Lodestar Quarterly

Issue 6 • Summer 2003 • Featured Writer • Drama

Home Again

Troy Hill

Act I, Scene 1

Act I.

Scene 1.

Lights up on a New York apartment -- a one-bedroom with an office. The scenes can take place in the kitchen with eating area -- table and chairs. Nice but fairly non-descript -- Pottery Barn, etc. Todd is holding a plant -- a succulent -- in one hand and a drink in the other. Jonathan is stretching in sweats.

TODD
Why are you trying to murder this plant?

JON
What?

TODD
This succulent. It's the one plant I actually like in this apartment, and you're apparently determined to kill it.

JON
You don't like the plants?

TODD
Don't change the subject.

JON
You're serious.

TODD
Um, hello, yes.

JON
What are you talking about?

TODD
Well, you don't water it.

JON
Yes I do.

TODD
You don't. And then it gets knocked over, ostensibly by the cat...

JON
Her name is Delilah...

TODD
...and you just leave it there -- and it's not like you're careless about these things -- you know, what with your systems and all. And this plant, if it's lucky, gets put back and sort of stuck back in its pot, but you don't even bury it or put soil around it, it's just sitting there, roots sticking out on top of the soil, deprived of water, shocked that it's still alive while all the other plants thrive. I saw a cigarette put out in it once.

JON
We had had a party with some of your friends who smoke.

TODD
But you admitted to watching it happen without protest.

JON
I did?

TODD
Oh yes.

JON
Did it ever occur to you that you could take care of this plant yourself if it means so much to you?

TODD
So you admit to not liking it.

JON
It's not my favorite plant.

TODD
But you know I like it.

JON
Well then, why don't you take care of it? Remember our "taking responsibility" talk?

TODD
I try, but it's a losing battle around here.

JON
Why do you like this plant so much anyway?

TODD
I don't know. Does it matter why? I like the primitives I guess. Ferns, succulents.

JON
Not my favorite.

TODD
I know. But this is what I'm saying. All the plants are the plants you like. You know I like this one. And still you ignore it. I used to have one when I lived with Janice. I used to sort of meditate on it.

JON
Okay.

TODD
Oh, is that too weird for you?

JON
No.

TODD
Well, when it's popularized as the hip new tension remedy in Details magazine, you'll change your mind. No, you'll forget that I ever mentioned it. You'll be like, "Oh, wow, I love this writer. This new succulent-meditation-tension-remedy is so smart. Who would ever think of such a thing?" Just like the Jack Daniels/Lapsang Souchong cocktail I created that was later ripped off by Martha fucking Stuart.

JON
Don't take her name in vain. She's had enough troubles and bad jokes for a lifetime.

TODD
I'm not joking.

JON
What's eating you?

TODD
Nothing.

JON
Something. Remember we talked about "communication." Don't make me beg.

TODD
My yoga instructor is moving to Bennington, fucking Vermont.

JON
Don't you think you can find another class?

TODD
And, um, well, I talked to my mother today.

JON
Oh, and how is everyone?

TODD
Oh just peachy. They want one of my kidneys.

JON
What?

TODD
She wants me to be the donor for Audrey's transplant.

JON
I thought your mother was going to do it.

TODD
Apparently she's not up to it, according to her doctor -- according to her doctor according to her.

JON
Wow. Well that's great that you're going to help your sister. When is it? I need to cancel my clients.

TODD
You don't need to go.

JON
Of course I'm going to go. I'm your partner.

TODD
Ew!

JON
What?

TODD
Just don't call it that, please.

JON
What?

TODD
Partner.

JON
What then, your husband?

TODD
We're not married.

JON
Only because it's not legal. Lover?

TODD
Too kitsch. Boyfriend.

JON
What are we, in high school?

TODD
Lisa calls Doug her boyfriend.

JON
I don't think "boyfriend" is appropriate for two people who want to start a family together.

TODD
Look, whatever, just trust me on this one, it'll be so much easier. Just stay here -- and I'll go and come back and we can celebrate the fact that it's over.

JON
Oh that sounds nice.

TODD
Look this is really stressful for me as it is. Okay? I'm sorry. You know how they are. I think it will be easier if I go alone this time. I mean, believe me, I would much rather you be there, but, you know, they're just so backwards. And it's going to be stressful with my sister. I don't think it's the trip for "meet my gay boyfriend." Plus I really can't afford to buy your ticket right now.

JON
You don't have to buy my ticket.

TODD
You bought my ticket to San Francisco.

JON
It's not a contest. I don't expect you to buy my ticket. My God, you're having a kidney transplant.

TODD
My sister's having a kidney transplant. I'm just having one removed.

JON
I'm going. And you're not buying my ticket. No one's keeping score besides you, you know. (Beat) Maybe we can talk to your sister.

TODD
What do you mean?

JON
About insemination.

TODD
Jon!

JON
What? She'll have downtime in the hospital. She'll need a distraction.

TODD
You're insane.

JON
That way the baby would have both of our genes.

TODD
When did... I really don't need this right now. This is hard enough.

JON
But you're just the donor -- like you said. You have to learn to talk about things. No one gets hurt having a conversation.

TODD
They do in my family. Besides, she's a born-again Christian.

JON
Well, don't be so judgmental. Born-agains are people too.

TODD
You have no idea. Besides, I think they're having trouble having kids of their own.

JON
Well, we have to ask to find out. It's just an idea. It will be good for you -- an exercise in communication. While you're at it you can talk to your parents about our plans too.

TODD
I can't even commit to walking a dog. I'm hardly ready for children.

JON
You will be.

TODD
Okay. (Pause) I don't know about all that artificial insemination stuff anyway.

JON
What do you mean?

TODD
I mean, don't you think it would be weird to find out that's how you were made -- in a test tube?

JON
That's not exactly...

TODD
It's so "Brave New World."

JON
No, it's so homophobic. You're being homophobic.

TODD
Oh, here we go.

JON
You need to relax. Just take a deep breath. (Beat) Oh, I can't wait to meet your family!

TODD
Don't you think we're rushing things a bit?

JON
We've been together for two years.

TODD
I have to go down for some tests. It's not even definite that I'm an eligible donor.

JON
Why don't you want me to meet them?

TODD
I do, it's just... You think it's going to be fun. It's not. It's going to be very uncomfortable. They're Wasps. My mother's from the South. You don't understand.

JON
You have to give them a chance.

TODD
They're not going to turn into colorblind yet culturally respecting P-flag parents just because I tell them you want kids. Especially not then. They're not liberal Jews. We don't talk things out. We silently judge and have another scotch.

JON
I've noticed. What does religion have to do with it anyway?

TODD
I'm just saying, it's not how you think it's going to be. Look, why don't we just wait and see -- if I pass the compatibility test or whatever, and if it ends up happening, then you can fly down for the surgery.

JON
Okay. But I do hope you'll at least try to talk to them. Audrey might be more open than you think. And at least give your parents a chance. They just need time. I want our kids to have two sets of grandparents.

TODD
You know, you're kind of freaking me out with this whole kids thing.

JON
One day at a time Todd. One day at a time.

Todd roughly grabs Jon from behind.

TODD
'Course, that doesn't mean we can't keep trying.

JON
See, I knew you were a family man. Did your folks ever meet J.D.?

Todd releases him.

TODD
No. I mean yeah. I mean they didn't know we were a couple. I mean I wasn't out or whatever. It was when he OD'd that it all came out. They thought we were drug buddies or something.

JON
They were right. No wonder they've had a negative impression of us. When they meet me, they'll see we're just normal, responsible people.

TODD
Speak for yourself. I think I need a drink.

JON
You had one.

TODD
I thought you weren't keeping score.

JON
Well, I'm going for a jog. I've got a cloud of neurotic monologues raining tension in my brain.

TODD
Thanks.

JON
Oh, sweetie, not from you -- from my patients. It's been a long day of unfulfilled needs. I need to blow off some steam. What do you want to do for dinner?

TODD
I'll make something. Order something.

JON
Great.

TODD
What do you want?

JON
Anything you want. I'll treat.

TODD
Chinese?

JON
Make it Thai.

TODD
Okay.

JON
Back in a few. 'Love you.

Jonathan goes to kiss Todd. Todd turns and kisses his cheek.

TODD
Bye.

Jon leaves. Todd fidgets. Goes to the phone. Puts it back and gets his cell phone out of his pocket. He scrolls through the phone book (on the phone), selects a number, and sends the call.

TODD
Hey Scott, it's Todd. He just left. I told him you're moving. He doesn't even know your name. Yoga teacher. Well, you are. I'm going away. Home to Cincinnati. My sister -- I'm donating one of my kidneys -- my sister needs a transplant. Yes. Well, I'd like to but you're leaving. I know you're not the only yoga teacher in New York -- just the only one I have sex with. I know about your scholarship, blah, blah, blah. I'm having major surgery and all you can think about is grad school. I need your yogic advice. What do I do with one kidney? Uh huh. So no protein shakes? Oh my God. Well, how many grams a day? Great, I'll end up looking like I used to. Fuck. Oh I'm not quitting drinking. I'm very stressed out right now. The day after tomorrow and I need to see you before I leave. After the morning class is fine. Well, you're moving anyway, so it doesn't really matter, does it? I love you. I don't care. I will. Bye.

Act I, Scene 2

Scene 2.

Audrey and Sarah in a suburban kitchen. Audrey sits at the table connected to a dialysis wearing a loose dress and no shoes or makeup. Sarah has just come in and tosses her keys on the counter. She is put together.

SARAH
Oh, honey, that dress looks so nice on you. Ten thousand times better than that one you were wearing at the house after church last Sunday.

AUDREY
You gave me this for Christmas last year.

SARAH
Oh, that's right. I told you, those are your colors. I knew somebody had some taste around here. Have you lost weight?

AUDREY
I'm not sure.

SARAH
Now when you get back on your feet and look like yourself again, you are going to let me take you out on a shopping frenzy. Just like the old days.

AUDREY
I think I'm old enough to dress myself now, Mom.

SARAH
Now don't get smart. I just want to do something nice for you. Give you something to look forward to. And you know, honey, you can use your mama's advice in the fashion department.

AUDREY
Okay Mom.

SARAH
Now don't be grouchy towards your sweet mother. I am just trying to help. You have to keep your man interested in this day and age. Young people are so fickle. I'm just trying to help. You got to charm that sweet Al if you want to keep him around.

AUDREY
I think we're doing fine.

SARAH
I'm sure you are, honey. Now, for instance, what did you make him for lunch today?

AUDREY
Mom, what is going on? I appreciate the advice, really, but didn't you hear about the tests today?

SARAH
Well, yes, honey, that's partly why I've come by, to talk to you about it.

AUDREY
Okay. Well what is it? What happened?

SARAH
Well dear, the thing is. Now listen, honey, don't you worry about a thing. We're going to work everything out.

AUDREY
Mom, what?

SARAH
Now, I've already spoken with your brother in New York City and he's coming down.

AUDREY
Why, what's going on. Is Todd okay?

SARAH
Oh, now he's fine -- in a manner of speaking. The thing is, doll, Dr. Gillen doesn't think it wise for me to be the donor. He thinks I might be a bit fragile for all that.

AUDREY
Why what's wrong?

SARAH
Oh, nothing in particular, it's just... well, I know I don't seem like it, but I'm no spring chicken these days and he just doesn't think it wise for me to have to face my... coming years with any more trauma than it already promises to be. You know, what with the wrinkles and all that. Ha hah. Just a little joke dear.

AUDREY
So we'll have to delay the procedure.

SARAH
Not necessarily. Todd is coming down, ever so graciously, and they're going to see if he's healthy enough to be the lucky winner -- God willing he doesn't have some horrible disease.

AUDREY
Mother!

SARAH
I'm just saying, let's all keep him in our prayers.

Al comes in.

AUDREY
Hi, honey.

AL
Hey, sweetie.

Al gives Audrey a kiss on the cheek.

SARAH
Well, hello stranger, remember me?

AL
Hello, Sarah. To what do I owe this pleasure?

SARAH
Audrey and I were just chatting about her lovely dress.

AUDREY
And my kidney transplant. Mom can't be the donor.

AL
Oh. Why not?

SARAH
Now, Audrey's brother is on his way here and everything is going to be just fine.

AL
Great. Todd's coming down? Oh, to --

AUDREY
He's offered to pitch in for the cause.

AL
Great.

SARAH
He may be the better choice for all this kidney business.

AL
Oh. Okay.

SARAH
Now Al, excuse us silly girls for just chatting away as if we're at the beauty salon -- you must be famished.

AUDREY
What would you like for lunch, honey? I've got some tuna fish salad already made up in the frig.

AL
That sounds great.

SARAH
Now he doesn't want old soggy tuna salad. Why don't I take us all out for a nice lunch at the club?

AL
Oh, no thanks, Sarah. I'd love to, but I've got to get back to the shop.

AUDREY
Thanks, Mom, but I don't feel much like going out.

SARAH
You know what? There's a new gourmet deli right next to Kroger's. I'll be right back with a scrumptious lunch to die for and it won't take a minute!

AL
Okay. Gosh, well, thanks Sarah.

AUDREY
Mom, don't bother. I can make something.

SARAH
I know how to take care of a man. These Yankee women don't know the first thing about entertaining a gentleman. Al and I understand each other since we're both from south of the Mason Dixon. Right Al?

AL
Sure.

SARAH
Be back in a flash.

AUDREY
Thanks, Mom.

SARAH
Now don't even mention it. It is my pleasure.

Audrey forces a smile. Sarah exits with purse and car keys.

AL
Your mom is so sweet.

AUDREY
Um hmm.

AL
How are you feeling, honey?

AUDREY
I'm okay. I just want to get this all over with.

AL
You will. Give it time.

AUDREY
Dr. Gillen said we could go ahead with our fertility tests. He wants to test you too, but I don't see the point.

AL
Well, why not?

AUDREY
I'm the one with Lupus. I mean, come on, we know I'm the one.

AL
Well, that could be, but there's no harm in being sure.

AUDREY
I just pray for the day I don't ever have to see the inside of a doctor's office ever again.

AL
God's got a plan for us, Audrey.

AUDREY
I know He does, Al. That's what I'm afraid of.

AL
What do you mean?

AUDREY
I'm afraid I'm being punished for the past. Or for who I was. And now we're both suffering because of it.

AL
Now that is not the way of the Lord and you know it.

AUDREY
I know, but...

AL
Don't you remember Preston's sermon on Grace last Sunday?

AUDREY
I know.

AL
" There will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent." That's from Luke. Now we've talked about this. God doesn't work that way -- He doesn't want to punish you, Audrey. He loves you.

AUDREY
I know.

AL
We don't even know yet. We may have our kids yet. You'll see. God's got it all worked out. Okay?

AUDREY
Okay. You going to Bible study tonight?

AL
Yeah, I'd like to. As long as you'll be okay.

AUDREY
Oh, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.

