Issue 2 • Summer 2002 • Featured Writer • Drama

an excerpt from

Far From Springer

Craig Fox

CHARACTERS

Rebecca (REB) -- late 30's
STAN -- late 20's

Rebecca's apartment. Front door. Couch and chair facing TV by a window. Dining table. Door to bathroom. Exit to bedroom and exit to kitchen. Shoes are kept by the door. Altar with Buddha and incense.

STAN
Was that a kick?

REB
Gas. I think that was gas. I have a lot of fuckin'gas. (she gets up to go to the bathroom)

STAN
Are you all right?

REB
Fuck.

STAN
You sure do swear a lot.

REB
Fuck! (we hear Reb vomiting from the bathroom)

STAN
(rushes over to the bathroom door) Are you all right?

REB
I'm fine.

STAN
I should have just let you eat.

REB
I'm fine. (water runs - Reb is sipping out of the faucet)

STAN
Why don't I get you something? Calistoga?

REB
(sips water from the faucet) I just want to rinse out my mouth.

STAN
The bubbles will do you good.

REB
I'm fine. This is normal. You feel nauseous. This is normal.

STAN
Why don't you lie down?

REB
(heads for the couch) That's where I'm going.

STAN
I wanted to talk about something anyway.

REB
What do you mean I swear a lot?

STAN
You do.

REB
And?

STAN
You just do.

REB
I grew up in Brooklyn. Come on. People swear in Ohio.

STAN
Not mothers.

REB
My mother swore.

STAN
I'm sure she did.

REB
You don't think I'll be a good mother.

STAN
No. You just swear. I'm sure you won't do it as much when... after...

REB
What if I do?

STAN
I ... You.. Can we not talk about this?

REB
You're fucking crazy.

STAN
Can we talk about something else?

REB
Oh, my god it's already after 8:00. Where's the remote? (goes to the TV)

STAN
Lie down.

REB
(getting up) I am. Regis is on. Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire! (turning on TV)

STAN
To Be a Millionaire.

REB
Whatever. I love his ties.

STAN
Oh?

REB
If I was in drag, I'd wear that. Satin monochrome.

STAN
All you ever wear is psychedelic Indonesian prints.

REB
So?

STAN
(short pause) Nothing.

REB
I'm so addicted to this shit. I'm absolutely mental. Oh, my God. "Humpty Dumpty fell off a what?" I hate these early questions. I know you hate this part.

STAN
No, I like this part. I mean the early questions are stupid, but that's when you hear about these people and meet their families. Have you noticed all the gay people? The guys who bring their mothers. It's cause it's a random drawing. They can't Nazi them out. I love that shit. It's so real.

REB
(looking at the TV) Commercial already? It just started. (to STAN) So, what did you want to talk about?

STAN
What?

REB
What did you want to talk about? Ugh, these special ed questions. "What is Big Ben?" This drives me insane. Like foreplay. Insane.

STAN
Foreplay? You don't like foreplay?

REB
Some girls go on forever. Lick, lick, lick. Get to the Tootsie Pop center already! (short pause) What were we talking about?

STAN
Huh?

REB
Didn't you want to tell me something?

STAN
What. What. Well, I mean the baby's coming. He's -- she's -- it's on it's way.

REB
Don't call her an it.

STAN
We don't know she's a she.

REB
She's not an it.

STAN
Fine. She's on her way.

REB
I know.

STAN
It's three months now.

REB
I know.

STAN
It's past the critical part. I mean the odds now. I mean of course. I know that once. I mean. You know what I mean.

REB
She's coming, Stan. I know she's coming. In my heart I know she's coming. Her heart's beating like a motherfucker.

STAN
I know. I know. That's why we should have a plan.

REB
Plan?

STAN
For when she comes. You have to plan.

REB
Stan?

STAN
I mean Rainbow Foods doesn't have maternity leave. You told me.

REB
I'm gonna take some time off.

STAN
But unpaid right?

REB
I've got some vacation.

STAN
Money's gonna be tight. I told you I'd help.

