphone.)

100% cotton

Relaxed fit

Sits at the natural waist

Roomy seat and thighs

Fuller leg with slight taper at the ankle

Hidden credit card pocket

Contrasting inside waist band

Twill tape hanger loop for easy hanging

All seams are double-stitched for strength

Machine wash

Imported

(Darkness. An open space that will be many things. Right now it's a college art studio. After dark.)

(The four members of the CHORUS are present. They will become the creation. They breathe as one, slowly, carefully, their mouths gaping. Anticipation. In. Out.

In.


Out.




In.


They hold their breath and become still as the light reveals SOPHIA, who stands in front of them, looking forward. At the canvas. She holds a palette and several brushes. She wears a tank-top sans bra and men's khaki trousers cinched at the waist with a wide leather belt. She speaks matter-of-factly.)

SOPHIA
Art.

CHORUS
Art.

CHORUS
Artsy.

CHORUS
Artist.

CHORUS
Art.

SOPHIA
Making art.

(SOPHIA dabs paint onto a brush.)

CHORUS
Artisan.

CHORUS
Artsy-fartsy.

CHORUS
Artist.

CHORUS
Art.

SOPHIA
At its best--

(She makes a broad stroke with the brush. Individuals in the CHORUS stretch and shape with each corresponding stroke.)

CHORUS
Leonardo.

CHORUS
Michelangelo.

CHORUS
Picasso.

CHORUS
O'Keefe.

(stroke)

SOPHIA
flows from the hands

(stroke)

CHORUS
Rubens.

CHORUS
Raphael.

CHORUS
Renoir.

CHORUS
rar-rar-ren-rer-ro- O'Keefe.

(stroke . stroke)

SOPHIA
without going thru the brain. without distillation thru active thought.

(stroke)

CHORUS
Manet.

(stroke)

CHORUS
Monet.

(stroke)

CHORUS
Delacroix.

(stroke . stroke . stroke stroke stroke)

CHORUS (speaking with the above noted strokes)
oh - oh - o o O'Keefe?

(stroke)

(SOPHIA continues to paint, the chorus becoming the painting. DANNI appears. Her hair is cropped short, she wears khaki pants, a tucked-in button-down-shirt and a wide necktie, looking more like a journalist a la 1940 than the present day. She lights a cigarette as the light finds her.)

DANNI
Artists. Art. Artistes. Artsy-fartsy. If you ask me. Never much understood art. Fine art. Just not something I understand. Oh. Commercial Art. I understand that. But Fine Art? I took a class. Art Appreciation. Ever had to write a paper about a woman artist? A non-twentieth-century woman artist? If you ever have, then you know the one. There's one everybody writes about. Just one. And she's an amazing story. Know who I mean? If you know art, then you know who I mean.

CHORUS
Artemisia.

DANNI & CHORUS
Artemisia Gentileschi.

DANNI
That's her. Her father was an artist, so that helped. A follower of Caravaggio. That helped too. She was the first woman to ever be admitted to the Art School in Florence. She is most famous for having been raped by one of her teachers and later painting her master-work Judith and the Head of Holofernes, which depicted the death of a man who looked very much like her old art teacher. Now there's some art that means something. If you ask me.

(The light becomes inclusive.)

So what is this?

SOPHIA
Are you smoking? You can't smoke--

DANNI
I know -- it's bad for me.

SOPHIA
It's bad for the paintings. You can't smoke in here at all.

DANNI
Oh. Right. Public building.

(DANNI snuffs out the cigarette against the sole of her shoe and places it back in the pack.)

They're expensive.

SOPHIA
It's against the law.

DANNI
And expensive.

SOPHIA
These materials are flammable. Why are you here?

(DANNI takes out a small tape recorder, clicking it on.)

DANNI
Interview. For a story. About art on campus. The content of art. So what is this?

SOPHIA
It's my work.

DANNI
It's big.

SOPHIA
It isn't finished.

DANNI
But what's it going -- what's the plan? Is there a plan?

SOPHIA
A general framework.

DANNI
A framework?