AL
Mark and I might grab a bite afterwards tonight. Will you be okay? I'll pick something up for you.

AUDREY
Oh, of course. I'll be fine.

AL
You sure now? I can come straight home. It's no problem.

AUDREY
No, I'll be fine. I know how you guys love to chat. Talk about stuff. You go ahead.

AL
As long as you're sure.

AUDREY
I'm sure. If Dan's going maybe I'll see if Karen wants to come over for a snack.

AL
I'll call him at the office.

AUDREY
Oh I'll call Karen. Does Dan ever hang out with you guys after Bible study?

AL
No. He's got to get home to the kids, I guess.

AUDREY
He's so great.

AL
Mark's a true man of God.

AUDREY
I meant Dan.

AL
Yeah, well, Dan's a great guy.

AUDREY
Of course, Mark's a wonderful minister. The kids seem to really take to him. I hope we're as good at being parents as Karen and Dan. I hope I can be a mom like Karen.

AL
You'll be fine.

AUDREY
If we can have kids of course.

AL
God's got a plan for us Audrey.

AUDREY
I know He does Al.

Act I, Scene 3

Scene 3.

Lights up on the kitchen of a suburban McMansion. Nice, new, Midwestern. Todd comes through the door with bags.

TODD
Hi.

Sarah goes up and hugs Todd as he comes through the door. Jack stands back and waits. Sarah and Jack are both dressed, not formally, but definitely dressed for the day.

SARAH
I just have to kiss your face. I don't get to do that very often.

Sarah holds Todd's face looking at him for a prolonged period of time. Todd stands there still holding bags. It's awkward.

SARAH
Well, come in, put your stuff down. Stay a while.

Jack takes a bag and sets it over to the side.

SARAH
So, how was the flight?

Jack sits down.

TODD
Fine. Fine.

SARAH
What would you like dear, beer, wine, martini?

JACK
Shirley Temple?

TODD
I'm good for now.

SARAH
Dad?

JACK
Scotch on the rocks. So how's it goin'?

Sarah fetches Jack's drink.

TODD
Oh, pretty good.

SARAH
Sit, sit.

They sit.

TODD
So, how's Audrey?

JACK
She's just fine.

SARAH
All things considered -- Praise the Lord. She's got a hard road ahead of her, but...

JACK
She's doing just fine.

TODD
That's great.

SARAH
We'll take you over to the hospital tomorrow so you can test and all that. But you may as well relax in the mean time and have a nice visit with your poor old mom.

TODD
Okay. (Beat) So is Audrey doing okay otherwise?

SARAH
Well, she's fragile with the Lupus. And I've told her -- she doesn't take care of herself.

JACK
Doesn't eat right.

SARAH
Of course, she's been putting on a lot of weight, that doesn't help anything.

JACK
And she was such a beautiful girl. It's a shame.

TODD
Doesn't that have something to do with the medication?

SARAH
She may lose some weight now that she won't be able to eat regular food for a few days.

JACK
Gosh I hope so.

SARAH
We'll take you over to see her tomorrow after the other business.

TODD
Should we go tonight?

SARAH
Oh, we should let her rest.

TODD
Okay.

Pause.

SARAH
So how's everything? How are you?

TODD
Fine. Fine.

SARAH
You've been working a new job, right?

TODD
Oh just freelance. Stuff.

SARAH
Do you like it?

TODD
Not really, but, you know, it's work.

SARAH
I just hate to see you taking jobs you don't like. With all the talent and that brain you've got. Not to mention the education we paid for.

TODD
Um, I do like painting.

SARAH
I just wish you had something to look forward to, that's all. You're so capable. I hate to see you waste away.

TODD
I'm not...

JACK
So how's the painting?

TODD
Oh, coming along. I'm working out some new ideas. I think I'm finally discovering color. Or beginning to. (Beat) Anyway. (Pause)

SARAH
I just wish you could find a job you really liked. Something you could look forward to.

JACK
Have you thought about what you're going to do if this painting business doesn't work out?

TODD
Um, well, I guess. I mean, sure I've thought about it but I try not to. I mean I feel like I need to really focus on what I'm doing in order to succeed at it -- whatever that means.

JACK
Get paid.

TODD
Well, yeah, that would be nice.

JACK
You're getting a little old to have your mother sending you checks.

TODD
I know that.

JACK
You gotta take these museum people or gallery folks to lunch, dinner. Buy 'em some drinks. Tell 'em to sell your stuff. I know this guy about your age who went into computers, Bob's boy, and he's done real well.

TODD
I'm sure.

JACK
There are some kids in our new neighborhood in Florida who are about your age -- with houses even bigger than ours.

SARAH
(Overlapping) Real nice.

TODD
Yeah, I'm sure. A lot of people made a lot of money in the nineties.

SARAH
Seems like every one's made a bundle these last few years.

TODD
I guess I've been focused on other things.

JACK
Yeah, well, it never hurts to have a backup plan. (Beat)

TODD
So how was -- was it Mexico?

JACK
Real nice.

SARAH
Oh yes, it was wonderful. Our club got the trip together -- they organized everything -- and you go down there and eat great food and play tennis and everything is right there. You don't even have to leave the resort grounds.

JACK
They say it's dangerous if you leave, but there's no need to. Right there are the finest facilities -- almost as nice as the club's courts -- and the finest of rooms and restaurants. They say the town is a dump. We saw it on the way from the airport. Nothing there.

SARAH
We weren't even going to go because of Audrey's surgery coming up, but all our friends -- Dad's friends at the club -- wouldn't hear about it. You know how popular he is. I think they would have paid our way -- or his way anyway -- if he'd asked.

JACK
Oh, come on.

SARAH
We'll have to show you the pictures. Dad won a doubles tournament. They gave him a trophy and everything.

TODD
Great.

SARAH
And then we stopped over in L.A. for a few hours to see Susan on the way back. We have pictures of her new baby, Little Lisa. She is a doll!

TODD
Oh, when were you in L.A.?

SARAH
Oh let's see, that must have been...

JACK
The 30th --

SARAH
September.

JACK
That's right.

SARAH
Just real quick.

TODD
Oh, I was going to say because Jonathan was at LAX that day coming back from a conference -- you could have run into him.

Pause.

SARAH
Have you talked to Janice? Are you going to see her while you're here?

TODD
Um. I was going to head over tonight at some point -- maybe for dinner.

SARAH
Oh no. You're having dinner with us. I've got it all planned.

TODD
Okay. Well, I'll go later, whenever.

SARAH
He's a real chip off the ol' block. Popular just like his ol' Dad. There's just not enough to go around. Oh Todd, I met the nicest lady on our Tennis trip. And it turns out she lives right around the corner from us in Florida.

TODD
Wow.

JACK
They live in those condos next to our old place -- Sunny Haven. They're kind of old -- from the 70's, but they're pretty nice.

TODD
I know the ones.

SARAH
We'll have to have them to the new house. Todd, you're going to love it. It's so nice. When can you come?

TODD
I'm not sure.

SARAH
Well anyway, we just hit it off. She loved A Girl's Guide to Hunting and Fishing too! We just chatted all day.

TODD
Great.

SARAH
I just feel like I can be totally myself around her. The way I do with you, Todd. I don't think I've met anyone besides you I feel that way around. We just chat away -- the way you and I do -- used to.

TODD
Have you met her Dad?

JACK
Oh yeah. They came over for the ball game. I watched the game with George, and Mom and Meredith -- did whatever women do -- talked I guess.

TODD
Right.

JACK
He's quite a talker himself. Kind of like a woman. Talks on and on about nothing. Right in the middle of the game.

SARAH
They both loved your Dad. Well, everybody does.

TODD
I think I'm going to take a shower.

SARAH
Are you sure you don't want something else? I've got a great dinner planned. And tomorrow after we take you to the doctor, we're just going to eat all day. I tried to make everything perfect Todd. I tried. I really, really tried. And of course we'll have to run over to see Audrey at some point.

TODD
Um, I think I'll have a drink when I get out of the shower.

JACK
Beer?

TODD
Sure.

SARAH
I'll bring it in for you. Oh, well Jack, you bring it to him.

TODD
(Exiting) That's okay. I'll just wait till I get out. Thanks.

JACK
Oh, he just doesn't want me to see his pecker.

Todd shakes his head as he's walking out and almost turns around as he overhears but keeps going. Lights fade as parents banter:

SARAH
His tally wacker?

JACK
His chip off the ol' block.

SARAH
Well I hope it's more than a chip. Course I haven't seen it since he was -- since it was little bitty.

JACK
Well, if he's like me he's a grower not a shower. Ha hah!

SARAH
Jack Johnson!

JACK
Well?

SARAH
Doesn't grow as fast as it used to.

JACK
I haven't heard any complaints.

Etc.

Act I, Scene 4

Scene 4.

Todd enters Janice's apartment, which is very sparse -- minimal. They embrace.

JANICE
Hello.

TODD
Hi.

Todd walks passed Janice into the apartment.

TODD
God it's great to be out of there. My parents. I need a cigarette.

He lights one.

JANICE
I thought you quit.

TODD
I did, sort of. You want one?

JANICE
No, I quit, not sort of. How are you?

TODD
Okay, considering the last six hours.

JANICE
Well it's nice to see you too.

TODD
No, it's great to see you, of course. I'm sorry. (Beat) You're place looks great. It's so... sparse. God, our apartment is so cluttered.

JANICE
You don't own things; things own you.

TODD
Yeah.

JANICE
Will you have tea with me?

TODD
I was thinking we should go out for a drink.

JANICE
I don't drink these days. I have some organic teas.

TODD
Oh. Great. Sorry, I forgot. Maybe we can go out later. See some of the old crew.

JANICE
I've made black bread as well -- 100 percent wheat-free.

TODD
Oh, I'm stuffed from dinner.

JANICE
Come sit.

TODD
Thanks.

JANICE
How's your sister?

TODD
They say she's doing okay. I won't see her until tomorrow after my tests. My parents are already on my nerves.

JANICE
They're probably on edge because of Audrey.

TODD
I'm not so sure.

JANICE
I had your mother to tea.

TODD
You did?

JANICE
We didn't just talk about you, if that's what you're thinking. It wasn't all about you. I'll admit, I was afraid it would be. We had a nice chat over tea at the Cincinnatian. It's wonderfully old world, and they have the best scones even if it is a bit bourgie.

TODD
So what did you talk about?

JANICE
My work. Audrey's new house. Their new house in Florida. I gave her a book on Feng Shui to help her decorate.

TODD
That should come in handy. Well it sounds just fascinating.

JANICE
It was actually quite pleasant. (With a chuckle) Although she did assure me on our way out not to worry, that one day you would eventually marry me.

TODD
She what?

JANICE
And I know that's not necessarily true, but...

TODD
(Humorlessly) It's not.

JANICE
What?

TODD
I won't eventually marry you.

JANICE
(Defensively) I know that. Although I do think you may end up living with a woman when you're older.

TODD
I'm already thirty.

JANICE
But my point was going to be that although our conversation wasn't all about you, the last letter I received from you was. There wasn't a single thing about me or your feelings about me anywhere. It was all just...trivia.

TODD
Oh?

JANICE
I'm sorry, but I have to be honest. It bothered me. We've always poured our hearts out to each other on the page.

TODD
Well, I'm sorry. I guess I'm not that good at writing letters.

JANICE
You used to be.

TODD
Hmnn....

JANICE
I'm just not sure what's happening to you. I feel like I'm losing you -- and that's fine -- but I think you're losing your focus. I mean, since when do you love advertising?

TODD
I don't. I never said I loved it. I said I like where I've been working lately because they have an espresso machine in the kitchen. Is this some kind of interrogation?

JANICE
Why are you wasting your talent -- selling things people don't need or really want? It's perverse. You're raping the earth.

TODD
Oh my God. I'm not raping the earth. I have to pay rent. It's just occasional freelance, it's hardly selling out.

JANICE
Are you sure?

TODD
You work for the fucking government.

JANICE
Yes, but I'm not mixing my art with commerce. I keep my work completely separate -- I would never adulterate it.

TODD
I can't believe... Well, who's going to hire you as a performance artist anyway?

JANICE
That's not my concern.

TODD
Look, I'm a visual artist. I have skills -- I was trained to do things -- to make pictures. Plumbers plumb or whatever. I like getting paid to do what I do. I have time to do art on the side.

JANICE
I didn't know it was a hobby.

TODD
It's not.

JANICE
When was the last time you made art?

TODD
I'm working out some ideas.

JANICE
I want to see you fulfill your potential -- your destiny.

TODD
Jesus Janice.

JANICE
How much money do you really need?

TODD
New York is expensive.

JANICE
Well, just don't try to keep up with James.

TODD
Jon. Jonathan.

JANICE
Whatever. You're an artist. He doesn't understand -- he doesn't fully understand you. And I know how you get caught up in other people's lives. You're into that full-time routine.

TODD
No I'm not.

JANICE
You work and then go to dinner or drinks or clubs or whatever it is that people do, especially all those yuppie faggots in New York. Don't get caught up in all that.

TODD
Jonathan is actually very supportive. You don't even know him.

JANICE
I can read you. Look, I'm not against him, really, I just wish you had a project to look forward to, to nourish you. I'm sure it's better than when you were destroying Cincinnati and yourself with J.D., although...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start off like this. I didn't want to.

TODD
Um, yeah. God, I just wanted to talk about art for a minute. Something. Have an intelligent conversation. My God.

JANICE
I'm sorry. Really.

TODD
No, it's... I mean you're right -- in a way. I haven't been making art. I'm totally unfocused. It's making me crazy. Just give me some slack right now, okay? No, I'm glad you said it.

JANICE
No, no. I'm sorry. Let's start over. It's just that I care about you so much. I apologize. I tried to hold back. I really tried, but I just don't want to see you regret your choices later. I'm sorry. I should just let you be.

TODD
No, I just... I think the water's boiling.

Act I, Scene 5

Scene 5.

Late two nights later. Todd sits eating leftovers and drinking. His cell phone rings. It's Jonathan.

TODD
Oh hey. Oh thanks. It's -- not that well. No, that's actually great. They can use me. The hospital called this afternoon. I'm in. (Beat) I don't want you coming down. I know I did, but Jon... Jon I mention your name and they change the subject. I know, but this is not the time. Jon, they are not your family. I mean that they're very different from yours. I'm stressed about the procedure. Of course I want you here. Look. This is really... (Pause) I'll talk to Audrey about being the surrogate mother to your child if you agree not to come. I promise. The day after tomorrow. I swear. Listen, we can have them to New York and you can meet them on our turf. It'll be better. Trust me. I don't want you to come. She's doing okay. I think she just wants to get it over with. I hope they will. I think you guys would actually get along. I hear you. I really don't think it's a good idea. (Pause) Look, I've been seeing someone else, okay? I don't want you here. I've got to go.

Act I, Scene 6

Scene 6.

Todd and Audrey lie in hospital beds next to each other with a night table in between.