REB
I know that Stan. I appreciate it.

STAN
But you have to plan.

REB
I know. Everything will take care of itself. Everything happens for a reason. (looking back at the TV) Look it's back on. "Lady Bird Johnson was married to which President?" Fuck me.

STAN
Reb, listen to me. We -- you have to plan.

REB
No, I don't.

STAN
You do.

REB
No, you're a planner. You're the accountant.

STAN
I'm not an accountant. I'm in accounting.

REB
You work at the Gap.

STAN
For the Gap. In accounting. My point is you have to plan.

REB
No, you have to plan. I flow. (gets a cigarette and settles on a piece of gum)

STAN
But I have paternity leave.

REB
What?

STAN
I have three weeks paid paternity. The Gap gives paternity.

REB
What?

STAN
Corporate's very supportive.

REB
No.

STAN
No, it's really simple.

REB
Stan.

STAN
It is.

REB
Stan.

STAN
Listen.

REB
You're not the father.

STAN
I know that.

REB
You're not the father.

STAN
I know that. I know that.

REB
You're not the father.

STAN
I know that. But I can get paternity leave. We can split the money. I can help out.

REB
You're not the father.

STAN
I know.

REB
You just donated the sperm.

STAN
I know.

REB
You donated your sperm.

STAN
I know.

REB
You're not taking paternity leave.

STAN
But it would help.

REB
I'm not discussing this Stan. You're not taking paternity. You're not the pater. Fuck. You're beginning to creep me out. (staring at the TV) Oh, my god she's using Phone-A-Friend now? (Stan sits on the floor in front of Reb and lays his head against her belly) No one uses Phone-A-Friend this early.

STAN
Who is she calling?

REB
I think she said a teacher. It's probably her lover, the P.E. teacher. "How were Pierre and Marie Curie related?"

STAN
Weren't they married?

REB
I thought they were cousins. I know she wasn't his daughter.

STAN
I think they were married.

REB
I think Marie was a dyke.

STAN
Why?

REB
(pause -- searching for a reason) Haircut?

STAN
Maybe they were siblings. They were very alike.

REB
Genes don't mean anything. Look at my brother, the born-again Christian.

STAN
Look at you.

REB
Our poor Jewish parents. (looking at the TV) What is she doing?

STAN
I think she's going to poll the audience.

REB
Stupid. (to the television) It's too soon for that, bitch! Too soon! Don't use all your fuckin' lifelines now!

STAN
She can't wear that.

REB
So fuckin' stupid.

STAN
She's an Autumn.

REB
She'll never make it.

STAN
You'd think they'd point it out.

REB
Oh, she guessed. She guessed. Go, sister. Jump in. That's the only way to get ahead.

STAN
She's risking it all.

REB
"Is that your final answer?" I hate that! I hate when he says that. And the pause. I hate the pause!

STAN
Why do you like this show, again?

REB
She won! She got it! She won!

STAN
Now, there's another question.

REB
I know, but she's moving on. Moving on. Moving on! Go sister!

STAN
Calm down.

REB
Don't tell me to calm down.

STAN
Relax.

REB
Don't tell me what to do.

STAN
You shouldn't get all excited in your condition.

REB
In my condition?

STAN
All the hormones and it's very stressful. You don't want anything to happen.

REB
I didn't kill my baby.

STAN
(pause) I didn't say that. Why do you always say that? Calm down. No, don't calm down. Just relax. You're making a baby. Your body is undergoing an incredible change. It's like some incredible physical transformation.

REB
I'm not some mutant. You make me out like some mutant.

STAN
No. I'm just saying it's amazing. It's a miracle. Isn't it wonderful?

REB
Sometimes I get the feeling you look at me like I'm just a carrier.

STAN
No....

REB
Like some alien life form crawled in my ear and implanted its seed in me. Like in Alien. Like that exploded from that fey guy.

STAN
John Hurt?

REB
Yea! (short pause) You see me that way, don't you?

STAN
You look nothing like John Hurt.

REB
For god sakes, Stan. (standing -- she leans back in pain) My back is killing me.