SOPHIA
I don't like to set limits. On my work. Predisposed limitations. The medium is limit enough.

DANNI
Huh.

SOPHIA
Color and two-dimensional canvas. That's already limiting.

DANNI
If it's limiting you, then why not do something else?

SOPHIA
Who are you?

DANNI
I'm from the paper.

SOPHIA
But who are you?

DANNI
Danni Buzz. From the "Danni Buzz Column." Read it?

SOPHIA
That can't be your real name.

DANNI
It's short. For "Danielle."

SOPHIA
Uh-huh.

DANNI
Naw, really.

SOPHIA
I'm busy. I have to do this.

DANNI
And you are...?

SOPHIA
Busy.

DANNI
Name?

SOPHIA
Why?

DANNI
The article.

SOPHIA
Sophia.

DANNI
And...?

SOPHIA
Just put "Sophia."

DANNI
Very. Artsy.

SOPHIA
What?

DANNI
Your art--

SOPHIA
I'm working--

DANNI
I mean, what is it?

SOPHIA
It's beautiful. I create beauty.

DANNI
Uh-huh.

SOPHIA
Look. It isn't finished.

DANNI
What about content? What's your art about?

SOPHIA
It's about -- me, I guess.

DANNI
Are you that interesting?

SOPHIA
Why are you here?

DANNI
The article.

SOPHIA
I'm learning. I'm a student.

DANNI
Art major?

SOPHIA
Of course.

DANNI
Year?

SOPHIA
Fourth.

DANNI
You cold?

SOPHIA
What?

DANNI
You look -- cold.

(DANNI grins, just a little. SOPHIA realizes that she is wearing only an undershirt and grabs up an overshirt and puts it on as she speaks.)

SOPHIA
Working keeps me warm.

DANNI
Let me ask you more about your art.

SOPHIA
I have to finish.

DANNI
I find it fascinating. It's for the article. Here. I'll buy you something warm. Coffee?

SOPHIA
Coffee?

DANNI
Talk over coffee? Down the road? Take forty minutes? Make you famous.

SOPHIA
Forty minutes.

(SOPHIA and DANNI sit at a cafe table, the tape recorder between them. The CHORUS reads aloud from a newspaper, alternating lines of speech, occasionally speaking together.)

(SOPHIA goes to the CHORUS, looking at her art, not quite touching its surface.)

(DANNI clicks off the tape recorder. SOPHIA takes the paper and looks at the story. DANNI is served a coffee by one of the CHORUS. The rest of the CHORUS gets coffee too, one of them plays guitar. SOPHIA storms past the coffee shop, sees DANNI and moves in, shaking the newspaper. Occasionally, but not too often, the guitar might act as a voice commenting on some of the spoken moments during the following dialogue.)

SOPHIA
What -- what -- what -- ?!

DANNI
You read the article?

SOPHIA
It's -- it's -- it's --!

DANNI
Wanna coffee?

SOPHIA
No -- no -- no.

DANNI
I'll buy--

SOPHIA
What makes you think -- what gives you the right -- why are you doing this to me? Why did you do this?

DANNI
I wrote what I saw.

SOPHIA
You totally misrepresented everything I said to you. Everything I said--

DANNI
Were you misquoted?

SOPHIA
Context.

DANNI
Context?

SOPHIA
You made me sound -- I made it sound -- you twisted everything!

DANNI
I didn't change the context. That's what you said. You said--

SOPHIA
But you twisted it. You twisted in -- those points. Those other things. Your points! You made me sound--

DANNI
Trivial.

SOPHIA
Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Trivial. My art is not trivial.

DANNI
It's not?

SOPHIA
No. It means something.

DANNI
What?

SOPHIA
What?

DANNI
What does it mean?

SOPHIA
It means -- it means -- it's -- me. It's me.

DANNI
Yeah. Well. That's my point. That's trivial.

SOPHIA
A human being is trivial?

DANNI
Context. Why don't you sit. Have a coffee.

SOPHIA
I'm not -- I wouldn't -- I'm not going to sit with you.

DANNI
Suit yourself.