TODD
Hey. You awake?

AUDREY
I think so.

TODD
How you feeling?

AUDREY
Okay. I'm still here. Praise the Lord.

TODD
...

AUDREY
Hey, listen Todd, you're just the best. I can't believe... well you've just been an angel about this whole thing.

TODD
No big thing.

AUDREY
No, really. You've... well, I hope someday I can repay you for what you've done. God bless you sweetheart.

TODD
Thanks.

Pause.

TODD
So how are you doing?

AUDREY
Getting there.

TODD
Uh huh. Well, what else is up? You know.

AUDREY
Well, um, lots to do on the house.

TODD
Uh huh.

AUDREY
Hopefully I can get back to that soon. Al's store is doing really well. They expanded again.

TODD
Great.

AUDREY
We've been going to a new Church. Community of Christ Contemporary Christian Ministries.

TODD
No more Hyde Park Methodist?

AUDREY
Mom's not too happy about it.

TODD
I'm sure.

AUDREY
But it's great. They do a lot of community outreach. Their style of worship is really relaxed and full of joy and praise. They have these drama skits as part of the sermon -- you'd like that Todd.

TODD
You think?

AUDREY
And there's contemporary music. It's a real expressive, open style of worship.

TODD
Great.

AUDREY
Al loves his men's Bible study. I want to get more involved with my women's group when all this is over.

TODD
Uh huh.

AUDREY
The mission is to nurture disciples of Christ who can take the Good News to the bruised and broken hearted and to those enmeshed in sin and offer them love, hope, peace, and joy that can only be found in Jesus Christ.

TODD
(Overlapping) Okay Audrey. Okay.

AUDREY
Well you asked.

TODD
Well you sound a little brain washed.

AUDREY
Excuse me?

TODD
Whatever.

AUDREY
You know Todd, the wages of sin is death.

TODD
Shouldn't it be "the wages are?"

AUDREY
I shouldn't be so judgmental. That's what I'm learning. Sometimes I'm not very Christ-like. I'm sorry. I'm a bad person.

TODD
Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

AUDREY
Oh what would you know about it?

Pause.

AUDREY
So anyway, how are you? What's going on in the big city? Painted any masterpieces lately?

TODD
Well, not exactly. I've been working a lot -- day job. Stupid stuff. Working out some ideas.

AUDREY
Uh huh. And how's your -- your friend.

TODD
Oh, Jonathan. He's fine. You know, it's funny you should ask. He was, well he really wants to have kids someday. I don't even know if I'm into it, but he mentioned, I mean I know it's crazy. Well, I suppose it would be a way for you to pay me back for the kidney.

AUDREY
What?

TODD
Well, Jon was wondering -- I know you guys have your own family to think about, but if he inseminated you, then...

AUDREY
What?

TODD
Jon's been talking about it. He wants to find a woman to inseminate with or whatever, but I'm all for adoption. I mean, think of all the unwanted kids. Well, he just mentioned, if you carried his child the kid would have both of our genes.

AUDREY
Todd, I am a married woman.

TODD
I know lots of people...

AUDREY
I really don't think that's right -- twisting God's natural processes. That just can't be right. Artificial insemination? Do you really think that's in God's plan?

TODD
I really don't know.

AUDREY
Well, I don't think we're going to be able to anyway. I don't think I'll be able to.

TODD
To have kids?

AUDREY
Right.

TODD
For sure?

AUDREY
Well, not for sure. We're having some tests done. They think it might be related to the Lupus.

TODD
Oh God. Sorry.

AUDREY
I know. I didn't want to bother you with it all, but what can I say. You've put me in an awkward position.

TODD
Well... I'm sorry. I knew you wouldn't want to. I was just... talking.

AUDREY
I know the Lord must have His reasons. I feel like such a failure to Al, and Mom and Dad. Everyone. I feel like God's punishing me for the past.

TODD
Oh, come on. You know you miss the wild days of yore. I know I do.

AUDREY
I don't ... You mean when you were running around with that J.D.?

Beat.

TODD
I guess, partly.

AUDREY
Oh Todd, you're better off without him and you know it. Wasn't he a drug addict?

TODD
Whatever. Anyway, you're a lot more than a baby machine. (Pause) What about adoption?

AUDREY
We're going to look into it, but first we have to get these test results and everything.

TODD
Well, I guess Jon and I can relate -- we can't exactly have kids either (ha hah).

AUDREY
How can you equate that with what we're going through? I mean we're married. We're normal.

TODD
God Audrey.

AUDREY
Please don't take His name in vain. Not around me. This is hard enough. I'm tired. I just had surgery. You ask me this vulgar thing. Please. I'm sorry. I'm just, I don't understand.

TODD
What's the big deal?

AUDREY
Just, not now. Please.

TODD
Okay. Sorry.

Long pause.

AUDREY
How's being home?

TODD
Oh, you know, it's weird. Mom and Dad don't want to hear about Jonathan, but then Mom acts like she wants me to talk to her about my life, but that is my life -- I mean a big part of it.

AUDREY
Well, it's not like I have to talk about Al all the time.

TODD
No...

AUDREY
So you saw Janice last night?

TODD
Yeah.

AUDREY
She's such a good friend.

TODD
Yeah. I know. You know she reminds me of you, kind of. I mean, how we used to hang out some times.

AUDREY
Really?

TODD
Yeah.

AUDREY
Remember when we said we were never going to get married and how we were going to move to the woods together? And you were going to paint and I was going to... I don't know what I was going to do.

TODD
Throw pottery.

AUDREY
Oh yeah. You probably don't remember.

TODD
Of course I do. Hey, I'm not the one who got married.

AUDREY
Oh, I thought you were. I mean wanting to be parents and all.

TODD
I don't know about all that, really. Jonathan does. We're not exactly married yet -- or whatever.

AUDREY
Well, you sure have flown the coop.

TODD
What do you mean?

AUDREY
We live in totally different worlds -- you and me.

TODD
Yeah. (Beat) You know, you've changed too. I mean you haven't always been... the way you are now.

AUDREY
That's true.

TODD
I mean, when you got... born again and all that, I didn't, I don't think it's so weird or anything, I mean I see that you mean it. I know you're sincere about it. I just felt like I had lost my only ally, because all the sudden, when you went there, it was like I couldn't really talk to you anymore.

AUDREY
I guess we had to grow up sometime. (Pause)

AUDREY
Thanks again for everything.

TODD
Of course.

Todd looks at balloons on the bedside table between them. Reads the card.

TODD
Who's Karen?

AUDREY
(Brightly) Oh, my next-door neighbor. She's just great. We met at our Church's potluck for young marrieds. And then it turned out she lived next door. I felt silly. We had been living in the neighborhood for a month and we hadn't met the next-door neighbors. She's just great. They have two girls and she's talking about trying for a boy. She's great.

TODD
Great.

Al, Jack (with flowers), and Sarah walk in.

SARAH
Visiting hours have begun!

Jack sits next to Audrey and sets the flowers on the bedside table moving the balloons to the floor. Sarah sits next to Todd. Al floats trying to find his place.

JACK
Hey sweetheart, how are ya'?

AUDREY
I'm fine Daddy. Thanks for the flowers.

JACK
How's my little girl?

AUDREY
I'm okay.

JACK
What can I get you, sweetheart?

AUDREY
Oh, I'm fine, Dad. I don't need anything.

AL
Hey, honey. How you feeling?

AUDREY
Fine, everybody, I'm fine.

SARAH
And how's my sweet boy?

TODD
Great. Fine, really.

SARAH
My brave soldier who gave up his little kidney for his sister. Audrey, now don't you have the sweetest brother?

AUDREY
Yes, Mom.

JACK
Sweet is right.

AL
Todd, you feeling okay?

TODD
Feeling fine.

AL
Good, good.

JACK
Sweetie, you must be happy to not have that old tube stickin' in you anymore.

AUDREY
Oh yeah.

JACK
Doesn't she look pretty? Layin' here in her nightie? Doesn't she Al?

AL
Yes sir. She sure does.

SARAH
I think you've lost some weight Audrey. Don't you think so Al?

AL
Oh yeah, I think she has.

AUDREY
Thanks guys.

JACK
You want Daddy to get you a get-well Teddy?

AUDREY
I think we have plenty already.

JACK
Well, if you want one, you just say the word, sweetheart.

AUDREY
Okay.

JACK
Or anything else for that matter.

AUDREY
Okay, Dad.

AL
Everybody at church is praying for you sweetheart. I sent out an email to remind everyone.

AUDREY
Oh, you shouldn't have done that, Al.

SARAH
We had Reverend Whitacker make an announcement at Hyde Park last Sunday. So everyone in town knows about it. Everyone y'all grew up with. Ya'll should come pay your respects when Audrey feels up to it.

AL
We will.

AUDREY
CCCCM is great, you guys. You should be our guest one Sunday.

SARAH
We have a church, dear. Todd, you can come to church with us next Sunday.

TODD
I'm leaving Saturday.

SARAH
Oh. Well. We're going to get you out of this place this afternoon. And I've got your favorite dinner planned for tonight.

TODD
Great. We can sneak Audrey a plate.

SARAH
Oh no, she'll be off regular food for a while.

AL
I thought...

AUDREY
Todd, is Janice coming by?

TODD
If she can get off work early.

SARAH
Well, she better just come by the house because you're coming home with me. No reason for you to have to stay here. No second class hotels for us. You stay here and rest and I'll take care of everything. Be back in a flash.

TODD
Okay.

SARAH
Ya'll be okay while I'm gone?

AL
We'll be fine.

JACK
Oh, just go on, woman.

SARAH
Bye!

JACK
Don't worry sweetheart, we'll get you out of here before too long.

AL
That's right.

JACK
In the mean time, Daddy's going to take care of you.

AL
And me too.

TODD
Oh, Audrey, I saw Dean Bennette the other night. I dragged Janice to a bar and ran into him. He asked all about you.

AUDREY
Who?

TODD
Dean Bennette, you know, "Mean Dean"?

AUDREY
No.

TODD
You were friends at Ohio State. We went to boarding school together -- he was three years older than me, and then you were friends with him at State.

AUDREY
Oh, you know how people are -- people you weren't really that good of friends with just exaggerate. I'm sure that's what it was.

JACK
I'm sure that was it, sweetie.

TODD
(Bewildered) No, you used to talk about him -- we talked about him -- you would say, "Mean Dean says hi." You and him and Sandy and Phil used to hang out. (Pause) Anyway, he asked about you. He said that they never knew what happened to you after you left school. They never heard from you. (Pause) Anyway, I told them you got married to Al and everything.

AL
Great. Who's that, Audrey?

JACK
She doesn't feel good.

TODD
Are you okay?

AUDREY
Yeah, I'm just kind of out of it from the meds.

JACK
Why don't we let Audrey rest right now. She's tired.

TODD
No, but Audrey, come on. Dean Bennette.

JACK
You heard what I said, Todd. Let's go. Sweetie, you get some rest.

TODD
Am I authorized to leave yet?

JACK
Just get dressed and come on.

AUDREY
Thanks for coming, you guys. And Todd, you're the best.

TODD
No problem.

Todd goes to the bathroom to change out of the hospital robe.

JACK
Al, you ready?

AL
I'm going to stay for a minute.

JACK
What for?

AL
To spend a little time with Audrey.

AUDREY
Oh honey, you don't have to.

AL
I'd like to, sweetie.

JACK
Don't keep her too long. She's exhausted.

AL
I won't.

JACK
Bye sweetie.

(Jack kisses Audrey on the forehead.) Come on, Todd.

Jack and Todd leave.

AL
What was all that about?

AUDREY
Please, not now, Al.

AL
Okay honey. We can talk about it later.

Pause.

AL
You're going to be just fine. I just know it.

AUDREY
Did you schedule the fertility tests?

AL
Next week. But we can put it off. Until you feel up to it.

AUDREY
I'll be fine. I just want to get it over with.

AL
Okay. Whatever you want.

Pause.

AUDREY
Al, I'm sorry.

AL
For what honey?

AUDREY
For everything.

AL
Just rest, honey.

Act I, Scene 7

Scene 7.

Jack and Todd in the waiting room.

JACK
What the hell is the matter with you?

TODD
What?

JACK
Bringing up those jerks.

TODD
What are you talking about? I went to Trinity with Dean.

JACK
I'm real proud of Audrey.

TODD
Yeah, of course, I mean she's doing really well. But, don't you think it's sort of weird that she's blocked out this whole period of her life... or else is acting like she doesn't remember people she was good friends with?

JACK
I'm real proud of her: her marriage, their beautiful home. She's doing real well -- struggling with her illness. They're thinking about joining the club. All my friends just love 'em.

TODD
If you keep stuff buried, I just think it's going to surface sooner or later. It can't help to have all this repressed emotional baggage when you have health problems -- or even when you don't. I mean maybe even the illness has grown out of it.

JACK
Now don't give me any of that liberal garbage. We're Christians. We don't need that bull shit.

TODD
Look, I'm just saying that maybe she should be honest with herself.

JACK
Well, I'm real proud of her. She's really turned herself around. Got cleaned up. Quit drugs. Got her head straight. Learned respect. Unlike some people.

TODD
Look, I'm just worried...

JACK
Oh yeah, I'm sure you're real worried about us. That's why you spend so much time with us. Now that's enough.

TODD
Look, I'm just trying to help.

JACK
No you're not. You show up here throwing insults around. You think you're so smart. Well let me tell you something. I provide for my family. When I was your age I had two kids, a wife, a house, a business of my own, two cars. And you come down here driving around the neighborhood in those tight t-shirts, and you know you your mother is up for the Hyde Park Neighborhood Council.

TODD
I'm not...

JACK
Don't try to act like you give a shit. You've never been interested in this family. Moving off to New York. You could have had everything -- the business. You just move away. Live like a pauper. And you dare come here and insult your sister.

TODD
I wasn't ...

JACK
And she's doing great. What is the matter with you? Your mother thinks you hate her. And I know you don't like me and that's fine but at least show a little respect for the rest of the family.

TODD
I don't --

JACK
We can't even eat at the club you're such an embarrassment. My friends want to know why you don't play tennis. And you what? Everybody wants to tiptoe around the fact that you're queer.

TODD
(Overlapping) I don't...

JACK
I don't like it. I never liked it and I never will. You make me sick. I pray every minute of every day that you'll get over it. It's an illness and you can get over it. I wish you'd just quit it. Now let's just forget it.

Act I, Scene 8

Scene 8.

Todd stands near the door with his bags in the kitchen getting ready to go. Jack is at the table drinking coffee. He gets up at some point to join in "the goodbyes." Sarah is with Todd at the door.

SARAH
I'm glad you came to visit me.

TODD
Yeah, it was nice to see everyone.

SARAH
Have a safe trip back.

TODD
Yeah, you know, Jon was sorry he couldn't make it this time.

SARAH
Oh?