STAN
It is?

REB
Yes.

STAN
Do you want me to rub it?

REB
Would you?

STAN
(rubs her back) You have to stay in shape. You're going to be carrying a lot of weight.

REB
I know. I'm in training again. (points to the girdle) I wasn't in shape last time.

STAN
(going over to it) Oh, my god. (puts it on) Oh, my god.

REB
It simulates being pregnant.

STAN
(pats his belly) I'm pregnant.

REB
I know.

STAN
I'm pregnant.

REB
I can see that.

STAN
Look, I'm pregnant.

REB
Stan, take that off. You're creeping me out. You know why don't you have some kids of your own.

STAN
What?

REB
If you want a kid so bad, go have one.

STAN
What? Me? Now?

REB
If that's what you want.

STAN
I can't do that.

REB
Why not? If that's what you really want.

STAN
Sperm up me does not yield life. I've tried.

REB
I'm not joking.

STAN
This is a joke. I'm not prepared. I don't have a partner.

REB
Maybe, I'd carry it for you.

REB
Carry it?

REB
Rich fags pay for it all the time.

STAN
Reb?

REB
You know, I thought maybe I'd quit Rainbow and go into the siring business.

STAN
That's not a job.

REB
$50,000 a pop. Plus expenses.

STAN
Oh my god.

REB
Why not? Phoebe did it.

STAN
What? On Friends? She did it for her brother. She didn't get paid.

REB
She deserved to get paid. All the cramps. The vomiting. My back.

STAN
I know. (rubs her back)

REB
I'm going to need a lot of drugs.

STAN
I know.

REB
I'm not against drugs.

STAN
I know.

REB
I like drugs.

STAN
I know.

REB
Stan?

STAN
I'll be there for you. From the first contraction. I'm there. Water bursting -- pushing -- the spanking --

REB
Stan, I don't think we've discussed this.

STAN
I'll be there for you.

REB
Stan, you know Aimee is my Lamaze partner.

STAN
I know.

REB
Aimee is going to be with me. Like before.

STAN
I know.

REB
Aimee has lots of experience. I feel really safe with her.

STAN
You need to feel safe.

REB
I don't want a lot of people in the room. It's stress.

STAN
You shouldn't stress.

REB
Well, I am. (short pause) Stan, Aimee doesn't -- I don't think you should be there.

STAN
The hallway's fine.

REB
At the hospital. I don't think you should be at the hospital.

STAN
Oh...

REB
It will just be confusing. The doctors ask questions.

STAN
Oh

REB
I just need to relax. Relax, you know?

STAN
I know.

REB
You understand, don't you?

STAN
I know.

REB
That's why I love you, Stan. You understand. You understand everything. Oh, look! She's going for $64,000. "Where were the 1960 Summer Games?" How am I supposed to know that?

STAN
I can be here.

REB
Where?

STAN
I can be here. I can make sure everything is ready when you arrive back. I'll have everything in order. Diapers. Bottles. Clean sheets. Spotless.

REB
1968? I was barely born.

STAN
What?

REB
Where were they? The Olympics. 1968.

STAN
(short pause) I don't know. Tokyo?

REB
Maybe. Mexico City?

STAN
Too smoggy.

REB
Berlin? Rome? Those are the choices.

STAN
I'll be here, Reb. Isn't that perfect?

REB
Don't poll the audience! They don't know. She's polling the audience.

STAN
Doesn't that sound perfect. Me. Here. For you.

REB
Stan, I've talked to Aimee about this. This is about me. I don't know how I'll feel.

STAN
You don't have to worry.

REB
That's what I'm saying. I don't know what I'll want. I'll call you, OK?

STAN
You will? Promise?

REB
Stop it. Mexico City? They said Mexico City, 40%.

STAN
They also said Rome, 38%.

REB
They don't know. What's she going to do? Where's my almanac?

STAN
You can't help her.

REB
Where is it?

STAN
Oh my god, the answer. (Reb rushes back) "Is that your final answer?"