SOPHIA
Maybe I'll -- maybe I'll -- write a letter -- to the editor. Or something.

DANNI
Make a statement. Take a stand. Cool. You like martinis?

SOPHIA
I don't know -- what?

DANNI
I like martinis and was thinking. I know this place and we could--

SOPHIA
I'm not talking to you.

DANNI
Well. You. Are.

SOPHIA
Stop talking.

DANNI
You could leave--

SOPHIA
Stop talking.

(DANNI sips her coffee. SOPHIA doesn't move. DANNI finishes her coffee and leaves. SOPHIA watches her go. DANNI doesn't. She doesn't even wave. Just leaves. Purposefully not watching. The table is removed. The guitar is put away. A member of the chorus shakes a can of spray paint and faux paints something on the ground.

SOPHIA looks at the ground ahead of her, shocked, as do several members of the CHORUS. A chorus member takes pictures of the ground and of SOPHIA. She blinks at him. DANNI approaches from behind. She looks at the ground and then to SOPHIA. SOPHIA is startled when she speaks.)

DANNI
So you're Sophia. The "Sophia" I mean. Sophia of the Sidewalk.

CHORUS
Sophia. U. R. Hot-ta-taaa.

DANNI
"Sssoooooopppphhhhhiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaa--" It's big. See? You're famous. And you have a potential stalker or umm admirer.

(The camera clicks again. SOPHIA pushes the camera away. The crowd moves on. The camera guy leaves.)

SOPHIA
I don't need this.

(DANNI writes in a spiral bound pad.)

DANNI
Not much of a poet, though. "Sophia U R hot" I do like the letter "U" instead of the word "you" and just the "R" for the whole unnecessary clutter of the overused verbage "are." Cuts right to the chase. You have a boyfriend?

SOPHIA
I do not know who did this. And what are you -- what are you -- why are you here?

DANNI
Danni Buzz. I work for the paper and you are today's news, baby.

SOPHIA
Haven't you done enough to me already?

(DANNI gets close to the ground. Touches the letters.)

DANNI
So what's the -- what is the term? -- medium. Yeah. That's it. Medium. Seems to be "spray paint."

(DANNI stands back up.)

A regular Picasso this stalker slash admirer of yours. Do you have a boyfriend? Seeing anyone?

SOPHIA
Are you putting that in the paper too?

DANNI
Maybe he's got a rival. Maybe he'd know something.

SOPHIA
Why do you want to ruin my life? What did I ever do to you?

DANNI
Background for the story. I'd wanna get him . for a comment . for the story. It's thorough journalism. My job. I'm a reporter. An observer of facts. You have a boyfriend?

SOPHIA
You ever wear a dress?

DANNI
That's not part of the story. You have a boyfriend? That is.

SOPHIA
No.

(DANNI writes it down. Looks at SOPHIA.)

DANNI
"No." And. No. The dress. You drink martinis? I'll buy.

SOPHIA
I've never. I don't. Know.

DANNI
Is that "no" -- N -- O -- or "know" -- you don't know -- you know, with a K, if you like them?

SOPHIA
I don't. Know.

(DANNI tries to decide. Whatever. Tears off a leaf of paper from the pad.)

DANNI
Here. That's the place. That's the time. Be there. I'll be there. So if it's "no" -- N -- O, then, I'll see you around maybe sometime around campus or something maybe at a football game or something sometime or alumni reunion or something like that ten years from now or so. But if it's "know" -- not knowing but wanna try... then I'll see you there. Tonight. At eight. O'clock. 'kay?

SOPHIA
Why are you doing this to me?

DANNI
What am I doing to you?

SOPHIA
Nothing. I guess.

DANNI
I'm doing my job.

SOPHIA
Your job?

DANNI
I. Want to learn your content. For. Context. The story.

SOPHIA
Oh. That's your job.

DANNI
We can discuss. We'll talk about. Ever hear of Artemisia Gentileschi?

SOPHIA
Oh! I. Wrote. A paper about her. For--

SOPHIA / DANNI / CHORUS
Art Appreciation.