TODD
Yeah. He felt he should be here for me, but I knew you would all be totally traumatized. Especially you.

SARAH
Are you angry with us about something?

TODD
Well, you know, it's like, I mention his name and you just immediately change the subject.

SARAH
Well, what do you want me to do? I mean, there've been a few of them. Am I supposed to invite them all into my home?

TODD
This is obviously different.

SARAH
Is it? And besides, it's not like I have to talk about Dad all the time.

TODD
Yeah, well, I don't pretend he doesn't exist.

JACK
Your mother worked real hard to make this a nice visit for you.

TODD
I know. Look. I got to go.

SARAH
You know, if you're upset with us, why don't you just tell us?

TODD
Um.

Sarah reaches up to Todd and squeezes his shoulder looking into his eyes.

SARAH
You know, no one will ever love you as much as we do.

TODD
Yeah, well, I hope not. You know, don't. Just. I've got to go.

SARAH
It was just too short. Next time you'll have to stay longer.

TODD
No, I won't. I probably won't come at all. You know what? I'll come with Jonathan next time, or I won't come at all.

SARAH
Is this some kind of ultimatum?

TODD
Yes. I guess it is.

SARAH
Are you saying, are you saying that your love for us is conditional?

TODD
No, I'm not the one saying that. Or yes, I don't know. Don't turn this around.

SARAH
Are you saying... Let me ask you a question.

TODD
Okay.

SARAH
Who's more important to you, him or us?

TODD
Why are you asking me that?

SARAH
Well?

JACK
Your mother just wanted to make things nice for you. She made all your favorites.

SARAH
Are you saying it's us or him?

TODD
No, you are.

The sound of a car in the driveway.

TODD
There's Janice. I've got to go.

Todd exits.

Act I, Scene 9

Scene 9.

At the airport. Janice and Todd are standing by the curb. Todd has his bags.

TODD
Well, thanks for the ride.

JANICE
Wait. I want to talk to you.

TODD
Okay.

JANICE
I want to propose something to you. I hate to do it in the midst of this unfortunate Orwellian structure.

TODD
Baggage Claim and Ticketing?

JANICE
But I want to work together again. To collaborate.

TODD
Look, I don't know if that's such a good idea.

JANICE
Stop fighting me. You're always fighting me. I'm not trying to get anything from you. I don't expect anything. It's not like we're a couple. I know that. I know that you're... I'm not asking you to be anything you're not. I just want to help you become who you are -- as an artist. And I need your help with this project. It's about the work. I want to work together.

TODD
Well, that's going to be kind of difficult considering we live a thousand miles apart.

JANICE
I'm moving to New York.

TODD
You are? This is the first I've heard of this.

JANICE
Don't get the wrong idea. You are so full of yourself.

TODD
What? I didn't say anything.

JANICE
I know what you're thinking. But I've been thinking about it for a while -- moving. The only reason I haven't done it already is because I didn't want you to feel like I was following you. I knew you would think that.

TODD
It's a big city. I don't own it.

JANICE
I've decided I need to do it now for a number of reasons. This project I've been developing, it's calling out for a fresh environment. Something more severe. Something concrete and metal. And I want you to help me create it, in New York. If you choose to do so. I thought it was a solo piece but I think it's more of a duet.

TODD
Well, I'd like to hear about it.

JANICE
And I want you to know that if you ever feel the need to get away, to move out or just get away for a while, from Paul --

TODD
Jonathan.

JANICE
-- that you'd be welcome wherever I go. Of course that goes without saying. We'd be spending a lot of time together on the project.

TODD
Well, I'd still have to work.

JANICE
I got a grant. We won't have to work. I'll pay for everything.

TODD
Oh. Wow. That's great.

JANICE
So. I'll send you some materials describing the piece.

TODD
Great.

JANICE
And if you're interested you can start looking for the space. The best situation would be that we could live in the space while transforming it into the actual show. You'll see. So let me know. I need to get started and I have deadlines to meet per the grant.

TODD
Okay, well, great. It was great seeing you. And I'm glad you're coming to New York. I need a new project.

JANICE
I love you.

Act I, Scene 10

Scene 10.

Jonathan and Todd are at the table in their New York apartment.

JON
Why did you do it?

TODD
Oh my God. Jon. Please. It just seems like ancient history after all I've been through with my family.

JON
I'm not angry. I was. I know you've had a rough week. I've had time to process. We've talked about this. I just wish you would have told me. How long has it been going on? Trust is based on honesty.

TODD
It's not a big deal -- just sex. He's just a fuck buddy. Was. He's moved away. So it's history. Forget about it.

JON
You won't see him again?

TODD
No. It's over.

JON
Well, I got the impression -- I mean you said you were seeing someone.

TODD
Look, I was just exaggerating so you wouldn't come down. It's been over for a long time.

JON
Todd, how could you do that to me? I was very upset.

Todd goes over and rubs Jonathan.

TODD
I'm sorry. Really. Look, I'm really tired. It was just sex. We have an agreement. I mean, I am younger than you.

JON
I know. But you shouldn't have lied to me. You should have just told me that you weren't comfortable with my coming down.

TODD
I did.

JON
It may be no big deal now if you run off and sleep with someone. But our lives will be changing with the children, and then we really need to make a commitment to monogamy. And honesty. You told me you wanted to be open from the beginning, but things are changing. Somehow it just came as a shock, especially that it happened more than once. We need to think about what things will be like with the children. We need to consider what kind of example we'll be setting.

Todd breaks away.

TODD
Okay.

JON
So anyway, speaking of children, how was it? The family? The talks? How did Audrey respond?

TODD
Fabulously.

JON
Really? That's great. You need to have continuity in your life...

TODD
No, of course not really. It was like being in this cloud of paralyzing gas.

JON
Really, that bad?

TODD
They completely...They're just completely delusional, are not in touch with reality, at all, and don't seem to have any desire to touch it. They pretend you don't exist. If I mention your name my mother just changes the subject.

JON
And your Dad?

TODD
He says nothing. And they have no idea. They act like they're the happy-go-lucky perfect family. God forbid anyone says anything real. But you know what? Actually, there was this one moment when my Dad told me how much he hated the fact that I was gay and it was great.

JON
This was good?

TODD
Yes. It was like the only honest moment of the whole trip. I felt actual affection for him in that moment. There was that one small moment of him saying how much I disgust him -- and that was actually the best part of the trip.

JON
I think that's something you might want to explore, Todd. I mean listen to what you're saying. You're saying you take pleasure in being punished. That's kind of twisted.

TODD
No, I'm saying it was refreshing to hear something honest.

JON
Okay.

TODD
My God, it's like having a full-time fucking analyst.

JON
No, I'm not being an analyst, which is not what I am anyway -- I'm a therapist, I'm being your partner, your "boyfriend." I'm a human being too, okay? I have feelings too, not just you. You know I'm losing in this scenario, too. My parents are getting up there in years. There's no telling how long they'll be around. I want my kids to have grandparents.

TODD
Oh God.

JON
Well it's true. What about the way I feel? What did they say about me? What did they say about us having kids?

TODD
We didn't discuss it.

JON
You didn't discuss it?

TODD
No.

JON
Well why not? I thought that was the whole point of you going.

TODD
No, it was your point. The point was that my sister had an operation. She thought the idea of us having kids was an abomination. How do you like that?

JON
Well how did you present it?

TODD
Holy shit.

JON
And why didn't you address your parents about this issue?

TODD
Oh my God! They won't even respond when I say your name. You want me to talk to them about being the grandparents to our kids? I can't even afford my own studio and you think I'm ready to pay for kids. Adoption is expensive. So is the other stuff. Medical bills. I can't afford my own.

JON
We'll work all that out.

TODD
I don't know if I want to.

JON
What do you mean?

TODD
I mean this whole family track. I have my career to think about.

JON
Todd, when was the last time you painted?

TODD
That's what I'm saying. I never get a chance to around here.

JON
Oh, so it's my fault. I'm keeping you from painting.

TODD
Yes. It's this lifestyle.

JON
Being gay is keeping you from painting?

TODD
No! This whole relationship thing.

JON
Todd, I am not keeping you from anything. You have to take responsibility for yourself. For what you want.

TODD
You know, you're right.

JON
If you don't want kids right now that's fine. We can just stay free and easy and go sleep around and why don't you take up drugs again while you're at it?

TODD
Good idea.

JON
No really. And we can just party and have no attachments until we're old men, if we live that long, with nothing to show for anything except a list of sex partners longer than the phone book -- not to mention the list of diseases. That's what we should do.

TODD
Sounds good to me.

JON
You're serious.

TODD
Yes.

JON
I know you don't mean it. I know you're upset. I know it must have been disappointing to have your parents ignore your needs. At least we have the support of my parents.

TODD
Whatever. Look, I don't know if I can deal with this. Really.

JON
With what?

TODD
This. Us. Being in a relationship. Having to deal with you -- this family shit.

JON
Todd, don't turn me into them.

TODD
Just stop! Just shut the fuck up. I'm tired. I'm tired of this. Of apologizing, of being the bad guy all the time.

JON
This is good stuff. You're stripping away your defenses --

TODD
Oh my God.

JON
Just talk to me.

TODD
(Exasperated) Just do me a favor. Don't say anything right now. (Pause)

TODD
I'm. I'm going to move out.

JON
Todd, come on.

TODD
I just need to deal with myself.

JON
You're running away.

TODD
Whatever.

JON
Exactly. Okay. Look, we'll talk about this tomorrow, okay? You're tired. Don't be stupid.

TODD
I'm going to get a place with Janice.

JON
What?

TODD
She's moving to the city. I just need to get my head together. I need to focus on my work.

JON
Oh my God. This is crazy. Why didn't you tell me this? What is going on?

TODD
I just decided. She just decided. And I just decided now.

JON
Just now?

TODD
Yes.

JON
Why didn't you tell me you were thinking about this?

TODD
She only just mentioned it when I was home.

JON
Oh my God. You really. I can't believe this. You're recreating the negative dynamic of your maternal relationship with Janice.

TODD
Don't fucking analyze me.

JON
It's so obvious.

TODD
Well just because you're a man doesn't mean you're not like my mother.

JON
At least we have sex.

TODD
Look, this just isn't where my head is right now. I need space.

JON
And you think you're going to get it from that psycho?

TODD
I don't know. I just know that's what feels right. I'll stay with Joel until we get settled.

JON
I can't believe you.

TODD
I'm not built for relationships.

JON
You. I've done everything right. This isn't fair. You sleep around. I forgive you. Now Janice. What is with you?

TODD
No. You know what it is? You are not even capable of really hearing me, of understanding. You're not able to appreciate me for who I am -- I'm an artist. I need space.

JON
Wow. No. I've been a doormat. That's my mistake. What about the children?

TODD
We don't have children. And I don't want any!

JON
Why haven't you ever told me that?

TODD
Why haven't you noticed?

Pause.

JON
What is this Janice going to give you that I can't?

TODD
Janice understands... about art. She understands me -- where I'm coming from.

JON
Oh, grow up. You have such an aggrandized view. And this Janice is going to -- what -- she'll feed your delusions of grandeur...

TODD
What?

JON
You can live some sexless --

TODD
We've had sex. What delusions?

JON
What? When you were there?

TODD
It doesn't matter. I mean, it's not that we're like a couple. I, I guess that's the point really. Not being a couple. I need to be alone. Creativity begins in solitude.

JON
Yeah, living some isolated, demented fantasy that no one understands you. That's the point, right? Wow, what geniuses you are. I can't believe you had sex with her.

TODD
You're the delusional one. The all-knowing therapist. What a joke. You can't even see what's in front of you. I never even wanted kids.

JON
Then why were you here? What did you want? What were we doing all this time?

TODD
I was fucking you and you paid the rent. That's what this was.

Pause.

JON
You know what? I want you out. You aren't ready to have a real family. I wonder if you ever will. And how stable a co-father would you make, really?

TODD
Oh damn. Miss out on that wonderful state of existence. You know what? I always thought the best part of being gay is that you get out of having a family or getting drafted. And now all you brilliant, politically correct dorks want to fuck that up.

JON
I feel sorry for you. You are completely incapable of experiencing love.

TODD
Fuck off.

JON
Why are you going to her? I want to know.

TODD
I'm just going.

Todd starts walking out.

JON
You owe me -- at least this. Tell me why?

TODD
Because, I don't know, at least Janice...I don't know.

JON
At least Janice what?

TODD
I don't know.

JON
Come on.

TODD
Because, because at least Janice isn't like this, she isn't this. Because with you I go to bed angry and I don't know why. Because I don't want to be forced into some lifestyle. Some idea of a life. Making money and taking vacations. I can't do it.

JON
You mean being an adult? Growing older. Admitting that you're just one in a million other people living out their lives in a fucked up world? Having to work for a living like everybody else? Admitting you're not Picasso or Matisse? Being a regular run-of-the-mill guy living a decent life with friends and family, working a decent job and going on vacations as opposed to the glamour of living in squalor and complaining that everyone else is an idiot besides you?

TODD
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Todd walks out.

JON
(Yelling) I know what you're doing. No one is going to save you. There's no one out there who's going to save you!

End of Act I.

Act II, Scene 1

Act II

Scene 1.

Janice and Todd walk about an empty, raw space -- a loft in South Williamsburg. Perhaps the stage is stripped of everything but a tea kettle and cups.

JANICE
I love the space.

TODD
It's not that cheap.

JANICE
It's in the budget. We can do it.

TODD
I just want to start all over again.

JANICE
I think you have.

TODD
I feel ... free.

JANICE
We are.

TODD
I'm so excited to be working on a project -- you know -- I care about.

JANICE
I know you are.

TODD
Do you think... you're not much like my mother, right?

JANICE
I hardly think so. Why do you ask?

TODD
Oh, it's just, Jon and I were having this discussion...never mind. It doesn't matter.

JANICE
I'm sure.

TODD
But I'm glad you're not. Like my mother.

JANICE
Okay. I love this space. I'm just aching to get started.

TODD
Did you get the sketches I sent?

JANICE
Oh yes. It's going to be a magical process. I love your designs for the space. The only thing is -- I realize that the walls roll and can and should be moved about the space -- but why the separate bedrooms?

TODD
I just thought. I mean I assumed that we would want some privacy.

JANICE
For what?

TODD
For sleeping. I don't know. I mean. You know. Creativity begins in solitude.

JANICE
No. You see that is part of the process. That is at the heart of this piece. Don't you understand? What?

TODD
Well, it's kind of strange. I didn't know...

JANICE
Oh come on. It's not like I'm waiting to jump your bones. You are so full of yourself.

TODD
What?

JANICE
I'm not interested in having sexual intercourse with you. What happened was a long time ago. When you stayed with me in Cinci nothing happened. Just a massage. See? You're safe.

TODD
I'm not worried, I just...

JANICE
You've agreed to be a part of this project. I thought you understood what it would entail. It's about two people and a space and change -- growth. I thought you were interested.