REB
Oh my god, the pause! (pause -- Stan and Reb deflate watching the contestant miss the question) Damn. She missed it. Damn. Just $16,000. Damn, girl. Should have used that last fuckin' lifeline. Should have used it. No good to you now. Loses $50,000 but she does go home with a lifeline.

STAN
(short pause) You don't want me around? Is that what you're trying to say? I stress you out.

REB
Don't do this, Stan. I want you around. I'll tell you when. You can bring a hot plate to the door. O.K.? You were so good about this last time. O.K.?

STAN
O.K. O.K.

REB
O.K.

STAN
O.K.

REB
You know, I read this article the other day about a woman who stayed at home alone with her baby for six months. They used diaper service -- WebVan. Just the two of them home alone for a year. Like she and her baby on an island. Those are the most important times. It's when you bond. You can never have that back.

STAN
I know.

REB
You can never have that back.

STAN
I know.

REB
This has been real hard on me.

STAN
I know.

REB
Every time. The one at the hospital. The one I didn't name. But the early ones, too. The ones that fell from me after a week or a month. Each one. Each one should have had a name. Then Eleanor.

STAN
I know.

REB
I know you know, Stan. I know. I just need some space. I need you to respect that. I need things to be clean. This is a gift you've given me. And I appreciate that. And you let go.

STAN
I know.

REB
You release and let go. They did this on Oprah. (she mimes blowing up a balloon). You fill the balloon with all your anxieties and fears. And you release and let go. (she lets go of the mimed balloon and watches it fly away) Do it. (short pause) Go on.

STAN
It doesn't work like that.

REB
Stan...

STAN
You'd need to tie the balloon. You'd need to tie it up to keep the stuff in there otherwise it would all fart out the end, flail around in the air and land in a pile on the floor.

REB
(mimes again) Then you fill up the balloon. You tie up the balloon. And you let it go.

STAN
It would sink.

REB
What?

STAN
It would sink. The balloon.

REB
You have to let it go.

STAN
It would fall to the ground. A balloon you blow up would fall to the ground. You could step on the balloon. You could crush it.

REB
It's a metaphor, Stan. It's an exercise. Oprah does it.

STAN
I'm just saying.

REB
Stop it, Stan. Stop doing this. Stop bringing me down.

STAN
I'm sorry. I'm just trying to figure this out.

REB
You're not trying. Your aura's a funeral.

STAN
I just want things to go well.

REB
They will.

STAN
Your job. Money. Time. I know how hard it is.

REB
I'll figure it out.

STAN
I want to help out. I mean I wasn't so interested before, but... well, Eleanor's not around. You're going to need the help.

REB
We'll see.

STAN
I was thinking like afternoons. After work. Come and help out after work.

REB
We'll see. We'll see.

STAN
I just want to come around. I don't want to miss this, either. I know how you feel.

REB
Of course I'll have you come around.

STAN
I could bring dinner.

REB
Every day?

STAN
Maybe every other. Maybe... Maybe Sundays. I could relieve you on Sundays. What about Sundays? It would be like a Sabbath. A ritual. You could relax.

REB
Stop it, Stan.

STAN
I just think it would be good for you. Something to look forward to.

REB
I'll see.

STAN
Don't you think? Once a week. Something you could plan on.

REB
You mean something you could plan on.

STAN
Both of us. Both of us.

REB
I think this is about you. You want some visitation rights or something?

STAN
No. Not like that.

REB
What if I don't want you around some Sunday?

STAN
I could come another day.

REB
And what if I don't want you around another day?

STAN
There's lots of days.

REB
You know, Beryl sent over copies of the papers for me to give you. (she goes to get them) I keep forgetting. There's nothing about this. You know that.

STAN
I just want to be around.

REB
Beryl explained.

STAN
That's the law. I'm not talking about the law. I'm talking about us. You wanted me to have a relationship. You always wanted that.

REB
Of course. But I'm the parent. We talked about this. It's all here. (gives him the papers)

STAN
We talked about this when you were with Eleanor. When there were two parents. You need help now. This is different. This is hard. I want to help.