DANNI
Art. Appreciation.

CHORUS
Art. Appreciation.

SOPHIA
Yeah. Art. Appreciation. It was a pre-major requirement.

Scene 2

Scene 2

(DANNI and SOPHIA leave. then. a reprise. of sorts. The CHORUS storms in carried on a wave of crazy jazz sound. One male CHORUS parades on a fashion runway. The two women are stand-up comics, sharing a microphone.)

(The men laugh, sit on stools to watch the rest of the act.)

(The men howl. The women go to them. One sits with them, the other takes their order. A jazz quintet plays. The microphones are left in their stands, one to each side of the playing area. DANNI sidles up to a microphone. Sighs into. Looks around furtively. SOPHIA tentatively approaches the other microphone, nervous. She wears "a little black dress." DANNI sees her and clears her throat. They both speak softly into the microphones, looking and facing forward as though the other were directly across. Everyone in the bar can only speak thru a microphone, up close, quietly, being mightily amplified.)

DANNI
You . Wow . You're . Here . And . You . Wow . Changed.

SOPHIA
We were going out, so I thought.

DANNI
Wow. I'm. Glad.

SOPHIA
Do you always wear a tie?

DANNI
Not always. Sometimes I sleep. Or shower.

SOPHIA
Ahhh.

DANNI
It's vintage.

SOPHIA
Vintage?

DANNI
Old.

SOPHIA
I know -- I know what "vintage" means.

DANNI
Yeah . Oh . Sorry . I'm. Wrong foot.

(Their drinks are served. To the WAITRESS.)

Thanks.

(The WAITRESS pushes her way to speak into DANNI'S mic. It's rather awkward for everyone, but them's the rules.)

WAITRESS
Anything else?

(DANNI pushes in.)

DANNI
No. Thanks.

(WAITRESS pushes to the mic, slightly flirty.)

WAITRESS
You let me know.

(DANNI pays. Tips. Well.)

SOPHIA
Thanks.

DANNI
Yep.

(SOPHIA sips her drink.)

You like it?

SOPHIA
It's. Mmm. Sharp.

DANNI
Martinis take time. And skill.

SOPHIA
What's in them?

DANNI
I like martinis insteada one-a those sweet ruby-red drinks.

SOPHIA
So what is a martini?

DANNI
Sophistication. Content.

SOPHIA
What's in them?

(A MAN from the CHORUS pushes his head in to speak into SOPHIA'S mic. Again. Awkward. SOPHIA is surprised. Yields.)

MAN
Two and a half ounces gin, one tablespoon dry vermouth, mix with cracked ice in a mixing glass, then strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a stuffed olive or a twist of lemon peel. I couldn't help hearing -- hope you don't mind -- pardon me --

(to SOPHIA)

Can I buy you a drink?

(SOPHIA can't get back to the mic, therefore, she's mute.)

DANNI
We're all set.

(The MAN signals the WAITRESS.)

MAN
Wanna dance?

DANNI
We're talking.

MAN (to SOPHIA)
What's your name?

DANNI
We're trying to talk.

(SOPHIA can't get to the mic. She whispers to the man, inaudible.)

MAN
That's a beautiful name. Unusual.

DANNI
Beautiful. Let me tell you about beautiful. America the Beautiful, right? America the Beautiful. Yeah. She's the girl everyone talks about dreams about goes ga-ga for. She's the girl everyone wants to take to the prom, the American wet dream. But here's the thing. You take her to the prom, you dream about her in youth, but then you get older, and you start seeing, you start realizing, "Hey, this broad is high maintenance. She's a whole lotta work." So you start looking around. Your eye wanders, and who do you find? Who do you settle for and move in with, get a mortgage and a two car garage? Convenience. That's right. Convenience becomes the beauty. Ease and comfort and who cares about style. America the Convenient. paved . easy . strip mall . internet. That's the girl we marry.

MAN
Let's dance. You dance?

(SOPHIA can't answer, so, unable to do anything else, she goes with the MAN. DANNI lights a cigarette. The MAN takes SOPHIA to the dance floor. They dance. A martini arrives. The WAITRESS pushes to DANNI'S mic.)