TODD
I am, look, this is crazy, we'll work it out. We've only just begun.

JANICE
I know we will. You're a genius. My genius.

Beat.

TODD
I've got to go pick up some final things from Jon's.

JANICE
Well don't get carried away. We don't want too much clutter. The idea is freedom and impermanence.

TODD
I know.

JANICE
Do you want me to go with?

TODD
No. I think that might be a little awkward.

JANICE
Why? Is he jealous? Did I steal his man away?

TODD
Well, I know it seems ridiculous. But I think he does actually see it that way to a degree.

JANICE
How silly. Well, he's not exactly a great mind, is he?

TODD
Janice, take it easy, okay?

JANICE
Oh I know you were fond of him. And why not? He's nice enough. He just doesn't understand you like I do. He can't help himself.

TODD
Alright, well, I'll be back in a couple of hours.

JANICE
I'll make dinner.

TODD
Actually, I was going to have some dinner with Jon.

JANICE
Oh?

TODD
Yeah, you know, have some closure. All that.

JANICE
Okay, but don't take too long. And don't let him talk you into anything.

TODD
Yeah, okay.

JANICE
Come here.

She embraces him.

JANICE
I don't want to have sex with you. I love you, but that's not what this is about. This is about something much deeper. The work.

TODD
I know.

JANICE
Go tie things up with your old lover.

TODD
See you later.

JANICE
Just remember, no one will ever understand you the way I do.

Act II, Scene 2

Scene 2.

Jonathan's apartment. Audrey stands at the entrance. Jonathan has just opened the door.

AUDREY
Hi.

JONATHAN
Can I help you?

AUDREY
Um. Is Todd? I'm sorry, I'm Audrey, Todd's sister.

JON
Oh of course. Right.

AUDREY
Um. I'm sorry to just barge in. Is he here?

JON
Actually, no. He does not reside here anymore.

AUDREY
He doesn't?

JON
No.

AUDREY
Oh.

She sets her bags down.

JON
Well, come in. Sit down. You look -- you look like you could use a rest.

AUDREY
I could. Thanks.

They sit down.

JON
Would you like something? Water, tea, juice?

AUDREY
Oh no, I'm fine, thank you. Um, so, where is Todd? Why...?

JON
We broke up.

AUDREY
Oh. I didn't... Oh God.

JON
Yeah.

AUDREY
He didn't say anything.

JON
Have you spoken with him?

AUDREY
Um. No. Not since. I had surgery...

JON
Right. Yes well, he left shortly after that.

AUDREY
Oh. Well, I just... It was all really rash. I just up and came here and I just assumed he'd be at the same address. I should have called but... I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. I needed to see Todd and it was completely last minute.

JON
It's okay.

AUDREY
Gosh I'm sorry. Do you have wine? Oh my gosh. I'm sorry. I mean, I'm sorry about Todd. About you and Todd. About the -- split up. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything about the wine. I don't mean to ask, to intrude. I'm sorry, I'm very, I'm very upset and ... I'll get out of your way.

JON
No, sit for a minute. You need to. Just take a breather.

AUDREY
Thanks. I feel like such an idiot. I didn't even know about you and Todd. Close family, huh? You must think we're awful.

JON
I've heard about much worse, believe me.

AUDREY
Oh, that's right, you're a... I'm awfully sorry about you and Todd.

JON
Well thanks. Merlot or Chardonnay?

Act II, Scene 3

Scene 3.

Two hours later. They've been drinking and talking. "Bonding."

AUDREY
And I just suddenly realized that I couldn't go on. I couldn't. I mean I love Al. He's great. But there I was in the house and I know it's wrong...

JON
It's okay.

AUDREY
No it's awful. But I just. I couldn't breathe any more. I felt like I would die if I stayed. I know that's a bit dramatic -- I guess I get it from my mother, but really. But there I was in the house and -- the truth is -- I was... I'm love with my next-door neighbor. (She bursts into tears.)

JON
Oh. It's okay, come here. (He holds her.) Did, did you tell him? Does he know this?

AUDREY
Al? No! I couldn't tell him. He'd die!

JON
No, your neighbor.

AUDREY
No. I mean yes. I mean she. Not Dan. Karen. I'm in love with...her. (She bawls again.)

JON
Oh. (Beat) It's okay. Come here.

AUDREY
She knows. She knows. I don't know who else knows.

JON
Shshshsh.

AUDREY
Last night. Dan was out of town on business and Al had men's Bible study, so I went over to Kar's for dinner. Karen.

JON
Uh huh.

AUDREY
And well. She's been a little out of sorts because her oldest daughter Lindy didn't get into Cinci Country Day -- it's the best preschool in Cincinnati -- and I haven't had a drop of alcohol in months since the surgery and before, and we opened a bottle of Mondavi Reserve and the next thing you know she's crying and I'm telling her about home schooling and Montessori and I start crying telling her about what a good friend she's been and how good all the bratwurst and strudel were that she brought over while I was recovering and how she's a perfect wife and mother and the next thing you know I'm laying a sloppy French kiss right on her, oh my God.

JON
And how did she react?

AUDREY
She got real stiff in her chair and wiped her mouth. Suddenly we weren't tipsy at all. And she politely asked me to leave. (She bawls again.)

JON
Oh, honey, come here.

AUDREY
I went to bed early and slept as long as I could. When I got up today, Al had already left for work. I didn't know what to do. What if she told Dan? What if Dan tells Al? I didn't know what to do and still all I could think about was Karen. (She bawls again.)

AUDREY
And then I thought of you guys. And I knew I had to get out. I booked a ticket on expedia.com for only $110 and packed my bag. I called a car. And then I just walked out. Like Nora in "A Doll's House."

JON
That Todd Solondz film?

AUDREY
Who?

JON
Speaking of Todd, do you want to call your brother? You know, you're welcome to stay here tonight if you want -- if you don't feel like traveling to the outer boroughs. I don't know how comfortable you're going to be over there anyway. Janice, well...

AUDREY
She's a little strange! I agree. Oh my gosh did I say that? And I would -- love to stay.

JON
I'll get the number so you can call.

AUDREY
That can wait. Have you had dinner?

JON
No. Let's order something in. I don't feel like going out and you must be beat.

AUDREY
Great.

Jon gets out a folder full of menus.

JON
Audrey, have you ever thought about talking to someone?

AUDREY
What do you mean?

JON
Getting into therapy?

AUDREY
Well, sort of. I know Todd did some. And you're one, right?

JON
That's right. I think you would be an excellent candidate.

AUDREY
Oh, thank you. And I feel like I can really talk to you. It's easy with you. When can we start?

JON
Oh, I couldn't be your therapist, but I can refer you to someone.

AUDREY
Why not?

JON
Well, that would be a pretty major conflict of interest, don't you think?

AUDREY
But you're not Todd's therapist, right?

JON
Right...

AUDREY
And you already know so much about me -- about my family history because of Todd and, and I really like you! I feel like we can really talk.

JON
Well I like you too Audrey, but trust me, we'll get you someone good. And we can still be friends, okay?

AUDREY
Okay, I'm starving!

JON
Did you mention wanting to have children?

Act II, Scene 4

Scene 4.

Dawn. Todd stumbles into "the space" bumping around getting water and aspirin. After a few moments, Janice comes in.

JANICE
Good morning.

TODD
Hi.

JANICE
You smell like cigarettes.

TODD
I went out.

JANICE
No kidding.

Todd stands drinking soymilk out of the container. They look at each other.

JANICE
We have work to do today.

TODD
It's Saturday.

JANICE
Well, this isn't an ad agency.

TODD
And you're not my boss.

JANICE
Right now, I would say I am, considering it's my grant money we're living on.

TODD
Oh, I thought you said it was ours now.

JANICE
It is -- so that we can work. Not so you can go out and spend money drinking in a bar and having sex with some random guy.

TODD
I didn't pay. I don't pay for sex -- usually. I didn't last night.

JANICE
That's not what I meant. You've paid for sex? Well, the point is it looks like you bought a few drinks if nothing else. I'd be afraid to ask. I've been up all night imagining the worst. I guess I should have known. Why didn't you answer your cell phone?

JON
Because. The battery. Died.

JANICE
And now we've lost a day of work because you'll be too fucked up to do anything.

TODD
Actually I'm feeling quite refreshed. After a few hours sleep I'll be raring to go. Amazing how sex does that. You should try it again sometime.

JANICE
Fuck you. I don't throw my body around like some piece of trash.

TODD
Okay. Okay. Whoa. I did not sign up for this. I went out one fucking night to blow off steam and you're acting like the jealous wife. This part of the equation is supposed to be gone -- subtracted. Back off. Some people have sex. It's perfectly legal.

JANICE
Paying for it isn't. Why would you pay for it?

TODD
I said I didn't.

AUDREY
But you have before?

Todd pulls his keys and wallet out of his pockets to leave on the counter and a couple of condoms and coke vials drop out.

JANICE
You are unbelievable. This isn't about... We can't afford... A whole day...

TODD
I'll be fine.

JANICE
You're out spending our money...

TODD
It wasn't out of our budget. I took money out of my savings, okay?

JANICE
You have a serious problem. I thought you were saving up for travel. You're not twenty anymore. When are you going to grow up?

TODD
God damn it! Just back off.

JANICE
I just hate seeing you throw yourself away. Why would you want to sleep with someone you don't even know?

TODD
I'm going to bed.

Todd exits.

JANICE
Your mother called last night. She said your sister is missing.

TODD
What?

Act II, Scene 5

Scene 5.

Days later. Jon's apartment. Jon opens the door and Al is standing there with a travel bag over his shoulder. They don't know each other.

JON
Hi.

AL
Hi. My name is Al.

JON
I'm glad you're here. I know you're new, but the thing is you have to wait in the hall until the time of your appointment because I can't be interrupted while I'm with other patients. You can wait here or in the lobby. I appreciate it.

AL
Um, is Todd here?

JON
What? No. He, he doesn't live here now. Are you my twelve o'clock?

AL
No. I'm sorry for the confusion. My name is Albert Goodman. I'm Todd's brother-in-law, and I know this probably sounds crazy, but I'm looking for my wife.

JON
Actually it doesn't sound crazy, and I may be able to help you, but you are going to have to wait downstairs because I am with a patient at the moment.

AL
Listen, I know you don't know me from Adam, but I am dying to use the men's room. Could I please quietly use the facilities?

JON
Okay, look, it's straight across on the left. You can just wait here in the kitchen when you're through. I can't come back out to lock the door. So you can use it, but you'll have to wait ten minutes until I'm finished. And please be quiet. And when my patient comes out to leave, just act like you're my next appointment.

AL
(Whispering) I'll try to look depressed.

JON
That's really not necessary. Just follow me and I'll point you to the door.

Jon locks the door. Jon goes to the other room. Al goes to the toilet. Audrey walks in with grocery bags after unlocking the door. She puts the keys down on the counter and starts putting away the groceries. Al walks back in. He stares at Audrey from behind as she puts stuff away. Eventually she turns around, sees Al, and screams.

AUDREY
Aaaaaaaaaah!

AL
(Al screams in response) Aaaaaaaaaa!

AUDREY
What are you doing here?

AL
What are you doing here?

AUDREY
You scared me!

AL
You scared me!

Audrey runs into Al's arms.

AL
I've been so worried about you.

AUDREY
I've been worried about you, too.

AL
Where have you been? I've been searching the country and all of its hospitals and police stations for a week.

Jon rushes into the room.

JON
What is going on in here? Audrey. Why are you back?

AUDREY
The museum's closed on Monday. I'm sorry, I was trying to be quiet. I bought some groceries to make you dinner.

JON
My patient is freaking out. This is not good. This is really not okay. I see that you two are having a surprise reunion and I'm sure that's very taxing, but I am angry right now.

AL
Listen, I apologize. We're totally out of line here. Audrey and I'll go out for coffee. We have a lot to discuss, I imagine. What do you say?

AUDREY
Sure. Okay.

JON
Just be quiet.

AUDREY
Sorry Jon.

Audrey gets her keys from the counter.

AL
You've got keys?

They exit. Jon watches them go.

Act II, Scene 6

Scene 6.

Al and Audrey in a coffee shop.

AUDREY
She told you? You must all be so disgusted.

AL
No. Audrey, no. First of all, the only reason Karen said anything was because I was insane trying to find you. I went over there at midnight the first night to find out if they had seen you. And she didn't tell me then because she didn't even put it together. It was days later that it occurred to her that what you -- what happened that night might have something to do with you going missing. She knew you were drunk and had been under stress. And even then we didn't really know if it had anything to do with anything. We thought you had been abducted or worse. Is that why you ran away, because you thought we would all think you were disgusting for kissing Karen?

AUDREY
Well, sort of.

AL
But Audrey, what's the big deal? You caught a buzz and did something silly. So what?

AUDREY
But you don't understand.

AL
Then tell me.

AUDREY
How can I?

AL
Audrey, please. I've been searching for you. I came all the way here. You know I love you. Whatever it is -- I can deal with it, okay? We can pray about it.

AUDREY
Promise?

AL
Yes, of course...I promise.

AUDREY
Well, okay. Here goes. Well, how can I say this? It wasn't just because I was drunk -- what I did.

AL
Okay.

AUDREY
I'm in love with Karen.

Pause.

AL
Okay.

Pause.

AUDREY
See?

AL
I said okay. (Beat) How long have you ... felt this way?

AUDREY
Oh Al, I just don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what I've done. And I don't know what to do.

AL
It's okay honey. It's okay. You've been brave, sweetheart. That's what you've done.

AUDREY
I don't know what to say to the Lord. How to pray about this. Or even if I believe in all that anymore. Everything's crashing in.

AL
Everything's going to be okay.

AUDREY
How do you know? It's like this big black cloud. I can't get out. And then with everything that's going on in the world, who cares? We're all going to die.

AL
Audrey, hey, listen. It's okay. You're upset.

AUDREY
I have to breathe. I have to breathe.

AL
You can do it. Just talk to me, okay? And the Lord. And I'm sure He'll work everything out. You must have been so scared. (Oh, baby.)

AUDREY
How can you be so understanding?

AL
I love you Audrey. I wish you had talked to me about it. I don't know. I guess I can understand. Maybe we could have worked it out together. Prayed about it together.

AUDREY
Mom and Dad are going to flip out.

AL
Probably. It's okay. I just wish you would have talked to me about it. We could have talked.

AUDREY
Oh come on.

AL
Why not?

AUDREY
What was I going to say? Al, honey, I think I'm a lesbo?

Beat.

AL
So you thought you could talk to Todd about it, is that it?

AUDREY
I guess. I don't really know what I was thinking.

AL
So what did he say? Was he surprised?

AUDREY
He doesn't know.

AL
What do you mean?

AUDREY
I still haven't talked to him. I showed up at Jon's. He's been so sweet. I thought Todd still lived there.

AL
He doesn't?

AUDREY
They broke up.

