Issue 15 • Fall 2005 • Poetry

Abandonment

Emanuel Xavier

Somewhere between the restless whispers and silent promises,
before this war even reached the homeland,
ex-lovers lingered like relapses and fractured friendships staggered
like fresh brush strokes distorting the unfinished canvas of collaboration

My art has become casualty to a tainted struggle over land unholy
I have been left blinded by the stillness of abstract portraits of pleasures past
Intoxicated by the fumes of jealousy

My name will not be lent to this revolution
I will not fall deaf to these bombs and chorus of laughter
My faith will not die in these battlefields
These bones will not be buried beneath a battle that is not my own

Terrorists may wander aimless with words as weapons
seeking refuge in the rumors of religions worth salvation
But as someone who has learned to survive since the age of three
My advice is to look into the eyes of the enemy

You will soon realize we are all just children searching to be held by our fathers
hoping they remember our names

Emanuel Xavier is the author of poetry collections Pier Queen and Americano and the novel Christlike, and he is the editor of Bullets & Butterflies: queer spoken word poetry. He is also the founder of the House of Xavier and creator of the annual Glam Slam competition. He has appeared on television as a host of In The Life, on Russell Simmons presents Def Poetry, and he has co-starred in the feature film The Ski Trip. He is a recipient of the Marsha A. Gomez Cultural Heritage Award and a New York City Council citation.

Go To: Issue 15 or Lodestar Quarterly home page