WAITRESS
It's on him.

(She indicates a man seated at the bar. He waves. Eerily, he is dressed like DANNI. DANNI nods, grins, thumbs up, turns forward frowning, downing the martini as she speaks. The WAITRESS goes to the other microphone.)

DANNI
I dreamed it was nineteen-forty-four in France and I was a war correspondent reporting on the progress of the Allied invasion.

(The WAITRESS speaks low into the mic while DANNI tells her story into her microphone.)

(The jazz music stops. The WAITRESS sings a French cabaret song. DANNI continues; the role of DANNI will be played by the other man from the bar. The one who sent over the drinks. He wears the same shirt and tie as DANNI. The actors simply act. They do not pretend to talk.)

(DANNI sits on the floor. Sulks. A woman CHORUS member stands near the back. She sings ardently . skillfully . beautifully . to the universe.)

WOMAN SINGING (a cappella)
WHAT IF I COULD
SWALLOW THE OCEAN
WHAT IF I COULD
WALK THRU A FIRE
WHAT IF I COULD
FLY IN THE MOONLIGHT
WOULD I BE DESIRED?
WHAT IF I COULD
BUST DOWN A MOUNTAIN
WHAT IF I COULD
SEE THRU YOUR HEART
WOULD IT MAKE ME
JUST A LITTLE WISER
COULD THAT BE A START?

(DANNI loosens her tie. The other CHORUS members enter. Breathing. A college courtyard, late at night.

The CHORUS become the structures: a WALL, a DOOR, the CORNER of the building and a BENCH in front of the wall. They breathe as one, slowly, carefully, their mouths gaping. In. Out.

In.

Out.


In.)

WALL
Silence.

DOOR
Silence.

CORNER
Silence.

BENCH
Silence.

CHORUS (as a unit)
Silence is the voice of complicity.

(SOPHIA enters. Dressed for art-making. Looks a long time at DANNI. DANNI takes a piece of chalk out of her pocket. At last. SOPHIA speaks.)

SOPHIA
I. Brought chalk. Like you said.

DANNI
You're here.

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
I didn't think you'd.

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
I mean. I didn't think.

SOPHIA
Yeah. Well. Chalk?

DANNI (getting up)
Yeah! Chalk! Our mighty chalk!

(DANNI scrawls words across the WALL. The sound of chalk on a hard surface squeaks along with her hand-strokes.)

DANNI
Parents are gonna freak, huh?

SOPHIA
What should I do?

DANNI
I didn't think you'd ... it seemed like ... after ... why'd you ... why'd you come?

SOPHIA
What should I do?

DANNI
Do what you feel. Make a statement. You're artistic. Think of something.

SOPHIA
You hate my art. Remember?

DANNI
I don't hate your art.

SOPHIA
You said . what you wrote . when you wrote--

DANNI
Not cuz I hate it.

SOPHIA
Then why did you say--?

DANNI
Do something now. While I write . Draw . Or something. Just remember. Content. Okay? You with me?

SOPHIA
Content. I'm with you.

(SOPHIA settles on the sidewalk. She spreads several large pieces of colored chalk near her. She begins to draw a large shape. DANNI scrawls on the door.)

DANNI
The deans -- the president. Totally freak.

SOPHIA (drawing. absorbed.)
Yeah. Freak.

DANNI
I wonder how many times these walls have been marked up? Parents' Day happens every year, right? Always got lots a people got lots to say...

(DANNI moves to the corner and scrawls.)

CHORUS
We are not amused.

DANNI
"We are not amused." That's a good one. That's a good one, all right. What'dyou got?

(DANNI looks at SOPHIA'S work.)

What do you got?

SOPHIA
It's not finished. It's -- it'll be -- a flower.

DANNI
But what'sits say?

SOPHIA
"Flower"?

DANNI
Is that a joke? Are you joking?

SOPHIA
Not a joke.

DANNI
But you're joking, right?

SOPHIA
It's a flower.