AL
Oh, I think Jon mentioned...

AUDREY
And we started talking, me and Jon, and then. I don't know. It was so easy talking to Jon. Then he got me to see his friend -- a psychotherapist. I just haven't really felt like talking to Todd yet -- I don't know why. It's just all so much. And now that I've been here staying with Jon, I'll have some explaining to do. I mean they broke up. It might be weird. I just can't handle Todd on top of everything else.

AL
Hold on. My head is spinning a little here. It's okay. It's just a lot to take in. You're seeing a shrink?

AUDREY
Four sessions in a week.

AL
Jeez, the guy must be making a killing. But that's great -- that you're doing that. And Jon? He doesn't mind you're staying there even though Todd's gone?

AUDREY
I don't think so. I mean I keep asking him to make sure. He almost seems to like it. I'm trying to help around the house and buy groceries. We get along fine. I've been taking money out of our account.

AL
How do you think I figured out you were here?

AUDREY
Oh yeah. (Beat) I'm glad you're here.

AL
I'm glad you're okay.

AUDREY
But Al. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how I'm going to live, but I don't know if I'm coming back. I want to stay right now. I like the doctor or whatever he is. I'm not saying our marriage is over. I just don't know. I'm sorry.

AL
It's okay baby. We'll ask the Lord for help.

Long pause.

AL
Audrey, can I ask you something?

AUDREY
After what I've said? I'm pretty sure you're allowed to say anything you want.

AL
Now, I'm just curious for myself. I don't mean anything bad about you. I just -- I'm wondering about something. Don't get mad.

AUDREY
Well what?

AL
Do you think we...do we have... make love good? I mean, do you enjoy it?

AUDREY
Of course Al. Gosh. I mean, well, sometimes. Of course I enjoyed it because I love you.

AL
But?

AUDREY
Well, it just seems like it shouldn't be so much work, that's all. It shouldn't be that hard. It wasn't always work. That's not what I'm saying, but sometimes, often I guess, it was work -- like we were trying really hard.

AL
The way you talk about it makes it sound like it's all in the past. (Pause) But I know what you mean.

AUDREY
I mean maybe that means I am a... a lesbian. And that's why it was the way it was. It was my fault. I'm sure it was. I didn't bring the right spirit to it. I made it bad. I don't know.

AL
No, Audrey, it's not your fault. It takes two to tango, right?

AUDREY
But that's what I'm saying. Maybe I wasn't that moved by the dance. I wasn't a good partner.

AL
Well, it's not about blame here, Audrey.

AUDREY
I'm so sorry Al.

AL
It's not your fault. I never. You were the first. Our wedding night. I don't have much experience. I always said it was for God. No premarital sex.

AUDREY
I know. I loved you for that.

AL
But I don't know, maybe it was just an excuse.

AUDREY
For what?

AL
Maybe I was just scared.

AUDREY
Oh, Al, everybody is. And guys lie about it.

AL
I know -- in high school. But even in college. I think maybe I just didn't really want to.

AUDREY
What are you saying?

AL
I don't know.

AUDREY
You didn't want to with me either?

AL
No, of course I did. I'm just saying. I don't know. Maybe I didn't want it enough.

Act II, Scene 7

Scene 7.

Todd and Janice are having tea in their space.

TODD
It's totally weird. She was just missing. I mean I figured it was just my mother being dramatic, but then when I talked to Al, he was freaking out. Now my mother says that Al left a message saying everything is okay but didn't say where they are. It's all very mysterious and intriguing.

JANICE
Do you ever actually just care about someone and feel concern for them without finding it interesting and intriguing?

TODD
Of course. You know I was worried about her, but now I know she's okay. So now it's interesting and intriguing.

JANICE
But you don't know what's going on with her. She may be in turmoil. She probably is. I'm sure of it. It's like you don't even care. It could be anything.

TODD
Exactly. Thus interesting and intriguing.

JANICE
Right. Well, now you have no more excuses for not working. The opening is scheduled for two weeks from tomorrow.

TODD
I thought you didn't believe in openings anyway. We're "showing where we are in this process."

JANICE
The grant people want to see something. They're not paying for us to flit about. We're supposed to be working artists.

TODD
We are.

JANICE
I am.

TODD
(Mockingly) I thought life and change were the piece.

JANICE
With a physical reaction -- expression. There hasn't been much transformation of the space physically on your end. Besides, it's supposed to be about growth not decay.

TODD
Why? Growth and decay are intertwined. You can't have one without the other. Besides, who cares about the grant people? I thought you didn't mix art and commerce.

JANICE
This is art not advertising. And if you want to live as an artist you'd better care about grant people.

TODD
It's going to be great. With everything that's going on, I really want to pour myself into the project for the next couple of weeks.

JANICE
That's music to my ears.

TODD
But I'm serious about the growth/decay thing. I think it should be both -- not just growth. I really need to work.

JANICE
I'm glad to hear it. You know we could go on from here. We don't have to stop after this project. I'm looking into a workshop in Germany and how to get money to go.

TODD
Well aren't you just little Miss commerce these days?

JANICE
I don't think of grants as commerce. You don't have to sell anything.

TODD
Just yourself. Look, I'm all for it. I think it's great. I would never have the organization to get all these grants.

JANICE
Is that why you like me -- for my grant money?

TODD
Well, partly. But I also find you interesting and intriguing.

Act II, Scene 8

Scene 8.

Days later. Jon, Al and Audrey have been playing Scrabble and drinking beer. Dirty dishes sit in the sink and on the counter.

AL
That damn Q. She wins with that one every time. I should have known!

AUDREY
You're just mad because I always win.

AL
She does.

AUDREY
Jon, what time is your first appointment?

JON
7 AM.

AL
Ouch. People like to complain early! Just kidding.

AUDREY
Well, I'll get up early and clean up. I'm just too pooped tonight.

JON
Don't worry about it.

AL
I'll do it. I could do something around here to help for a change. Audrey can be your personal chef, and I'll be your maid.

JON
That's really not necessary.

AL
It's the least we can do -- shacking up in your house every night.

JON
It's my pleasure.

AUDREY
Well Al, do what you want. If you don't get to it, I'll do it first thing in the morning.

AL
Okay.

AUDREY
Goodnight guys. I'm going to bed -- couch.

JON
Goodnight doll.

Kiss on the cheek.

AL
Goodnight sweet.

They hug. Audrey exits. Jon and Al sit there for a moment wondering what to do next.

AL
I should let you get to bed. You've got an early day.

JON
I'm wide awake though. You want another beer?

AL
If you do. I don't want to keep you up.

JON
Not at all.

AL
I should make some calls tomorrow. Make sure everything at the store is in order. Thanks so much for putting us up. For helping out Audrey. It's all been so bonkers.

JON
You know Al, you've been really great about this whole thing. I can't believe it. I mean it's almost kind of strange.

AL
Thanks.

JON
No, I mean it though. You've been amazing.

AL
I just want Audrey to be happy, really. I mean it all came as a terrible shock. But when she disappeared, all the things that went through my head were so ugly and painful. I mean if something had happened to her, if she had been in real pain -- physical danger, I just don't know how I could have dealt with that. And don't get me wrong, this is tough, but she's going to be okay. I just know it. I mean maybe not for us -- for our marriage, but she'll be okay one way or another. And for that I'm just so grateful.

JON
Wow. Al, you are really a great guy.

AL
Hey, well listen. You're the one who coached her when she showed up at your door. You took her in.

JON
Well, I'm glad I could help.

AL
It's weird. It was all such a shock at first. I mean at first when Karen told me she kissed her I didn't even flinch. I mean, big deal, she got drunk and kissed the neighbor. But when I heard her say she thought it could be more than that -- that she thought she might be, you know, gay or lesbian -- no offense but I was pretty blown away.

JON
I'm sure you were.

AL
I mean since I've known Audrey, she's always been straight laced. I found out after we'd been dating a while that she'd had a pretty wild heyday back in high school and college, but since I've known her she's been a good, Christian girl.

JON
She had a -- conversion.

AL
Right. She was born again.

JON
That's all a little foreign to me.

AL
Yeah, everybody up here is Catholic, right? I mean the Christians.

JON
Mostly, I think. I didn't realize there was such a big difference.

AL
Oh yeah. When we moved to Cincinnati, my Dad told me Catholics thought they could do whatever they wanted all week -- sin -- and then go to confession on Sundays. I thought that sounded pretty good!

JON
Were you born again?

AL
Yeah, well, I was always going to church. I always believed in it, so I guess I didn't have a big change -- a big conversion. Mom quilted this pillow that said, "Bloom where you are planted." I guess that's me!

JON
A family man.

AL
Oh yeah, I love my family -- always have.

JON
Me too!

AL
When we moved to Ohio from Georgia we banded even closer. 'Cause of the foreign soil I guess. Me and my brother and sister, kids at school teased us 'cause they thought we had an accent. So we just stuck together. I love my folks, too.

JON
But that's what's so remarkable about your reaction to Audrey. You don't seem that phased.

AL
No, come on, I'm phased. You didn't see me crying on the sidewalk when I first realized my marriage could be over. I guess I just really wanted to take care of Audrey more than anything. And in some way, as weird as it sounds -- after the initial shock and in a certain light, it doesn't seem all that big of a surprise. I mean somehow it makes sense.

JON
Very interesting.

AL
I have this theory, and I might be wrong -- it sure wouldn't be the first time, but I think, in a certain way, we all know everything really, before we even say it. If we really listen -- you know -- really listen to each other -- and to God. Do you know what I mean?

JON
I think so.

AL
And Audrey. I think we're together for a reason. And I think if God made her the way she is then it must be for a reason.

JON
Yeah?

AL
Absolutely. So who am I to question it? Why did God not let us have a baby?

JON
You mean because Audrey can't?

AL
No, she can -- she maybe can. We thought she couldn't because she has Lupus. But she may be able to. We had some tests done and it turns out I'm the damaged goods.

JON
Oh Al, I'm so sorry.

AL
Yeah, me too. But I believe God has His reasons. Maybe because God knew this would happen. Maybe we didn't do it or Audrey couldn't do it or I couldn't do it because we knew this was going to happen. Maybe there's some lost child in the world he wants Audrey to adopt or both of us or just me when the time is right since we can't have one. Maybe God's got it all worked out.

JON
You think?

AL
I don't know, but I sure hope so. I just want my own family some day.

JON
You will. God, you are so great. How's that beer? You ready for another.

AL
Okay, in a minute -- I'll be done in a sec. Guess I needed to blow off some steam. I mean I can understand how Audrey feels, you know?

JON
No, I don't know. What do you mean?

AL
Well, growing up. You know, you have all kinds of feelings. Sex. God, who knows? I was always pretty freaked by it myself. Never wanted to brag about it like other guys. I just knew I loved my family and wanted my own.

JON
Uh huh.

AL
I mean, I played sports, hunted, all that.

JON
I heard.

AL
And I loved hanging out with my buddies. And I knew I got turned on.

JON
You did?

AL
Sure, I mean, guys I grew up with -- messed around out in the woods -- kind of. I guess it's normal, right? When you're a kid. I mean you're the expert.

JON
Oh, absolutely.

AL
And when we got to high school guys all started dating and carrying on about it and I knew I wasn't feeling the same things, but ... I mean I was and I wasn't. I mean I like women. I mean, I can be interested. I love Audrey. I love being with her. She's a good person. And I was brought up as a Christian.

JON
I was brought up Jewish.

AL
That's different.

JON
Actually it's not. I mean not in the sense of being gay and being told that it's wrong. There's a verse in the Torah -- Leviticus I think...

AL
The Old Testament.

JON
Right. About homosexuals being put to death -- that they should be stoned to death. And granted most Jews today wouldn't subscribe to that point of view, but still, not all Jews are liberal. Believe me. Especially about their own families. My family has been great. But I have several patients whose families sat Shiva -- pronounced them dead -- after they came out.

AL
Oh gosh Jon, that's awful.

JON
It is.

AL
The thing is, too, I always wanted a family. I still do. I wouldn't ever want to give that up. Now things are different I guess, since I can't.

JON
So do I! I want a family too. I'm so done with going out. Cruising guys. Dating. God.

AL
Uh huh.

JON
I was never that interested anyway. I feel like a regular ol' guy who happens to be gay. But I feel like one of the few -- the normal ones. Al, I don't want to push you into talking about something you're not comfortable with, but are saying you're homosexual?

AL
No. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm saying I may have certain feelings. The way I grew up, gay guys were those hairdressers at my mom's salon. That's not me man.

JON
But that's a stereotype.

AL
I know that. I know that now. But still. I mean, we have gays in Cincinnati. I just see those guys sometimes -- all hanging out together. I just don't see myself there, you know?

JON
Of course Al. I don't see myself there either.

AL
And you're different. I mean I guess I never knew anyone who was gay real close who seemed like a real person until recently. Except Todd, but it's weird. I never gave it much thought with him. He's just always been Audrey's brother.

JON
You're great.

AL
Well thanks. You're real... real nice.

They look at each other. Look away.

JON
Well, thanks.

They look at each other.

AL
This guy, we talked about it. Different feelings.

JON
Oh, you were in therapy?

AL
No, not that. The youth minister at our new church. Well, he's a great guy, Mark. He started this program called the Lord's Gym for men. It's an opportunity for men to grow spiritually while pumping iron. Bible studies take place there. A lot of men have been helped -- city kids too. I started going to the adult men's Bible study. And it was great. We talked about some great stuff. And sometimes I would stay after and talk. We'd have these long conversations.

JON
Uh huh.

AL
I see what Audrey means. You are easy to talk to.

JON
I'm glad. Go on.

AL
Well, I've never uttered a word of this before.

JON
It's okay.

AL
So anyway, after a while we got be good friends. He would come over to the house. One night at Bible study the subject was sin. And he was talking about how all sins are equal and how there's no shame in having temptations as long as you don't give into them. And then of course if you do, we can be forgiven for them by God's grace.

JON
Like the Catholics.

AL
Yeah, (ha) right.

JON
Go on.

AL
Well, we got some dinner that night after Bible study, and he got around to talking about homosexuality -- about temptations and he said he thought that sin was equal to the rest. And he went on to tell me about his struggles. So we got even closer than before since we talked about all this stuff.

JON
Sure.

AL
And it was weird because I was so relieved to talk to someone -- a Christian about all this stuff I could never tell anyone. And I was relieved I wasn't the only one who felt this way. I mean confused about stuff. And I was glad we could pray about it together. But then I felt worse too because I would... we would pray together... I started to feel something for Mark... even when we were praying, especially then. (Al drinks his beer.)

JON
So what happened?

AL
Well, I talked to him about that. He understood. He said he felt the same. Nothing happened. Mark is a good guy. Somehow word got around to the deacons that he had had some problems back in Pennsylvania, where he was from -- a small town. That's why he had come here -- there -- to Cincinnati. He had resigned from his church there and moved out West. So he ended up leaving Cincinnati too. I figured God was saving us both from harm. Keeping my family together. But now this.