REB
Stan, this is the same thing. You're not involved. What the fuck's wrong with you?

STAN
This is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.

REB
Good. (gives him the papers)

STAN
I just want to be around. I just want to make sure things are all right.

REB
Things are fine, Stan. This is my life. Let it go.

STAN
Let it go.

REB
O.K. Let it go. O.K. (pause) Look, Fastest Finger.

STAN
(softly) This is my life, too.

REB
List the Northern European cities from West to East starting in Greenland. Oslo. Reykjavik. Helsinki. Copenhagen. (pause) B. D. A. C.? Shit.

STAN
This is my life, too.

REB
Oh! Some fag won!

STAN
This is my life, too.

REB
You're really bugging me. (phone rings)

REB
I'll get that.

STAN
Let me.

REB
I'll get that.

STAN
(spotting the envelope Reb left on the TV) What's that?

REB
The son --

STAN
The what?

REB
I've got to get the phone. Just leave it. (REB answers the phone off stage -- Stan opens the envelope and pulls out a sonogram -- he admires it)

REB
It's Ray.

STAN
Ray?

REB
He said you told him you were coming here.

STAN
I did.

REB
(takes the sonogram from Stan and puts it back in the envelope) Why don't you get the phone?

STAN
Yea. (goes off stage to the phone)

REB
(takes a drink of Stan's bottle of water -- takes the sonogram out again -- she looks at it -- she looks toward where Stan went off stage -- she puts the sonogram back in the envelope and hides it under the sofa cushions -- lies on the couch -- admires her stomach -- she hums "Hush Little Baby")

STAN
(re-enters) It was Ray.

REB
I know.

STAN
I know.

REB
What did he say?

STAN
I have to go.

REB
What did he say?

STAN
(grabs his water) You didn't drink out of this, did you?

REB
No.

STAN
Good.

REB
Why?

STAN
I have to go.

REB
What did he tell you?

STAN
I have to go.

REB
What did he say? What? You have AIDS? You have AIDS?

STAN
I don't have AIDS.

REB
What is it, Stan? You look sick.

STAN
I didn't give you anything.

REB
I'm carrying -- You -- What did you give me?

STAN
I didn't give you anything. I know I didn't. (REB blocks his exit) I know where I got this. I know where.

REB
What did you get? You're not leaving till you tell me.

STAN
Later.

REB
Pretend. Pretend it's later. It's later now.

STAN
I don't want to.

REB
I need you to.

STAN
I don't want.

REB
I need you to. What are you doing to me? To us? What are you doing to her? What have you done to her?

STAN
Hepatitis. B. I have Hepatitis B. But you don't. I know you don't.

REB
Hepatitis? B?

STAN
I know you don't.

REB
How do you know? You're contagious?

STAN
Not casually. But we shouldn't share food just to make sure.

REB
We've shared a lot more than that.

STAN
I know.

REB
You could have given it to me.

STAN
I didn't.

REB
You don't know that. How long could you have had this? How long does it incubate?

STAN
Months.

REB
How many?

STAN
A few.

REB
How many?

STAN
Two.

REB
Two?

STAN
To six.

REB
Six!

STAN
Usually less than three.

REB
I'm three months!

STAN
I got it after.

REB
You don't know.

STAN
I know where I got it.

REB
How do you know?

STAN
I know. The Canadian. The fisting. I know.

REB
And when was he? When was he?

STAN
After. After you. After conceiving.

REB
But you did other things. Before.

STAN
I know.

REB
You did other things.

STAN
Yes, I told you. There was Ray, I guess.

REB
I trusted you.

STAN
You told me to go live my life. You told me you weren't sure if you wanted to try again after Eleanor left. All the false alarms and the near miss -- it had been so long since I'd done anything. Almost three years. I told you I had. I told you I did it. You said it was O.K.

REB
You said you were safe.

STAN
I was.

REB
Then how do you explain this? You had to be unsafe. You fucked. You rimmed. That's where you boys get this, licking each other's asses.

