Issue 3 • Fall 2002 • Poetry

Over Me

Travis Montez

he wrote
number one gay nigger
across his son's skull
because he thought
that was my name

he wrote
number one gay nigger
across his son's skull
because he thought
that was my name

and he wrote
my name
across his son's skull
because
i loved him

number one gay nigger
and i loved the son
when the father
couldn't stand
Black Americans or faggots
couldn't stand Black Americans
with their loud music
their tacky gold chains
their disrespectful baggy pants
and he wasn't about to let his son
be no faggot
over no
number one gay nigger
like me

see
he had traded
one star for fifty
just so his son
could be a man
and
a number one gay nigger
would ruin that dream,
would make that move
from one island with palm trees
to another island with skyscrapers
useless

and he couldn't stand
Black Americans or faggots
couldn't stand Black Americans
or their music
that crying-wailing-dying black people music
that sounded like sin

he couldn't stand their music

except for that one song
that:
over time
I've been building my castle of love
just for two
although you
never knew
you were my reason

he liked that one song
about love and trying
about losing and finding
because he thought
it was about him
but at the end of the day
he still wrote
number one gay nigger
across his son's skull
just to keep him
from saying my name

and the ironic thing
is just like that song,
over heart
i had painfully turned every stone
just to find
that sometimes
fathers love Leviticus
more than they love their own sons

like Isaac on the altar
like Jesus on the cross
sons stand forsaken
bleeding for sins
they can't name

number one gay nigger
and
he sacrificed his son
just so
he wouldn't love
no
number one gay nigger
no faggot black american
with music in the dark
no
number one gay nigger
like me

over dreams
i thought things
would be easy
believing stevie
when he said
true love just needs a chance
but we never had a chance
because one Sunday morning
while the son was sleeping
the father was thinking
about all the nasty things
we must've been doing
the night before

one Sunday morning
while the son was sleeping
the father was thinking
about all the places
i must have touched his son
with my dirty nigga-faggot hands
and all his dreams
seemed deferred

he had cashed in
one star for fifty
just so his son could be a man,
he traded islands
he traded puerto rico for manhattan
he traded islands and sand castles
for el barrio and manhood
but his son
wouldn't be a man
if i could touch him
like that
in the dark
if i could touch him
with my music
if i could touch him
with my heart

so, one Sunday morning
while the son was sleeping
the father took his breath away
he took that life away from me
and blood climbed the walls
that Sunday morning
over love

and when the father was done
there was no son
only a body torn to pieces
flesh removed from bone
because he had been looking
for the little thing
that made his son a faggot
like me

and when he could not find it
and there was only the skull
when there was nothing left but the skull
he wrote his reason across it,
he addressed it to me,
he wrote
he scratched
he carved
number one gay nigger
across his son's skull
because he thought
that was my name

he killed his son
over sex with a man
over sex with a
number one gay nigger

he killed his son
over islands traded
over sand castles given away
over what people might say
over machismo bullshit

he killed his son
over time
over love
over a number one gay nigger
over me

Poet/activist Travis Montez is a third-year student at New York University School of Law where he is preparing for a career in juvenile justice and community organization. He has performed his work in venues all over the world, including the American embassies of Spain and Senegal. He's been featured in productions at Nuyorican Poet's Café, Brooklyn Café, New York University, and The Poetry Project at St. Mark's Church. Recently, Travis Montez lent his talent to the Words to Comfort benefit for the World Trade Center Relief Fund and is a regular feature in Emanuel Xavier's annual Glam Slam.

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