DANNI
I can -- yeah. It's a flower. But what's it mean? What'sit say?

SOPHIA
It says -- "flower." I made it for you.

DANNI
This is political. We're making a statement. Come on! what kinda statement does "flower" make?

SOPHIA
It's Parents' Day. I thought it'd be nice.

DANNI
We're not trying to be nice. It's not supposed to be nice. It's supposed to be a wake-up call! It's supposed to make 'em think! It's supposed to mean something!

SOPHIA
It means something to me. A hopeful sentiment.

DANNI
It's not supposed to be some pretty sentiment.

SOPHIA
Maybe I like my parents.

DANNI
Here. Look. Watch me.

(DANNI goes to the bench and grinds the words into the surface with a vengeance.)

See?

(SOPHIA looks.)

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
It says something.

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
"Nuke a Gay Whale for Christ." That says something.

SOPHIA
Yeah.

DANNI
So what's yours gonna say?

SOPHIA
Nothing. It's a real quiet flower.

DANNI
It's stupid. A flower is stupid. Worse than stupid. And I'm outta chalk. Gimme sa'more chalk.

SOPHIA
You should have brought more then.

DANNI
Not for more stupid flowers.

SOPHIA
Yeah, for more stupid flowers.

DANNI
I'm doing all the work here. Give me the chalk.

SOPHIA
You go get more.

DANNI
Now! While no one's around!

SOPHIA
I'm making flowers. Beautiful, truthful, flowers. For Parents' Day. That's my statement. My gift to the school. Art. Artistic. Something beautiful. People will be sad when they wash away. They'll be missed -- not like yours. People will be glad when they're gone. The only thing they'll make people think is "what kinda psycho goes to this school anyway?"

DANNI
Give me the chalk -- I'm done asking nice.

SOPHIA
Look at your "message"! You're all over the place! It reads like the back of an '84 Pinto!

(DANNI moves in fast for the chalk. They grapple for possession of the chalk as the chorus speaks.)

(The grappling has become a brawl, and DANNI hurts SOPHIA. Everything stops. Silence. DANNI steps back. SOPHIA takes the chalk and smashes it into dust by any means possible, under foot, by breaking it into bits, by throwing -- all except one piece. The CHORUS wheels in a chalkboard and places it where the WALL had been. SOPHIA takes the piece and writes boldly on the board.)

(SOPHIA writes.)

"-- I am --
-- my --
a r t"

(She puts the chalk in DANNI'S hand. )

(SOPHIA leaves. DANNI stands. Silence.)

CHORUS
Silence.

CHORUS
Silence.

CHORUS
Silence.

CHORUS
Silence.

CHORUS (as a unit, whispered)
Silence.

(DANNI goes to the board and writes the letters "h" and "e" changing "art" to "heart.")

(DANNI goes to the flower and touches it, lies on the ground beside it . on her side . slightly curved . a half moon . with her feet tucked behind.

The chorus breathes.

In.

Out.


In.


Daybreak the CHORUS heralds the sunrise, a complex supple sound. DANNI does not move. The board is pushed away.

A woman from the CHORUS goes to DANNI, takes the piece of chalk, begins to draw a chalk outline around DANNI.)

WOMAN (drawing)
The only regret
I will have in dying
is if it is not for love.
-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

(The woman remains, kneeling beside DANNI as a man from the CHORUS approaches, also kneels, takes the chalk, and continues the outline as he speaks.)

MAN (drawing)
There are
worse occupations in this world
than feeling a woman's pulse
-- Laurence Sterne

(The chalk is passed to the next CHORUS member, who continues the outline, kneeling.)

CHORUS (drawing)
When my desire grows to fierce
I wear my bed clothes
inside out.
-- Ono No Najera

(The chalk is passed to the fourth CHORUS member, concluding the drawing.)

CHORUS (drawing)
Love probably doesn't exist. It is not a thing, but a landscape,
consisting of a series of objects unconnected to each other,
but seen as a whole.
-- Viktor Shklovsky

(The CHORUS is now all kneeling around DANNI. They look at one another. Speak to one another. And. React. Respond. Flattered. Or. Impressed. Or. Moved. At some point, they gently remove DANNI'S shoes and socks.)