Al swigs his beer, sets it down. Looks at Jon.

JON
You're a good guy, Al.

AL
Thanks Jon.

Jon kisses him full on the mouth. They break away.

AL
Jon. That's not. I like you man, but. I can't.

Al exits.

Act II, Scene 9

Scene 9.

A couple weeks later. Jonathan's apartment. Jon and Audrey are flipping through magazines.

JONATHAN
I've had my eye on this dollhouse at the MOMA Design store for years. It's so amazing. It's really modern, like a Frank Lloyd Wright. No that's wrong -- more post-modern.

AUDREY
Uh huh.

JONATHAN
Some of the walls are translucent red and green and purple so you can see into the house, and there's a set of dolls that come with it -- a mom and dad and a girl and boy and a cat and dog! And, it's really pricey -- but you can get these miniature Eames chairs and sofas to decorate the house with. It's so cute.

AUDREY
Where are you thinking of putting the nursery?

JON
Well, we'll obviously have to get another place. I'm ready to buy something anyway and I can write off a lot of it since I work at home. We'll need more bedrooms if we're really all going to stay together.

Al walks in unnoticed by Jonathan.

JON
I've got so many ideas for the nursery -- it's going to be darling. I love the Noah's Ark theme. We could do a whole animal thing with the crib as a boat maybe -- stuff like that. I have a friend, well, a few friends who are designers. And I know a buyer at Bloomies who handles the children's department, so we can have our pick of little baby dresses!

Al puts a hand on Audrey's shoulder from behind.

AL
What if it's a boy?

JON
Oh, Al, hey. Um, well, of course -- footballs and stuff. I was just saying -- I know some people who can help.

AUDREY
Do you know a good pediatrician?

JON
I can get a referral. But you know, I don't want to be a gender nazi. Boys and girls should get a variety of toys to play with -- dolls and baseballs and everything. Let them decide what they want. We don't want to enforce stereotypes. (Pause)

AUDREY
Uh huh.

AL
Uh huh.

JON
Besides, this is all still very hypothetical, but we're all adults here. We understand that right?

AL
One day at a time.

JON
Absolutely. We're all learning from each other.

AUDREY
I need to call Mom and Dad soon.

AL
Yeah you do. Me too. I need to get to the store.

AUDREY
I just don't know where to even start.

JON
You guys have a lot going on and you need to take care of yourselves first and foremost right now. Don't make yourselves do anything you don't feel ready for. They all know you're safe and sound. That's what matters. We should all pray about it.

Al and Audrey look at Jonathan surprised.

JON
I want to take you guys to a church I like.

AL
You go to church?

JON
Oh yes. At times. Of course I go to temple. But some friends of mine go to a great Unitarian church in the village. I feel very welcome there. And it's just very spiritual. I think you guys will like it. I think people of any faith can feel comfortable there.

AL
Great.

AUDREY
That sounds nice. It does feel like a family -- all of us -- the three of us. Doesn't it?

AL
Yeah, it does.

JON
Isn't it great?

AUDREY
Speaking of family, I can't believe I haven't seen Todd yet. The longer I wait, the harder it is because it keeps getting more awkward to explain.

JON
Oh, Todd'll be fine. I think we can expect some initial drama, but he's fairly resilient.

AL
He seems like it. But you know, this is all kinda crazy -- for anybody.

JON
Well perhaps we should all get together before the show and talk things out.

AUDREY
I don't know, you guys. He gets really stressed before these things. He takes it all so personally. I'm not sure, but I don't think we should put all this on him now that it's so close to the opening.

JON
I think you're right Audrey. He does get so neurotic around these things, you wonder why he does it to himself.

AL
He must love it.

AUDREY
That must be it. Hey Jon, did you and Todd go to the church you were talking about?

JON
Oh no. I couldn't get Todd in a temple, much less a church.

AUDREY
I didn't think so. Well, we'll just all have to get him to go.

JON
Good idea. Hey I came across this Bible verse I'd like to share with you guys.

AUDREY
Really?

AL
Well, what is it? I'm glad I'm not the only one who quotes the Bible!

JON
It's Corinthians 5:17.

AL
Uh huh.

JON
"Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."

Act II, Scene 10

Scene 10.

The art show -- a live-in installation in Janice and Todd's loft space. Jon enters wearing all green. Janice and Todd are in red.

JANICE
Well greetings.

JON
Greetings.

TODD
Hey.

JON
Hi.

They hug stiffly.

JANICE
Thanks for coming.

JON
Of course. I wore green.

JANICE
Yes you did.

TODD
You didn't have to.

JANICE
Of course he did.

JANICE
Well, feel free to roam around the space and experience.

JON
Where's the show?

TODD
It's...

JANICE
You are the show.

JON
What?

JANICE
We are the show. The space. All of it.

TODD
I do have some pieces hanging in the...

JANICE
We're all part of the piece -- especially Todd and I.

JON
So, what, we just walk around?

JANICE
And experience.

JON
Oh, kind of like a haunted house.

TODD
Exactly! That was kind of where I wanted to go.

JANICE
But we didn't.

TODD
But that's sort of the form, though. Just no goblins.

JANICE
Well, you never know.

Janice walks off.

JON
So, what have you been up to?

TODD
Oh, you know. Getting ready for the show.

JON
(Looking around) It's good. It's...interesting. I've never -- I'm not sure which parts are the artwork.

TODD
Everything, the -- everything -- the whole space and everything in it. Even the people -- you're part of it right now.

JON
Is that why we were supposed to wear lime green?

TODD
Yeah, it represents life and artificiality. But really it's just for the color scheme and...whatever.

JON
And what about the king and queen in red?

TODD
Well, death and reality. Together they -- never mind -- just look around. Have some wine.

JON
So how's work?

TODD
I thought we were just talking about it.

JON
No, the freelance -- the ad business.

TODD
I've been focusing on this. Janice got some grants, so we were able to focus.

JON
Oh, that's right. Do you think anything will come of it?

TODD
Of what?

JON
The show.

TODD
Um, well, I invited some gallery people and some dealers and press.

JON
Did you ask Steven's gallery to come? I told you that you should use that connection.

TODD
That guy is dealing in Europe now or something. I'm not sure. I don't think he has the gallery anymore. I don't even like him.

JON
I hear Steven's doing well. He's got his own show and he did the design for some big rock group's album cover.

TODD
Right, well, that's great. Good for him. And the Ramones.

JON
I don't think that's who it was.

TODD
Yeah, I was joking. Anyway, no one I invited -- industry people -- came tonight -- yet, but the show is up for a month. Hopefully we'll get some press. I don't think Janice cares if anyone sees it besides the two of us and the grant people.

JON
She's an odd one.

TODD
She's an artist.

JON
Uh huh. Maybe the industry people didn't have any lime green. We had a hard time coming up with it.

TODD
Right, well, I guess the answer for you would be no, nothing will come of it.

JON
I'm not suggesting, I didn't mean anything.

TODD
No of course not. You never do. Who's we anyway? I thought you were here alone.

JON
No the others are coming soon. I guess they got held up with the green thing. Now I hope you don't take all this the wrong way, but --

TODD
Take all what what way?

JON
I wanted to talk to you about all this before and I know they did...

TODD
They?

JON
But...

Audrey and Al walk in wearing their new Salvation Army lime green outfits.

TODD
Oh my God! Hey! I can't believe you guys came up for the show. Where have you been? Mom's been freaking out? Oh my God.

AUDREY
Hey Todd. Good to see you.

AL
How's it going?

TODD
Great.

Jon goes over and kisses them on the cheeks.

AUDREY
Hey Jon. You won't believe what we went through to get these outfits. And then we got a little mixed up on the train.

AL
Hey.

JON
Hey.

TODD
They look great. What's going on? You guys know each other? This is weird.

AUDREY
Todd. Um, maybe we should talk about this some other time. Let's just enjoy the show. Where is it?

TODD
Wait, no, what's going on?

AUDREY
Todd, seriously, this is your night. We just want to enjoy the show.

AL
I think Audrey's right.

JON
I wanted to talk to you before...

TODD
What is going on? You have to explain. This is too weird.

AUDREY
Oh Gosh. Todd, we didn't come up for the show.

TODD
What do you mean? You're here.

AUDREY
Al and I didn't come up for the show. We've been here for a few weeks.

TODD
A few weeks? In New York? What have you been doing?

AUDREY
Well, that's just it. I meant to contact you the first day. Things have just been so crazy. And then tonight ... we just really wanted to be here. We haven't been to one of your shows in so long.

TODD
A few weeks?

AUDREY
Can't we just see the show and -- we can have coffee tomorrow and talk about everything that's been going on.

TODD
No. No. You show up here. You all act like old friends. You've never even met. You show up here like you're best buddies with my ex.

AUDREY
We didn't want to tell you right before your show and all. I didn't want to distract you. There's been a lot going on -- personally. I mean we're still figuring it out for ourselves. This is happening all wrong. I'm so sorry Todd. This is your night.

Janice walks back over.

JANICE
Audrey, Al. You guys came to the show. How wonderful. Welcome. Long way from Cincinnati.

TODD
Oh, they've been in New York for weeks.

JANICE
Really?

JON
This wasn't such a good idea.

TODD
What the fuck asshole? What the fuck? Okay. You show up here insulting me and my work and my partner...

JON
I did nothing of the kind.

TODD
In that nice-guy, therapist-bullshit way...

JON
Now wait a minute.

TODD
And you pull some fucked up game to fuck with my head.

JANICE
Calm down Todd.

JON
Todd. I am not intentionally...

TODD
Oh no, you would never do anything intentionally hurtful. You fucking prick.

JANICE
Not here Todd. Not at the show.

JON
Todd, I'm sorry. We can talk about this some other time. I apologize.

TODD
(Overlapping) No. Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit. What's going on that you just somehow slipped up and forgot to tell me? Tell me what the fuck is going on!

JANICE
Stop!

JON
Okay, Todd. Since you really want to know...

AUDREY
No!

JON
Audrey's a lesbian, she's my new best friend, and she and Al and I have been staying together.

TODD
Staying together?

Sarah and Jack walk in.

SARAH
Oh my Lord. There they are. Surprise, surprise. Here we are. What are y'all doing here? Where have y'all been?

JANICE
Why is everyone gay?

SARAH
Pardon?

JANICE
Everyone is not fucking gay.

SARAH
Well I should hope not, dear.

JACK
(Shaking Al's hand) Al, good to see ya'. Hey sweetheart. (Goes to Audrey and gives her a kiss)

TODD
(Vacant) You guys came to the show?

SARAH
Audrey, what is going on here?

AUDREY
Oh my gosh. Why are you guys here?

SARAH
Why are you here is the question dear. We've searching for you everywhere. The expense you've put us through. Do you know how much it costs to employ a private detective?

JACK
Well, now we know she's safe.

TODD
A private detective knew about my show?

JACK
This guy is good.

AUDREY
But why would you do all that? We told you we were fine.

SARAH
Well what were we to think?

JON
Can I get anyone a cup of wine?

JACK
Sure.

SARAH
I'm exhausted. Could you get me a coffee dear?

TODD
Wine for me.

Jonathan goes to get beverages.

JACK
Todd, offer your mother a chair.

TODD
We don't have any.

JANICE
I'll get some pillows.

Janice goes.

SARAH
You've got some explaining to do young lady.

AUDREY
I will mom. Is this really the time?

JACK
Audrey, your mother got accepted onto the board of the Hyde Park Neighborhood Council. You should be real proud.

AL
Hey, that's great Sarah. Maybe we should talk about all this other stuff later. Why don't we just enjoy the show?

SARAH
We will do no such thing. Now what was all that hubbub when we came in? Why was Janice -- saying what she was saying?

TODD
Oh that was just something Jonathan was saying -- you know my ex-boyfriend.

SARAH
I knew that wouldn't last.

AUDREY
(Overlapping) Todd please.

TODD
Yes, he was just announcing that Audrey is a lesbian now and that he and Al and Audrey are big buddies. They've apparently all been staying together. That's where they've been.

AUDREY
(Overlapping) Todd!

JACK
Now why would you want to do that honey?

Jonathan walks back in with drinks.

SARAH
Has the whole world turned... queer? Is this a sign of the end of the world? Are y'all determined to punish your mother?

JON
What did you do Todd?

TODD
Oh, I just shared with them what you shared with me earlier.

Janice brings in the pillows and Jonathan passes out drinks. Jonathan attempts to interject throughout the rest of the scene.

SARAH
Janice, dear, I see what you mean about everyone...being a gay.

TODD
Everyone's not gay. Just us. I hope that's decaf.

AUDREY
I don't even --

JON
Now, the thing is Mrs. Johnson...

SARAH
What did I do wrong? Why is God punishing me?

AUDREY
He's not.

TODD
It's not about you, Mom.

AL
Where are y'all staying?

JACK
The Four Seasons. Real nice.

JON
Mr. And Mrs. Johnson...

AUDREY
Mom, Dad, this is Jonathan. Al and I have been staying with him. He's been helping us.

SARAH
Nice to meet you. Helping you with what?

JON
Well...

AUDREY
Al and I are going through a lot right now. We're not even sure how to explain.

SARAH
Try.

AUDREY
Well, I guess a big part of it is that we both have sexuality issues.

TODD
Al too? Oh my God.

AL
Now wait a minute.

TODD
I didn't know that.

AUDREY
We don't even know -- we don't know for sure what we're going to do.

JON
Audrey and Al...

SARAH
(Overlapping) Well, I do. You're coming back to Cincinnati with your father and myself.

AUDREY
I don't know Mom.

SARAH
I do.

JACK
All our friends miss you guys. Al, we need to play tennis.

AL
I know it, but things are... I'll be back soon to check on the store at any rate. We can play then.

JACK
Great.

TODD
Um, is this the time to discuss tennis?

AL
No, Todd, it's not. I guess for better or worse it's time to try to explain things, although we're not too sure ourselves.

JON
Yes...

JACK
This whole queer thing is contagious. I knew it. Al, forget about all this. Just quit while you're ahead. I mean it. Look at Todd. You don't want to end up like that. Now come on.

AL
I'm not saying I'm queer Jack. I don't know what. I'm not sure...

JACK
Well, to hell with it.

AUDREY
Dad, please listen.

JACK
Just because Al may not be the man for you, sweetie, doesn't mean you're not... that doesn't mean you're not a girl.

AUDREY
I'm a woman Dad. I know that... and that's...

SARAH
The pain I feel for my children.

TODD
Please, just listen to Audrey and Al.

JON
Todd's right. Please try to listen even though it may be difficult right now.

SARAH
The pain I feel. The guilt I feel for having smothered you, Todd. And now your sister. After all the illness. Sometimes I think it'd be better if I just hadn't had either one of you.

TODD
Well fuck you.

JACK
Watch your mouth.

AUDREY
Dad.

