Lodestar Quarterly

Lodestar Quarterly
Figure reaching for a star Issue 13 • Spring 2005 • Poetry

Broken Open

S. Bear Bergman

I never healed, my jaw still clicks
out of joint when I want it to,
opens wide like the snake he was.
This dark antecedent a boon
to every body my mouth
has pleasured since:
raped at fifteen,
he broke my mouth getting in.
I never told;
reset my own jaw.
I was someplace I shouldn't have been.
Lately, I've been opening wide for you,
the brush of my lips against your thumb
as it holds your cock at the root
makes us both shudder.
So I tell you, I promised myself
I'd never kneel twice without
explaining, and you say:
"But now, you can do it for your pleasure?"
As if I hadn't groveled for the privilege at your feet,
as if you couldn't smell it,
boiling in me.
I nod, you grin, we walk;
it was never that easy before.
I keep saying that to you.

S. Bear Bergman is a theater artist, writer, instigator and gender-jammer; touring hir award-winning shows "Ex Post Papa" and "Clearly Marked" around the country to colleges, universities and theater festivals, including the National Gay and Lesbian Theater Festival and the National Transgender Theater Festival. Ze has been heard and published in a variety of places, lives on the web at www.sbearbergman.com, and makes a home in Northampton, Massachusetts where ze is the very lucky husbear of a magnificent femme.

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