CHORUS
I came upon no wine so wonderful as thirst.
-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

CHORUS
You're beautiful. Like a May fly.
-- Ernest Hemingway

CHORUS
Being kissed on the back of the knee is a moth at the window screen.
-- Ann Sexton

CHORUS
I teach my sighs to lengthen into songs.
-- Theodore Roethke

CHORUS
It is for love that I live all alone. Because the lovers I imagine are safer than the ones I have known.
-- Anonymous

CHORUS
If you wish to drown, do not torture yourself with shallow water.
-- Bulgarian proverb

CHORUS
Passion is sweeter split strand by strand. Divided and re-divided like mercury then gathered up only at the last moment.
-- Jeanette Winterson

CHORUS
Love is made by two people, in different kinds of solitude.
-- Louis Aragon

CHORUS
Love's a fire. But whether it's going to warm your heart or burn your house down, you can never tell.
-- Joan Crawford

CHORUS
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.
-- Plato

(Each CHORUS member moves away as he or she speaks. SOPHIA enters.)

CHORUS
Sophia enters.

CHORUS
Sophia returns.

CHORUS
Sophia sees Danni.

CHORUS
Sophia isn't sure about anything at all.

CHORUS
Oh, she's sure.

CHORUS
She's not.

CHORUS
Shhhhh. She's trying to say something.

CHORUS
She is?

CHORUS
What?

CHORUS
Shhh!

SOPHIA
Danni?

Danni?

Danielle?

DANNI
Oooooooooohhhhhh... I hate that. Don't call me that.

SOPHIA
I had to see you.

DANNI
Go away.

SOPHIA
I. Want to show you something. Prove something.

DANNI
Don't look at me, okay? Don't even look at me.

SOPHIA
Sit up.

DANNI
No.

SOPHIA
Just sit up. Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?

DANNI
I'm going to die.

SOPHIA
Sit up.

DANNI
No.

(SOPHIA sits next to DANNI.)

SOPHIA
I want to prove something. To you. About me. My point. The other night. I was trying. With the flower. To make a point. Well. To piss you off. It was supposed to piss you off and yeah so it did and you pissed me off and I've been pissed off for a few days now but the thing is the thing is. I can't stop thinking about you, see? So there it is. I can't and, are you all right?

DANNI
My feet are freezing.

SOPHIA
Where are your shoes?

DANNI
I. I. I. Took them off. Or someone stole them. Someone's walking around sweating in my shoes. It doesn't matter. Anyway. Your point?

SOPHIA
My point?

DANNI
You said you had a point?

SOPHIA
I'm sorry your feet are cold.

DANNI
That's your point?

SOPHIA
My point? No. Would you like my shoes?

DANNI
Your point?

SOPHIA
My point. First. First. Let me say. Let me tell you. Let me say. I'll tell you. I. Last night. I had. This. I had a dream. I had a dream about us. It was about us and the thing is, see? We were forty. Forty years old, the two of us. I had a dream that we were forty years old and we lived somewhere I guess I guess it was somewhere it must've been somewhere, except I'm not sure where, but that doesn't matter. There wasn't any ocean. It was just land with hills and grass and trees, and there were mountains over that way, when we looked west or north I think, but anyway. There were horses. We had a barn with our horses and I would get up mornings and feed them. And we had a kitchen and it smelled like apples. Isn't that funny to smell in a dream? But I could smell them. Apples. And we were forty. A whole lifetime away.

DANNI
Is that your point?

SOPHIA
No. No. No. That's not my point, that was just a dream I had, that's all. I just wanted to tell you it. But my point. My point. This. This is my point.

(SOPHIA unfolds her little black dress.)

I want. I would like. I want you. To wear this. To put this on. I want. To see it on you. To see if it fits to see how it fits to see if this is ever going to work and then...

CHORUS
Then...?

DANNI
Then...?