JACK
Come on Audrey, let's go. If Al's not man enough to take you home, I am. I've got nothing to discuss. This whole thing is a joke. I knew we shouldn't have come to New York. Now come on.

AL
Hey --

JON
Mr. Johnson, I'm sure if....

AUDREY
Dad, no! I am not coming with you. I'm staying right here for now. I'm not yours. I'm a grown woman. I'm not coming with you.

SARAH
(To Todd) I just wish I could make you three again. Make you little bitty and keep you in my pocket.

TODD
Well, that wouldn't be much of a life for me, would it?

JACK
I think this meeting is adjourned.

JON
Now if everyone would just...

AL
I think so too.

SARAH
My babies.

JACK
Let's go Sarah. Pointless.

SARAH
Well, goodbye for now.

JON
Please take my phone number down.

AUDREY
I'll call you guys later.

SARAH
Al...

JACK
We're at the Four Seasons. Call us there, Audrey.

SARAH
Do ya'll have my mobile phone number?

TODD
Yes.

JON
Nice to meet you.

JACK
Come on Sarah.

SARAH
My babies.

JACK
Let's go.

Jack escorts Sarah out.

TODD
Holy fucking shit.

AL
Yeah.

Act II, Scene 11

Scene 11.

Janice and Todd in the loft space. Todd is drinking the wine. Janice is picking up cups.

TODD
Well, that was a real mind fuck.

JANICE
How do you think the show went?

TODD
The show?

JANICE
That's what I said.

TODD
Um, did you not just ...were you not just here for that?

JANICE
Yes Todd, it was very... disturbing, I'm sure. I'm sorry you had to endure that.

TODD
Yeah.

JANICE
Do you want to talk about it?

TODD
Not really.

Todd goes and refills his wine glass.

TODD
Wine?

JANICE
You know I don't.

TODD
Well why not? You're not an alcoholic. Don't you want to celebrate?

JANICE
Not really. I don't see much to celebrate.

TODD
Look, I already apologized for the scene. Give me a break.

JANICE
I have. Many of them. I'm not... I don't blame you for tonight. I'm truly sorry about what happened.

TODD
But?

JANICE
Perhaps we should talk about this later.

TODD
Let's have some wine and talk.

JANICE
I don't want wine.

TODD
To celebrate the show. Us. Our work.

JANICE
I don't think there's much to celebrate.

TODD
What do you mean?

JANICE
Todd, it's not about tonight, but you really weren't here for this. You just never really gave in to the project. I'm afraid it wasn't a success.

TODD
Why? What did the grant people say? Are they not coming through for Germany?

JANICE
It's not them. I don't really care what they think. For me, personally, it wasn't a success. I don't know why I thought... I just feel like things never came together -- especially on your end.

TODD
I've had a lot going on.

JANICE
I know Todd. You always do. You make sure of it. You mean well, and I think you want to do what you say, but you just get too sidetracked. Art isn't just about having ideas. You have to have the discipline to make ideas come to some kind of reality.

TODD
What is this?

JANICE
Todd, I'm sorry.

TODD
What? What are you saying?

JANICE
The drugs, too. I know you were doing cocaine half the time you were working.

TODD
That's not true.

JANICE
You might feel like you're getting a lot done, but you're just completely scattered.

TODD
It was only like twice. To stay up.

JANICE
Todd, you need help.

TODD
Oh please. I do not. That's just. Listen. I'm getting myself together. The workshop will be great. I need to get out of New York. Get some fresh air.

JANICE
Todd, how are you going to ...? Did you apply for the workshop?

TODD
I thought you did.

JANICE
I applied, not for both of us. And I only got enough money for me to go.

TODD
What? I thought we were -- you said we could go on from here.

JANICE
We could, if you ever worked, if you showed any interest, if you had anything to show, took any kind of initiative. I didn't even know you wanted to go.

TODD
I thought... We talked about it... You... Well tell them I want to come. I want to go. I need to.

JANICE
It's too late. The deadline's past. Todd, why do you want to go to Germany anyway? It's not a vacation. It's not for meeting guys.

TODD
I know that.

JANICE
Do you? I'm leaving early to travel some before the program starts up. Can you at least close out the space? It's paid for through the end of the month.

TODD
What is this? This is so weird. What. Are you like, breaking up with me or something?

JANICE
Todd, you are my dear friend and I care about you. I mean it. You know that, right?

TODD
Of course.

JANICE
But I just don't think you're very serious as an artist. We're family -- you and I. But I...I just think you need to reevaluate what you want. It's not against you really. It's not. I'll help you anyway I can.

Act II, Scene 12

Scene 12.

The next day, Audrey and Todd are sitting in a coffee shop.

AUDREY
I'm sorry about last night. The show was... really good.

TODD
No it wasn't.

AUDREY
Well...I am sorry. Barging in on you with everything.

TODD
...

AUDREY
I should have spoken to you before. I meant to. I mean I came to New York because you were here. I came to connect with you. And then everything just started to unravel and I don't know where the weeks went.

TODD
...

AUDREY
Todd?

TODD
Yeah, well, it was weird.

AUDREY
I'm really sorry to put you through that on your special night.

TODD
It wasn't all that special.

AUDREY
But still...

TODD
It all just really caught me by surprise. I mean, you can imagine, right?

AUDREY
Of course.

TODD
I mean even though I'm the one who broke up with Jon, there he is with you and Al and it was all just too much and too weird.

AUDREY
Sure. I'm sure. I'm so sorry. (Beat) Well, why did you break up with Jon anyway? He's so nice. I mean you don't have to talk about it if you don't want...

TODD
No, it's... I've been thinking about it. He was the first guy I dated seriously since J.D. (if you could call what we had serious).

AUDREY
But he was a druggie.

TODD
So were you.

AUDREY
I'm sorry Todd. Go on.

TODD
Anyway, it was serious in the sense that I ... it was, I mean it was the first time I felt those things I guess. And then when everything fell apart, I just wish I could have stopped him.

AUDREY
No Todd, you can't do that. Don't do that to yourself.

TODD
No, I know. It's not. I just wish I had ever even tried. You know, I should have done an intervention or whatever, but I was too busy getting fucked up myself.

AUDREY
You knew better than to O.D.

TODD
Yeah, but the thing is, I could see what was happening even when he was lost in it. So I could have tried -- I could have done something, but... I was too afraid that if I said something or tried to curb things that he wouldn't like me anymore.

AUDREY
Oh Todd. I've been there. You can't be responsible for other people's addictions.

TODD
But the point is... all that's ancient history, but...the point is about Jon. He's really nurturing and I guess he felt really safe after all that. Well, I guess you can relate, right? Jonathan the savior. I think he was just what I really needed at the time. But then it got old.

AUDREY
Todd.

TODD
I mean with J.D. -- even when things were crazy, out of control -- the sex -- it always felt like ... passion, I guess. We had this connection. And maybe it's just that -- you know -- it was before therapy and whatever. I mean I know it wasn't healthy. I mean I knew that -- even then. But still. I don't know if I'll ever feel that way about anyone. In a way, I'm glad he died, because otherwise ... I don't know. I just feel dead anyway. But I don't... I can't stand people who are nice, you know? I mean people are just so boring.

AUDREY
Maybe you should go back into therapy.

TODD
No thanks. Maybe you're right. I don't know. At least your not preaching Jesus anymore.

AUDREY
Well that was my next suggestion. I was always afraid that if I walked away, really broke away from -- everything -- that there wouldn't be anything left -- that I would just be this void. But then I realized I was just a void already -- like you said -- feeling dead.

TODD
Hey, do you remember? Of course. You brought it up at the hospital. The pact -- that we would never get married and live together in the woods.

AUDREY
Yeah?

TODD
Well why don't we?

AUDREY
What?

TODD
Live together! I need a place. I can't stay with Janice anymore. The grant money is up and she's going to Germany for some performance art workshop. And she's decided I'm not serious enough as an artist. Do you think that's true?

AUDREY
Gosh, I don't know Todd.

TODD
Anyway, I can't afford to live alone. And you need a place too, right?

AUDREY
Well, gosh, that's a great idea.

TODD
Of course, we'll forget the part about the woods and you being married. I mean you're not married now. Or you won't be for long, right?

AUDREY
Todd, I need to talk to you about something.

TODD
What now?

AUDREY
Seriously. We wanted to all get together and talk to you about this.

TODD
We all?

AUDREY
You know everything has been really crazy these past few weeks. Al and I are going through a lot. I'm in therapy...

TODD
I know.

AUDREY
Now, this is all really hypothetical right now. I mean it's too early to really say but...Well, since you asked about moving in together...

TODD
Right?

AUDREY
Well, Jon and Al and I have been staying together...

TODD
Uh huh.

AUDREY
And it's been going really well.

TODD
Yeah, you could say that.

AUDREY
I mean it all just really happened by accident, but there we all are.

TODD
How is that for you anyway?

AUDREY
Well, it's crazy like everything else, but I must say that I'm very relieved.

TODD
Relieved?

AUDREY
Because I've realized that everything isn't my fault, and that Al has been really confused too and that maybe God had us together just for that reason, so that we can work through it.

TODD
Are you saying you're going to work out your marriage with Al? I mean, don't get me wrong, he's like the nicest guy I've ever met, which I guess is a good thing, but come on, you can't think you're going to work it out now.

AUDREY
Well that's just it. We may be able to.

TODD
No you can't.

AUDREY
Just listen. Al and I both are figuring things out.

TODD
That you're gay. Case closed. You don't have to figure it out.

AUDREY
Listen to me for once!

TODD
Okay.

AUDREY
Jon really likes Al. And Al likes Jon.

TODD
(Beat) That's great.

AUDREY
And they both really want a family.

TODD
I know.

AUDREY
And I love Al and he loves me. And Jon is so special.

TODD
Tell me about it.

AUDREY
And so we're thinking, we're talking and we're going to go to counseling about it...

TODD
(Oh God.)

AUDREY
But we're thinking about all staying together and starting a family together. I mean obviously we need to get a bigger apartment, even for the three of us, but...

TODD
Whoa, whoa! What? You're all three going to start a family? What do you mean?

AUDREY
Well, if Jon and Al and I are together and want a family, then why not? If we all love each other?

TODD
You and Al are going to have a kid and raise it with Jonathan?

AUDREY
No, Jon and I are -- Al can't.

TODD
You and Jon?! Don't you realize how twisted this is? He's my ex-boyfriend. We were going to have a kid. He asked me if you would. You were appalled. Wait, you said you couldn't.

AUDREY
Todd, listen. I know this all must come as a shock. I've wanted to talk to you. I'm sure this is strange.

TODD
But you said you couldn't have kids.

AUDREY
Todd, it's been a while since we talked. I'm sorry. We found out from tests that it was Al, not me, who couldn't have kids. I can, I think. Even though it may be a little complicated.

TODD
A little?

AUDREY
I mean because of my Lupus.

TODD
I thought you thought it wasn't in God's plan?

AUDREY
Todd, that was before.

TODD
That was like three months ago.

AUDREY
I think God may be telling us that this is our path.

TODD
Well did he call or email?

AUDREY
Todd, come on. I'm trying. I know this is a lot to take in. Everything's changing.

TODD
Wait. Let me get this straight. Who's fucking who? I mean are Al and Jon sleeping together?

AUDREY
No, but... We all care for each other. Al and I are working through things. We all want a family.

TODD
Well someone in the family has to fuck.

AUDREY
Why Todd? Can you just listen? Gosh! I don't even know who I am. Maybe this won't work. Al's store is back home. We may move back. Jon could start a practice. We might stay. I'm looking into teaching. We all have a lot to figure out. But this is what's going on and I've got to figure things out for myself, and this time no one's standing in my way -- not you or anyone. I'm sorry Todd, but this is what's happening. It's not against you. It's really not. And I know I'm saying things that don't seem like me, but you're the one who's always railing against middle class values. I'm being "experimental." You should be glad. Why does a family have to be based on sex?

TODD
Because -- it just does. I mean don't you want to just be single and go out and meet some ladies?

AUDREY
No, not really.

TODD
But Audrey, you're gay. You've never done this. We could be swinging bachelors -- bachelorettes -- whatever.

AUDREY
But I don't. I don't want to. I'm in love with Karen and I'm sure I'll get over it, but no. I'm not you. I don't want that. I want something else. Who's being conventional now? Why can't you understand and be happy for me? I want your support. I know it's going to be strange for a while, but I really want us all to at least be friends.

TODD
Great.

AUDREY
Todd, seriously. I think mom and dad will eventually come around.

TODD
What?

AUDREY
Well they really want a grandchild.

TODD
Not like this.

AUDREY
We all talked this morning. Jon facilitated.

TODD
Facilitated?

AUDREY
It'll take time, but we'll see.

TODD
Don't get your hopes up.

AUDREY
Todd, you have to give people a chance. I know it must be hard for you, but I just wish you could be happy for me -- for us.

TODD
I am. I do. I am happy for you. Honestly, I am.

AUDREY
Maybe, sometime, it would be really fun to live together in some way. But right now, I have to be with Al -- and Jon.

TODD
Yeah. Do what you need to do. No hard feelings.

AUDREY
Are you sure?

TODD
Yes. Of course.

AUDREY
Are you okay?

TODD
Of course.

AUDREY
Don't worry Todd. God has a plan for you.

TODD
Spare me.

AUDREY
Listen, I've got to go. I have a session. And then an interview at a preschool!

TODD
Oh, wow, great. Well, good luck.

AUDREY
Thanks. So, let's talk soon. Take care Todd.

TODD
Okay. Good luck!

AUDREY
Okay. Bye. I'll call you.

She gives Todd a peck on the cheek and goes.

TODD
Bye.

After a few beats of Todd sitting alone on stage, he pulls a number out of his wallet and dials the number on his cell phone.

TODD
Hey, Scott, it's Todd. How's everything? How's school? (Pause) I know. Listen, I'm kind of between situations right now. Oh yeah, I can't believe I haven't told you. Jon and I broke up. A while ago. Yeah. So listen, I was wondering if you'd like a visitor. Oh, this weekend, whenever, I'm totally open. I could take the train up. I've never been to Vermont. (Pause) I'm not sure how long. (Pause) Oh. Okay. No that's okay. (Pause) Great. Well call me. Okay, bye.

Todd hangs up. A couple of beats. Todd scrolls through his phone book (on his phone). Chooses a number and sends it. Waits.

TODD
Mom? Hi. Pretty good. Are you at the Four Seasons?

End of play.

Table of Contents:   Home Again

Troy Ernest Hill (misterhill@nyc.rr.com) is a playwright and actor in New York City, originally from Atlanta, Georgia. In the eighth grade he won the "Most Outstanding Student Award," and in the eleventh grade the Creative Writing Award. Since that time, it's been more or less a downward spiral. He is currently in the Off-Broadway smash Birdy's Bachelorette Party, and he is a white belt in karate.

Go To: Issue 6 or Lodestar Quarterly home page