STAN
No. I don't do that. I didn't do that. I haven't done that lately.

REB
You don't even know.

STAN
It's the Canadian -- it had to be him. I fisted. I didn't wear a glove. I mean I washed, but Ray says that if just a microbe sticks under your nail it's as good as anything.

REB
Give me a break.

STAN
It had to be. I didn't do anything else.

REB
What about Ray?

STAN
Yea, Ray. (short pause) He's going to get tested.

REB
No one else.

STAN
Except Ray.

REB
Who else did you forget?

STAN
No one. (short pause) I don't think so.

REB
You don't think so?!

STAN
I'll look at my calendar. I always tell you everything. Everything. (short pause) You have to get tested. You have to make sure. But I'm sure you don't.

REB
How could you do this?

STAN
How could I? How could I? I told you everything.

REB
You didn't tell me this.

STAN
I didn't know.

REB
Get out.

STAN
I'll take you to see Ray tomorrow. It'll be O.K.

REB
Shut up, Stan.

STAN
It'll be O.K.

REB
Shut up, STAN.

STAN
We'll make it through this.

REB
Get out! (goes to her altar)

STAN
Don't do this Reb. Don't do this to me.

REB
Get out!

STAN
Please. I need you.

REB
I need you out. I need my lighter. I need sage.

STAN
I'll come by tomorrow.

REB
(holding the lighter) I need gum.

STAN
O.K.? Tomorrow.

REB
I'll call you.

STAN
You'll call me? You mean tomorrow? Or do you mean "don't call me"?

REB
I mean, when I'm ready, Stan, I'll call. Go. Get out. (pause) Fuck off.

STAN
Don't swear.

REB
I swear, Stan. I swear. Fuck you. (pause)

STAN
Don't say that.

REB
I didn't say that. I didn't mean that. Just go. Just go. I'll call you, Stan. Later. I'll call you. Just -- I'll call you.

STAN
You will?

REB
I will.

STAN
You will?

REB
I will. I love you, Stan.

STAN
I love you.

REB
Just go.

STAN
I need you, too.

REB
You need to take care of yourself, Stan. You're sick. And I need to think about myself and my child. I'll call you when I'm ready, Stan. Just take care of yourself, damn it.

STAN
You'll call me.

REB
Stop it, Stan.

STAN
Soon?

REB
Go, Stan.

STAN
I'm creeping you out.

REB
Your eyes are yellow.

STAN
I know. I'm creeping you out. I'll go.

REB
Good-bye, Stan.

STAN
I love you, REB.

REB
I know. (shuts the door)

STAN
You love me too right?

REB
You know I do.

STAN
I know.

REB
(to herself) I know. (to herself) Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. (she picks up the girdle and throws it across the room) Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! (she punches her stomach -- she resists beating on her stomach -- Stan looks in the window -- Reb flops stomach first on the couch -- she pounds on the cushions -- Stan runs away frightened -- Reb looks up -- she looks at the TV -- she looks at the TV -- she takes off her top -- she touches her stomach)

I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. Mommy's here now. Mommy's here. And you're gonna be just fine. Everything's just fine. (looks at the TV) You think this fag is going to go all the way? Well at least he knows that you put your foot in your mouth and not in your CD player, fist or cell phone. What a fucking idiot that writes these questions. (pause) Mommy's here. And she has the answer. She always has the answer. She does. Mommy has the answer. You're here. And I'm here. And I always have the answer. How did I get here? How did you get here? (she feels her vagina) How did I get so damn lucky? (hums "High Hopes" -- takes out a cigarette sticks it in her mouth) Fuck.

End of Act I

Craig Fox received his Masters in English/Creative Writing from San Francisco State University in 2001. He was awarded the 2001 Highsmith Playwriting award for the play Far From Springer, which will be performed in summer 2002 in San Francisco. He is also co-writer of Girl Meets Girl, which tours the United States in 2002. Since 2000, he has written a narrative non-fiction column in the national magazine, Unzipped. Currently, he is working on his third book and looking to team up with an agent.

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