SOPHIA
Then. Let me. Draw you. I want to draw you. In it. See? I've never drawn a person before, people. Still-lifes and abstracts and gardens and flowers. But no people. And I and I think maybe, it's time to try. Even though I won't be good at it, but I want it to be you. You Danni. Will you? Will you? For me?

DANNI
I don't wear dresses. I don't wanna wear a dress. It doesn't hang right. I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like a fool and I can't just wear one like that. I wear men's pants. Cuz they suit me. I like the pockets. 100% cotton . relaxed fit . sits at the natural waist . roomy seat and thighs . fuller leg with slight taper at the ankle . hidden credit card pocket . contrasting inside waist band . twill tape hanger loop for easy hanging . all seams are double stitched for strength . machine wash . imported. But a dress? It isn't me.

SOPHIA
No. It isn't you. It's a dress. And that. That isn't you either. It's a shirt. And your tie? I love your tie, Danni, your vintage tie, but even that isn't you and those pants aren't your legs either. What I want to draw what I need to see. Is content, Danni. I want to know your content. I want to see it in this context. And I want to draw it, I need to draw it, so I can understand every line. And then. We'll see. We'll go . slow.

Lie down.

DANNI
Lie down?

SOPHIA
Over here. On your back. See? I'm always afraid of getting lost. Going someplace new and just getting lost. So I always bring a map. That's what we need. Right now. That's what we'll do. A map. So. Lie down, Danni. I'll have to get close to the bone.

(Exotic, Eastern, organic music, chimes, woodwinds, lyre. DANNI removes her tie. Gives it to SOPHIA. She then unbuttons her shirt. Removes it. A tank-top underneath, looking very much like SOPHIA did that first time. DANNI rolls her pant legs up too, while SOPHIA folds her discarded clothing. DANNI lies down, surrendering control. SOPHIA positions DANNI'S hands and legs, just so, on the ground, spread from one another . even her fingers. SOPHIA takes up the chalk and draws a careful outline of DANNI'S body on the ground while she speaks.)

Where have I never been?
a coal mine
a salt mine
in medieval France
in modern France
or Greece or Italy or Russia
I have never been to the moon
or Mexico

CHORUS
I have never ridden a Greyhound Bus
I have never been to a pro boxing match
or boxed in a pro ring
I have never fought a duel
or been in a brawl
looted a store
never been to Mardi Gras
never been to an opera
never been to jail

DANNI
never been dead
been close though
never been to a rodeo
never seen the Alamo
never seen a volcano
went once to Ohio
but not Cincinnati

CHORUS
never been in a courtroom
or been to a race track
or a rocket launch
or a fencing match
never seen Mount Rushmore
or all five Oscar Best Picture Nominees

SOPHIA
never been to China or Tibet
although Tibet is sometimes in my dreams

CHORUS
never been to Cairo
or with Jane Goodall
studying chimpanzees in Gombe
never worked in a sweatshop
never worked in an office building
never been on a submarine
never been inside someone else's brain
or in their blood

SOPHIA & DANNI & CHORUS (hushed)
I've never heard another person's thoughts.

(The map is complete. SOPHIA helps DANNI to her feet. They look at each other. A long time. Slowly. Kiss.)

DANNI
Sophia.

SOPHIA
Mmm-hm.

DANNI
Dance with me.

(They prepare to dance, as does the CHORUS, taking partners. ALL breathe, clasping hands. In. Out. In. about to begin . then . dark . music continues . maybe voices . simple . supple . beautiful)

END OF PLAY

Table of Contents:   Girls in Boys' Pants

Kato McNickle is a playwright, artist, and director. Her plays have won numerous awards, including a Spirit of Broadway Award and the 2003 Robert Lehan Playwriting Award. She is a 2003 Ensemble Studio Theatre New Voices Fellow. Her short play "Bull!" will be presented in The Beast Festival in NYC October 2004, and a monologue from To Die For Want Of Lobster will be included in an upcoming collection of best monologues from Smith and Kraus. Visit her on the Web at members.aol.com/katomcnick [link defunct]. She works well with dogs and teenagers and can wrangle most livestock.

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